last night JJ and i went to a chamber of commerce dinner gala silent auction. JJ texted me from work circa 4:30 p.m. and said, "will u check 2 see if i have my suit?" and i was like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN DO YOU HAVE YOUR SUIT!?!?" he said, "i might have left my suit jacket at my old work." and sure enough i go into the hall closet and open his suit bag and all that's in there are the pants. #^&@UIEJKF&&^%$#@#%$%^JKHSDFHS&*R^#&*YUFHEY&*DHSU
so i texted him. "hurry and get home. we'll go to target and get you one."
i mean, a suit from target for the chamber of commerce dinner. reallllll nice.
so we went to target. and JJ fast walked to the men's department. and when he fast walks it looks hilarious because he looks like he's holding a poop in and trying to make it to the bathroom in time. i made a quick pit stop at the women's clearance rack (DUH) and headed over to meet my husband.
what i saw was incredulous.
there he was, standing in the men's section in his UNDERWEAR. i was like "JJ WHAT THE FUDGE ARE YOU FUDGING DOING!?!?!? YOU CAN'T JUST PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS IN A PUBLIC PLACE THERE ARE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE AND YOU COULD GET A TICKET!" and he looked at me and said all seriously, "no big deal L, i was just trying on pants." i said, "NORMAL PEOPLE GO INTO THE DRESSING ROOM TO TRY ON PANTS JJ!!!" and he said, "but we are in a big hurry! i was just trying to save time. besides, no one saw me." he literally did not think that standing in target in his skivvies was weird. he thought it was perfectly normal. i was so embarrassed. i should have snapped a picture, but i was so overwhelmed by his idiotic actions that i just forced him back in his pants and bought the suit and GTFOOT.
we got in the car and i was like "something is wrong with you." and he said, "no, L. it's totally fine. it's NOT a big deal." i was like "YES IT IS. IT'S A HUGEEEE DEAL. WHAT IF YOUR DING DONG SLIPPED OUT IN TARGET!?!??!!??!!?!? YOU CANNOT JUST START UNDRESSING IN THE MIDDLE OF TARGET LIKE A CRAZY PERSON." and then i stopped talking. because i realized that he was never going to agree with me. he is never going to admit that it was weird and inappropriate.
i just took a deep breath and reminded myself of something that i already knew: i'm married to a hobo.