Monday, November 8, 2010

The Dog Poo Retainer

ever since JJ started wearing a retainer his breath literally smells like dog poo when it's in. not to be rude or anything, but it's really bad. so when we're laying in bed and i'm dozing off, i will get a whiff of the Dog Poo Retainer and i'll be all OMFG JJ THAT SMELLS LIKE DOG POO and he will get all offended then i will feel bad. but i mean, that is my instinctual reaction. it literally smells awful.

after he left for work this morning, i leaned over to his side to turn up the "birds in the rainforest" setting on the sound machine because, let's face it: it's a very stressful environment in my bedroom lately--what, with the whole unemployment thing going on in my life.

well anyway, as i leaned over to turn up my birds, i recoiled. do you want to know why?! because sitting there, festering and smelling like dig shit is THIS ON JJ'S NIGHTSTAND:

ew ew ew ew A MILLION TIMES EW

and since i'm obviously not touching that thing without wearing a gas mask, it's staying there until JJ gets home and puts it back into his mouth. barf. so it's been sitting there all day, sneakin peeks at me and grossing me out. so finally i just put a tissue over it. but i still know it's there, lurking under that tissue, ready to gross me out with its dog poo smell AT ANY MOMENT. ashfjkdahjklfkdljs


  1. L. i have a solution for you. omg you're going to love me so much because this also means you get to make a trip to target today. i get denture cleaners...they're little tablets and you put your retainer in a glass of water with this tablet that dissolves and let it sit for 15 minutes or whatever and POOF! wayyy cleaner than just brushing it with your toothbrush. i won't put my retainer in without denture-cleaning it! i hope this helps. obviously your bed needs to be a place of serenity if you're unemployed.


  3. and thank you brandilyn because ryan says my breath smells like poo with my retainers in. i went over to kiss him the other day before we went to bed and he was like, "oh my God, your breth...oh your stupid retainers are in." on my list today? denture cleaner at target! woohoo!


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