ok so after i dropped my mom off, i knew i had to keep busy or else i would get sad.
so i set off for the DMV.
and i should let you all know that JJ and i set appointments and went to the DMV a couple of weeks ago. and were sent away because i didn't have my birth certificate or my passport.
so i had my mom send me a copy of my birth certificate and i took my passport on friday.
please, just believe me when i tell you that the DMV in california is unlike any DMV anywhere. at 7:45 a.m., 15 minutes before opening, the line is 60 people long and starting to wrap around the building. i parked and i waited in line. when it was finally my turn the lady said, "this birth certificate is invalid because it's a copy." so i handed her my passport, the picture in which i look like so butch it's embarrassing. and she said, "wait, your last names do not match." and i said, "well i got married. but my maiden name is still part of my name." and she said, we need to follow a paper trail of your life. do you have your marriage certificate?" and i was like NO I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT THING SINCE THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE DMV IN WASHINGTON TO GET MY NEW LICENSE WITH MY NEW NAME ON IT GHODDDDD. but really i said, "no, but i have my social security card that has my name on it." and she said, "that isn't good enough."
so i jumped into my car and drove to our storage unit. and searched for the damn marriage certificate. couldn't find it. sped home and searched every slice of paper in the damn apartment. no dice. went back to the storage unit, took off my shoes and hunkered down to search some more.
it should be noted that i absolutely hate storage units. what a perfect place for a murder. srsly. you could just creep up behind someone and hold them at gunpoint. then steal all of their storage unit things, shoot the person and stuff them into the storage unit and lock it. i mean really. that is my fear. i really hate the storage unit. so i was looking over my shoulder every 5 seconds to make sure i wasn't going to die, then finally, in a box marked "kitchen miscellaneous," i found our marriage certificate, crumpled up in a magic bullet container. i grabbed the document and thrust my hand in the air, triumphant and happy.
then it was back to the DMV. and it was only 9:45 a.m., mind you. and i waited in line again. and this time i sat next to a woman who had her dog in a stroller. that's real. and really, the waiting wasn't so bad since i had my phone and Christmas music was playing.
it was third times the charm, right? i had: my copy of the birth certificate, my passport, my social security card, my marriage certificate and a bottle of rum. not really a bottle of rum, but i wished. and when it was my turn i gave the lady everything and held my breath. she had my fill out a form and take a vision test. then i lied about my height and weight and stood in line for my picture.
almost home free!
then they took my picture and handed me a copy (GASP! SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS. GREASY BEAST. GREASSSSSSSYYYYYYYY BEAST. GOD. DAMMIT.) then they sent me to take the written test. so i took it. and i passed with the lowest possible score. (did you know, that in California it is illegal to smoke in a car with children in it? i mean, GREAT law, but who knew?!?!?!)
and then the woman handed me a form and said, "your hard copy will come in the mail. by the way, that's a nice picture." and i think the asshole was being facetious because CLEARLY it is NOT a nice picture.
but i did it! yay!
then i went to get my fingerprints done. that's what you have to do in california to become employed. the schools asked me to do it. so i did it. and it cost me $66. THAT'S ASININE!!!!!!
then i went home and took a nap. when i woke up i took a shower and got ready for JJ's work holiday party...