while i was packing for home, trying to figure out how my giant black fur vest that my Mom says is a "Hideous Gorilla Vest" was going to fit in my suitcase when there came a knock at the door.
COULD IT BE?! JJ'S LAST LONELY CHRISTMAS GIFT!? (it has been stuck in Kentucky for 5 days due to "adverse weather conditions. ghodddddd)
nope, not the UPS man. just a man. i hesitated. he said, "IT'S YOUR NEIGHBORRR!" and i thought he needed help. so i cracked the door and said, "hello?" and he said, "it's ok, i'm just your neighbor."
then he gave me a speech about how he made the dean's list at cal state (there are like 463 cal states, that should have been the giveaway) and that his son is autistic at the Ronald McDonald House and could i please donate $42 to the fund that provides books for children? and if i did, he would wash my car (???). i examined his appearance: dirty clothes, crooked, chipped yellow teeth and he absolutely wreaked of smoke. i shut the door so it was srsly just open a tiny crack. and i said, "i'm sorry, that's too much money." then he asked if i could afford half. i was like OK i can afford half, it would be a nice thing to do...so i grabbed my checkbook and then he said, "oh, ummm, actually you can't do half...." then i got realllll creeped out and i was like I CAN'T AFFORD THAT, I HAVE MY OWN BILLS THNX HAVE A GOOD DAY and i shut the door. then he stood on my doorstep for like 2 minutes talking to himself. then he was gone. and i felt so violated. so i texted JJ. and of course he freaked out and told me to use my brain and to never answer the door if it's someone i don't know blah blah blah. then he told me to call the apartment complex and report him. so i did. and apparently someone else already called about him. so they sent security.
BUT YOU THINK I'M LEAVING MY APARTMENT TODAY?! NOT A CHANCE.
you guys, why am i so stupid? why didn't i just ignore him?
and now he's probs going to steal away into my home tonight and slice my throat 4 days before Christmas. just my luck.