Tuesday, November 9, 2010

dude, where's my car?

well. i got shoved cruelly and unexpectedly off of my White Horse of Opportunity again this morning.

everything was going great. i put on my adorable high-waisted skirt with the leaf print on it and my tall dark brown boots. i looked all adorable and fall-y. i was 15 minutes ahead of schedule. it was only 10:45 a.m. and i had called 40 schools already (!!!)

i put the Cleat on her leash and we headed out to the car to take her to her New Sultan for a check-up.

i looked here.
i looked there.
i looked everywhere.

my. car. was. missing.

called JJ frantically. i literally said, "dude, where's my car?" he suggested calling the apartment complex to see what happened. well DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

MY MOTHER-FUDGING CAR WAS TOWED. TO THE GHETTO OF ONTARIO, CA. TOWED. and when i asked why, it was because "your parking permit wasn't visible." i was like F THAT NOISE I HUNG THAT SHIT UP MYSELF ON MY REAR VIEW MIRROR.

so i sat on the curb and cried i didn't even care that my underwear were showing and i also didn't care if anyone saw me. JJ picked me up and i sat in the car and cried all the way to the tow place. 22 minute drive in all.

we arrived, i collected myself and handed over my over-exhausted Hello Kitty CC. $212. TWO HUNDRED AND TWELVE DOLLARS. the man said, "yeah, there were two warning citations on your car....why didn't you see them?" and i was like "BECAUSE I'M UNEMPLOYED AND I DON'T LEAVE THE APARTMENT, IS THAT OK WITH YOU GUY?!" i mean, as if i needed a reminder of my misfortune. ghoddd.

so JJ and i walk to the car. OHMYGOD. stop cold. no. NOOOOO. FJKSJFKLSDJKLFSDFKLDS i forgot the keys. I FORGOT THE KEYS.

so JJ drove me back home to get the keys while i tried not to unleash all sorts of crazy in the car. i mean it was A Major Drama Queen 22 Minutes back to the apartment. i called my Mom and cried. and told her that i hated it here and that i want to go home because i was going to lose my mind because i have the worst luck ever and i can't just have one good day. then i told JJ that i wanted to run away. and he rolled his eyes. and i caught him rolling his eyes. so i cried even harder...i mean, i could go on for 4,000 words about this car ride home. it was Not My Best of Moments.

so we got back to the apartment, retrieved the keys and went back to the tow place. still crying. we got there and i unlocked my blasted car and got inside. and stepped on the PARKING PERMIT. BECAUSE THE FLIMSY LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT PLASTIC THAT IT IS, FELL OFF THE REAR VIEW MIRROR AND ONTO THE DRIVER'S SIDE FLOOR. THE EFFING PERMIT WAS THERE THE ENTIRE TIMEEEEEEEEEE!!!! w0e8ruijakhdfi4893ruwei (SEE PICTURE BELOW. THAT AWFUL PRIMARY BLUE PIECE OF PLASTIC IS MY "PERMIT")

and so i started driving back home and put on Taylor and Cleo and i sat calmly listening to her sing about what a douche john mayer is. then i called JJ and told him not to tell anyone it was me when the entire town of Rancho Cucamongross is burned to the ground in the morning. and then instead of going home we decided to go to the library because i wanted to check out an audio book. because i'm DRIVING TO ARIZONA tomorrow night for a much needed break away from RC to spend some quality time with Sam.

i opened a new account and got a new library card (weee!) then i spent a fine amount of time choosing my audio book carefully. and just when i started to feel OK again, i walked to the counter to check out my audio book and the man says to me "that will be $2.00 please." INCREDULOUS. WHAT KIND OF LIBRARY ISN'T FREE!??!?!!??!?!!?!? so i scrounged in my wallet and threw the nickels and pennies in his face (srsly that's all i had) before i GTFOOT.

on the drive home my Mom texted to me to try and make me feel better, "rainy, COLD, wet, dark and gloomy here."

and i texted back, "sounds like my heart."

you guys, i think i need a hug.


  1. no. No. NO!!!! Not real! This is just craziness. I feel for ya, L, I really do.

  2. i'll hug you tomorrow. and so will the two buck chuck i bought in preparation for your arrival.

  3. :( this makes me sad. i wanna hug you!

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. noooo! i hate, hate, hate! bad bad days. im literally the queen of bad luck...... so i can offer some advice- just complain until your little heart is content (i typically call you sobbing). love ya laber-doodle.


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