Tuesday, November 30, 2010

day 29

a photo of someone you find attractive:


but really, that's me. isn't that APPALLING?!! omg.

oooooh! how handsome is he?? this was summer 2007 when JJ was in Florence.

i love him.

Monday, November 29, 2010


this week's LOLcat is just for JJ.

because last night i bought Tetris on my phone. it went on sale from $2.99 to .99 cents. i boasted to JJ "ha ha! look what i have! Tetris on my phooooonnnneeee!" and he was like "L, i don't like Tetris." and i was like WTF YOU WERE BORN IN THE 80s, YOU HAVE TO LIKE TETRIS!!! and he was like "no." so i said, "ok, what did you play on your first edition grey gameboy then?? mario brothers? donkey kong? because those were good games, too."

my gay 63-year-old husband said, "no. i played tennis on my gameboy."


he never played super mario. so he probs doesn't even understand this LOLcat.

"it's a meee, a mario!"

please tell me you bitches played mario. PLZ!!!!

day 28

a photo of what you ate today:

i have eaten a boatload of things because i don't know if you remember but i HAD CARROTS FOR DINNER LAST NIGHTTTT

for breakfast i had:

a babybel cheese wheel. because they are SO BOMB

a california cuties clementine. delish!

and a target brand granola bar. only i had peanut butter flavored. duh

and of course i drank water from my new Christmas Cup.

then JJ came home from work for lunch and made us THESE:

except he forgot to put mayonnaise on mine. GRRR. so i dipped it in jalepeno ranch instead. and once again i'm farting. and still alone with no one to laugh at them.

and i also had




apparently this is me today:

now i'm off to eat a horse and compose my 2010 Christmas Letter

another one to pay for, sorry Dad

MY SISSIE IS ENGAGED! M's boyfriend popped the question during a romantic trip to Seattle. teee heeee i'm so thrilled to start planning. the bitch hasn't asked me to be her maid of honor yet, but we promised we would be each other's MOHs when we were 5 and 7 so i'm not worried about it.

i'm thinking purple and grey with lots of hydrangeas. summer 2011 at the yakima country club. my mom told me not to get too bossy, but older sister knows best. that's just life ;)

yipeeeee i love her finace CBP, they are the best couple ever.

and here is her ring! so lovely

love ya M, so happy for you

lonely dinner

last night JJ got a ticket to the Laker game. all i ever wanted in life was to go to a Laker game so i could see Khloe Kardashian in real life. but i wasn't invited. guy friends only. hmph. so JJ ditched me but bought me a pointsettia in a sparkly pot to pacify me. only did you know that pointsettias are poisonous to cats and dogs and small humans? since Chanel doesn't live with us at the moment (tears) it's the first pointsettia that i have had in my apartment. i put it on the mirrored chest and it looks all Christmasy and perfect. i hate when people pronounce pointsettia "POINT-SET-EE-YA" it's just "POINT-SET-AH" get it riiiight.

but anyway, last night was a lonely night. i settled into E! for the evening and watched Bridalplasty and Kendra and Married to Rock (you guys, i know. what is wrong with me?) and then i got hungry. and my husband wasn't there to cook for me. i went to the cupboard to make spaghettios and toast, because that's what i ate for dinner every night when i lived alone, and therefore resort to that meal any time i'm alone...and DAMN! no spaghettios in the cupboard. so i just stood there and stared. like WTF was i supposed to eat!??! i opened the freezer and saw that JJ had picked up some veggie pot stickers. but guess what?! THE MICROWAVE IS STILL BROKEN IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN APARTMENT and i wasn't about to figure out how to bake them in the oven. so i put them back. and had this for dinner:

i dipped the veggies in jalepeno ranch dressing. and then i farted all night and no one was there to laugh with me.

and tonight JJ is going to the King's game. and once again i will be left alone tonight to fend for myself. and this time i say FUDGE IT--I'M GOIN TO TACO BELL

Christmas Cups


last week my new friend JM told me she bought her Christmas starbucks cup with the candy cane striped straw. and then i saw another girl post a picture of hers on facebook. so i got infinitely jealous and drove straight to SB to buy one. SOLD OUT MOTHERFUDGE. angry. so i went home and ordered one online. YES! then when the receipt came into my inbox i saw that i ordered a venti sized one. NOT WHAT I WANTEDDDDDD. so i pretended that it was my plan all along to get JJ one. i said "honey i ordered you a very special Christmas Cup i can't wait until you get it!" and then i ordered myself a grande one. and it came in the mail and i have been using it non-stop ever since.

JJ sent me a picture of his Christmas Cup on his desk at work. he he

obsessed obsessed obsessed!



thanksgiving was a blast. JJ and i went to his parents' house to celebrate and believe it or not ol Cleo was a god damn hit! all of the non-dog people were very nice to her, and she got to lick lots of sticky little kid hands, so she was thrilled.

i begged JJ's mom to buy the pumpkin cheesecake from costco, and i continued to eat it for every meal after thanksgiving, SO GOOD OMG.

we also went to Tangled (GREAT MOVIE OMG) and celebrated our niece NJ's bday. 4 years old hoorah. how great is it to be 4? srsly. you get princess costumes and hello kitty purses for your bday. unfair. we are going to disneyland on thursday to continue the celebration as well. I WANNA BE FOURRRRRR. anyway, JJ's mom, JJ's sister E, NJ and i were all laying in bed after her party watching Little Bear when NJ said, "um, excuse me, L, can you please move your belly?" kjasdfjkhsdjaf i guess too much cheesecake? i lose.

on black friday JJ's sisters and mom and i went to a few places to shop and i got a million things for myself and zero christmas gifts.

and last night at 9:02 p.m. which was the start of cyber monday because it was officially 12:02 a.m. east coast time....i bought myself these two things:

ok are you guys not jealous of my purchases??? i went to Burlesque yesterday by myself and ol' Christina wears a dress like this. so i had to copycat her.

so the selfish christmas shopping ended after that. I MEAN IT, L. NO MORE!

on saturday the family went to the USC vs. Notre Dame game. JJ's oldest sister E is a Fightin' Irish alum so the tradition is to set up a tent and sign and tailgate all day before the game. i bought a special shirt to wear to the game this year...

can you see what it says? "Sports Suck." he he heeeeeee obsessed.

Cleo also got to enjoy tailgating:

it was a blast. one minute i was sipping mimosas, and the next i was drinking chardonnay out of the bottle and sneaking my dog into a football game inside of a 1983 Notre Dame jacket that was held together by snaps. i basically just looked like a fat and/or pregnant pedestrian with horrible style. BUT, we succeeded, no one suspected a thing. and OMG i forgot how HUGE the colossuem is. i mean, it's kind of scary. i don't like being in giant crowded areas like that because i'm afraid a terrorist attack will occur and i'll die without writing my book. not a good way to go if you ask me.

successful sneaking of the dog! that is her new red personalized Christmas sweater.

JJ's sister E is like srsly afraid of public restrooms so i happily took NJ potty when she needed to go. and here we are being bored at the game:

hansenz at the game:

it finally started pouring rain and i feared for the suede boots i was wearing. so i whined until JJ agreed to GTFOOT. we drove home, exhausted and went to sleep. phewww.

day 27

a photo of last summer:

dancin in a romper.

in Crescent Bar.

day 26

a photo of your favorite weekend:

this is from the same weekend that i peed and my hair looked good. rmbr? ok well in this one, i ran into the rearview mirror and fell onto the ground. in someone else's pee and next to a cigarette butt. not my proudest moment, however, was the best weekend ever.

day 25

a photo of a night you loved:

this is from Valentine's Day/Nebular's bday 2009. the four of us had an absolute blast. for no particular reason, it was a realllllly fun night. and JJ took this pic of me and Rah at the Davenport safari room. i love it.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

day 24

a photo of you that your hair looks nice in:

ok i'm sorry. but i don't have just one. i have a handful. a good hair day is hard to come by. so i'm including all of them. the first one is the pic where i have a mustache at the king's game with JJ. and it's my FB profile picture right now. but i'm not including it because i just posted it like 2 weeks ago. you know the one. ...i just can't help but look beyond that mustache and see through to my awesome hair and my bangs! PS DID YOU HEAR?!?!? TAYLOR SWIFT GOT BANGS!!! WE BE TWINZ!!!

Me and Rah Greenbluff 2007. i mean, my hair could not be more perfect. it's all newscaster-like but in a Natalie Morales on the Today show kind of way, not the local news way. and doesn't that MJ corduroy bag photograph stupendously!?? i mean, come ON.

this picture is a funny story. i was peeing there. after a full day of tailgating at a WSU football game in Seattle, Sam and i had to go into a restaurant and chug water and eat clam chowder to sober up enough to drive to the Justin Timberlake concert for KKiss' bday. this picture was taken after we arrived at the concert. i had to pee but we arrived early the doors to the Tacoma Dome were locked. so i just hunkered down behind my car door and peed on the cement. and Sam snapped this pic. my hair is just. so. GREAT! i love it.

this is LJ's wedding! i loved my hair at her wedding. i felt so pretty that day, even though i wasn't the gorgeous bride. that dress was so tight. Long Duc Dong made it a litttle snug. i had red raw marks under my armpits and over my boobs when i took it off. but everything was held in quite nicely all day, that's probs why i felt so nice looking. i call this hair JBF hair...i know, it's in bad taste to use that kind of language. but really. the hair is a perfect blend of messed up and polished. perfection!

this picture i took last week. note that i am wearing short sleeves and shorts. I WANT A SNOW DAY WAHHHHH. i learned how to make the PERFECT bun via tutorial by Sydney who is completely adorable. i don't know her. just found her through another cyerfriend's blog. and she gives me a little bit o' inspiration to get my ass out of bed, out of dirty t-shirts and into something pretty. anyway, on a particularly ho-hum unemployment day i decided to make my own perfect bun and get dressed. good job, self. i think i walked to the mailbox and back in this outfit. and that was it. hahhhhh

Monday, November 22, 2010

day 23

a photo of your friend as a baby:

can you guess who this is??




MOON! this is Moon as a fashionable young pup.

pup schmup

i just really like this picture of Cleo Loungin'

Idiot Nerds

we also got these at Big Lots!

and they were so delicious. but then i noticed the advertisement right on the box and i wondered...

how many poor children this year will find out that Santa isn't real when they get these in their stockings??

the idiots at the Nerd Factory (which is contradictory in and of itself) put "Great Stocking Stuffer" right on the box! how awful. Santa doesn't buy stocking stuffers--he MAKES his own. any kid knows that. i hope these nerds don't go crushing any young hearts on Christmas morning this year.

Christmas Time with Hansenz

like i said, the cold weather was making me feel all Christmasy--it was great! on Saturday we went to Big Lots! and got a 6-foot-pre-lit artificial tree for $20! what a steal!!! we met JJ's Mom for lunch yesterday where JJ ate a 100-pound burrito, and then went on a shop-a-thon and got tons of Christmas shopping done. then we went to the storage unit to get our decorations. and. YES. it happened again.

Cleo locked us out.

HONEST TO GOD YOU'D THINK I'D LEARN!!!!! DFKSJDLKJFSLDJKFS ghoddddd. so we hung around in the storage until until AAA came and saved our lives.

we got home and i turned on Alabama's Christmas Album and made the house look like this:

the treeee!!! we have the most perfect corner for it. and those SPARKLY GOLD CANDLES! aren't they ADORBS!?!?!?! target for $5 and $7. wonderful! (after we finished decorating we had to go to target. of course. to get stocking hangers. well, we ended up also getting a new xmas CD, those candles, some ornaments for the little tree AND the stocking hangers. it's literally impossible to go into target and get ONE thing. it's. impossible. I DARE YOU TO TRY!!!)

and there is our fireplace! i love love love it! the stockings were knit by my grandma. everyone in my family has the same one. love. the nativity scene is on the top left and i like the adorable little wreath.

and there is our old little tree. we put it in our room. so now we have a little bit of Yule Cheer in every room of the house! it's wonderful!

day 22

a photo of your town:

here's a panoramic shot of good ol desert Selah.

that is a picture JJ took this weekend. it was cold and rainy allll weekend in cucamongross. it was so great! and the mountains have snow on them. it's very Washington-esque. BUT, it's not as good and wintry as this:

Rah sent me this picture this morning. SNOWING IN SPOKE! that's our old highway 195. we would be bundled up in wonderful wool coats an uggs right now if we were there...sigh.

but really, i enjoyed the cool weather here this weekend. it got me all in a Christmasy mood.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

day 21

a photo of you standing up:

this was taken in May 2009 in new york by Moon. we were on our way to Coney Island.

and that's why i'm smilinggggg

Friday, November 19, 2010

day 20

a photo of something you enjoy doing:

i don't have a photo of me in the movie theater. because THAT is something i truly enjoy. i went this morning for a $5 matinee to see ol HP7 Part 1. OMFG i was on the edge of my seat the whole time! and when that basilisk lunged forward to bite harry, i was the only one who screamed. embarr.

but here is another lovely thing i enjoy doing:

having a dance party on Rah and Nebular's boat to Katy Perry (if i got a new kitten i would name her Kitty Purry...haaaaa get it?????) songs whilst drinking coors light in the lovely summers that the pacific northwest has to offer. you can see Nebular being annoyed in the back, but what you can't see is an even more annoyed JJ because we force him to take 348929843742 pictures of us. tee hee.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

a new house for Cleo

my Mom booked our tickets to Selah for CHRISTMASSSS FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! OMFG i can't wait. and it's for six whole days since JJ works for a baseball team and their season isn't anywhere NEAR Christmas!! hoorahhhhh

i. am. SO. excited.

and guess what? Cleo's my carry-on. LOL. she's coming with us. we are so thrilled. but my Mom told me that the carrying case that she travels in has to have very very specific measurements. and when i measured her adorable chic zebra-printed case that i got a very good deal on last year, i was disgruntled to find that it is ONE INCH too big on all dimensions. damn. so i went onto amazon to look for a New House For Cleo, i.e. a carrier that fits alaska airlines' requirements. and. i. found. this:

LOLOLOL A BABY BJORN FOR A DOGGGGG BAAAHASJKHDHADSHAHAHAHAHA wouldn't JJ look smokin' in that thing? hahahahahahahhaha so funny. so so so soooo funny and so stupid.

all i ever wanted was this one:

but it's $2,200. >sigh<

so...i think i'm getting this one:

just a middle-of-the-road carrier that is about as chic as it's getting for $35.

omg. did i just write a blog about pet carrier shopping? what is wrong with me??!?!?! hahahaaaaaa

a boring questionairre for a boring day

you guys. i'm sorry about this questionairre, i know my blog is not myspace, but i was bored! i'm sorry. please forgive me for doing this i heart youuu

Why are you single?
i'm not! i'm not! i'm married.

Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?
i'm wearing JJ's dirty shirt from yesterday. because i'm unemployed. and sometimes i find it difficult to garner the motivation it takes to put one of my own shirts, a clean one, on.

What's currently bothering you?
Cleo's tear-stains. HOW DO I MAKE THEM GO AWAY?!

What do you currently hear?
a kid skateboarding outside my window...with also means i hear the sound of C's barking. she hates skateboards. wtf?

When was the last time you had your hair cut?
when i was in spokandyland a couple weeks ago!

When were you last outside?
i actually "exercised" today. i walked Cleo over to the park. there was a group of people playing basketball. and Cleo saw them. she walked right over to them, did the ol turn around 3 times, and took a shit. right on the border of where the court meets the grass. so embarrassing. i was like "nice view for you guys, eh?" and did an awkward laugh.

Are you wearing shorts?
nope, leggings.

Does the thought of marriage scare you?
no! of course not. i love marriage!

What are you doing today?
oh.....nothing. i played dress up in my closet, took Cle for that walk, read a book, plucked my eyebrows, picked my blackheads, read some more, took a shower with Cle (not weird, we save water), spent an hour perfecting my voicemail greeting in case a school tries to call me, but really though, my voice is just annoying. i sound like a horny smurf. also i challenged myself to eat only chickadee crackers all day. so far so good.

Look to your left, what is there?
JJ's pillow. obviously i'm laying in my comfy cloud bed.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
10:15. JJ went to the king's game without me, so Cleo and i played Words With Friends with my mom until we fell asleep.

When is your Birthday?
July 29th. remember it bitch.

The way to win your heart?
take me to TJ Maxx and give me a million. dollars. but if you can't do that, then i guess you could just bring me SF Sourdough. oh, how i MISS SF SOURDOUGH!...which i just googled. and the closest one to me is in El Dorado Hills, CA, which is a cool 6 hour and 57 minute drive.

What are you going​ to do this weeke​nd?
JJ and i are going to see HP7 part 1 on saturday! yeeee! and sunday we are doing something we haven't done in a looooong time: going to church. it's not that we don't want to, we just forget. forgive us, Father, WE'LL SEE YA ON SUNDAY!

Were you happy when you woke up today?
i had a dream i had a house, so YES! but then i realized it was a dream so i was a little sad.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
yes. "you're the skinny one L, YOU go"

Would you ever donate blood?
i can't. i'm anemic and because i'm not big enough. you know, even if i was able to donate, i wouldn't. and not because i don't want to help people. but because blood makes me woozy. when i couldn't get the 5 free hours of community service in high school for giving blood, they "let" me work the blood drive for 5 hours. i left after 1 because i puked. blooooooood. bulghhhhhh.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
my littlest sister MM looks a lot like me, only she's prettier and has curves. everyone says she looks like me and i say "well thank you, that must mean you think she's a knockout, drop-dead gorgeous beauty!!!!"

Do you have reason to smile right now?
i found one of JJ's favorite movies "The Great Outdoors" at Target for $5. and i'm so excited to see the look on his face when he discovers it on his side of the bathroom counter. i. loooooooveeeee. surprises!

What do you do when you're stressed out?
cry and whine and shop. which are all very counterproductive.

Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?
i don't know. it depends. if there was a gunman and he was like, "OK which one of you wants to get shot?" i would be like "NOT ME OMFG NOT ME. I DO NOT WANT TO GO BY GUN" but i think if i wasn't expecting it, say if JJ was hanging out the side of a plane or something, i probably would (try to) save him.

Do you open up to people easily?
yes, a little too easily i think. i may let on the crazy a little too early, you know what i mean?

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
yeah. DONNA. who sent me that rude "we're not hiring you" e-mail.

What is the last pill you swallowed?

What was the first thing you thought this morning?
i wish my dream was real. i wish we had a house. actually i wish i had a job. actually i wish i had a chainlink chanel bag.

Who do you blame for your mood today?
myself. because i'm crabby about not having a job. but i should really be grateful for all that i have. there are many many people way worse off than i am.

Where is the person you like right now?
standing in front of me in his underwear wrestling with the dog.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
my adorable niece! when i went to AZ last week to visit Sam, i stopped off and spent time with JJ's sister and her family.

What are you looking forward to right now?

Do you miss someo​ne?
M, S and Baby P. a lot. everyone in Spoke, really. and my family. and the Fab5. and Moon. i miss a lot of peopleee!!!

Does your crush like you?
yes. he he he. i'm married to my crush.

If you could go back in time and change something would you?
YES. i would have just sucked it up and bought the Marc Jacobs bag that i miraculously saw at TJ Maxx that one time for $300. i faltered. then the next day i woke up and said WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, L?!?!? and jumped into the car and sped off to buy it. only it was gone. and my heart broke.

Ever had a near death experience?
yeah, the time i was assaulted by the kayak and the ocean stole my sunglasses.

Something you do a lot?
internet. read. pick my nose. write. watch TV. talk to Moon on the phone. love up on Hubbles.

Last person you cried in front of?
JJ. yesterday. when i had a wee breakdown. ghod, i'm so annoyingggg.

Where will you be 18 hours from now?
sitting on the couch reading or writing probably.

Have you ever been to a tanning bed?
yes. and i can't do them. because a. they're awful for your skin and b. i have a fear of getting locked in and singed to death because that's what happens on one of the final destination movies. and it really scared me. i hate scary movies. i went only because i didn't want to be the baby. BIG MISTAKE.

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
yeah, because i'm mostly awkward all the time.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with the letter J?
omg! yes! and this question is the whole reason i took this quiz. how special. i love JJ. and i kiss him often.

What are you stressed out about?
just please. you all know.

What's your favourite season?
Old Man Winter, i miss your soul. i hate wearing shorts in November. which is why i'm the idiot who wore tights last week, only to get majah regrettable swamp ass.

What was your favourite grade?
i really liked seventh. i was so cute.

When is the next time you'll see your best friend(s)?
CHRISTMAS BREAK! THEN NEW YEARS EVE! I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT!!! but i won't get to see Moon for a while. indefinitely. and that makes me so sad. tear.

Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
my mommy and my daddy. and my sissies.

Are any of your friends pregnant?
no. bitches, are you?? TELL ME NOW

Favourite number?
22. because that was my favorite age to be.

Ever been in love?
yes yes yes

What do you like most sunrise/sunset?
sunrise! i love mornings.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or the lights off?

Are you wearing make-up?
no need. sigh, no need.

What were you doing at 11:30 last night?
out cold.

What's the last thing you said and to who?
what are you making for dinner? to JJ. (i've given up on the chickadee challenge because i got hungry)

Can you whistle?
yes. whistle while you work!

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
i want mah nipples pierced. jkkkkkk, no. this summer i wanted a tattoo. and JJ talked me out of it. thank goodness.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
yes, so comfy.

Are you ticklish?
yes i hate hate hate being tickled. it makes me mad.

Last time you saw fireworks, with who & where?
4th of july! i think...?? i don't know because i was about 6 glasses of vodka-7up-cran in by the time the fireworks would have been going off. i was with JJ and the Fab5 and their mates.

What are you most happy about right now?
WELL, besides the fact that Christmas is coming, i'm so happy that the healthcare reform (i heart you obama) has allowed me to be back on my parents' health insurance. my Dad called me last night to break the news and i jumped for joy. then he said, "you can't get pregnant, though, that's not covered." and i said, "Dad, i can't even afford groceries right now, don't worry."

day 19

a photo of you on a school trip:

a. my heart! it hurts! i'm not in schoooooooooool anymore.

and b. i never went on a "school trip" per se....

but here it is. Moon, Me, Juelz Santana and The Black Dahlia at Big Al's.

there is a thing called senior events at Gonzaga. you pay some dough to get these coveted wristbands (you can see them piled on The Black Dahlia's wrist in the photo). every event has a different colored wristband. senior events consist of a boat cruise, bowling night, david's pizza and beer day, Big Al's Country Barn, Senior Ball, and ATW (around the world) which is when all the seniors wear the same t-shirt and go around to "sponsored" houses around campus and drink. each house is a "country" i.e. one house was france. so we were served "mimosas" (champagne and tang) and costco croissants. and so on and so on.

senior events was the. best. week. ever.

Moon and i had a thing for matching. so we wore hankies as tops to Big Al's. we look like siamese twins in this picture. also, that drink The Black Dahlia has in her hand? The Derailer. don't get one.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

it ain't easy, no it ain't

i went to the career fair today.

for 10 minutes. and i brought Cleo in the car with me because she absolutely did not want to be left behind. so i parked in the shade and cracked the windows while i went inside. i left after 7 minutes because these were the available job opportunities:

1. ultrasound technician
2. insurance agent
3. door-to-door salesperson
4. police officer

since none of those sounded remotely interesting, i walked around to the booths, grabbed the free pens and candy and GTFOOT. what a waste of my gorgeous grey Theory slacks that i spent half the morning ironing.

i walked back out to the car started to drive home. then i smelled Something Horrible. i turned around and there, right in the backseat, were three dog logs. MOTHERF CLEO! so i had to pull over at the la quinta inn and park in the handicapped spot while i cleaned the shit with a single anti-bacterial hand wipe.

and we were back on our way home. and when we got back, i opened my e-mail to find that i had been denied for an administrative job at a college i applied to a month ago. which was fine. i've been getting a lot of those lately, they are starting to roll right off the back. but this one got under my skin and forced a single tear to fall down my cheek because it was rude. rude rude rude. ouch. here is what it said:

Hi L,

Thank you for your interest in the secretarial position in the Office of Admission. There was an overwhelming response to the posting. After reviewing all of the resumes and applications, I have chosen a small group to contact and interview. I am sorry to say that I did not see a match with your resume and the requirements of our position.

best of luck in your job search,


well fudge you, DONNA.

then i went into the kitchen and heated up some crab rangoons from target and dipped them in ranch dressing.

and JJ got home from work to swiftly kiss me on the cheek before grabbing his jersey and leaving to go to the king's game. so i'm alone again. burping up crab rangoon and ranch dressing. sigh.

it ain't easy bein unemployed.

day 18

a photo of one of your classes.

which is like a mean cruel joke. because obviously i'm no longer lucky enough to be in college. so i made up my own. Business 402: Loving These Goons:

i chose business because i would never ever take a business class. snoooooze!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Santa: The Early Years

my sister M sent me this. i call it "Santa: The Early Years"

that's my DAD. ahjsdfhjashahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! doesn't he look like a young santa?!?! OMG SO FUNNY

he is wearing a NIGHTGOWN kjashdfhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH that my Mom sewed for all of us for christmas '96. i'm not kidding. and his slippers. with the glass of ice water that looks like milk.

and the glasses that look like HALF-MOON SPECTACLES OMFG I DIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

my Dad called me yesterday to tell me that he was almost done with the Christmas lights. this is week 3 that he has been working on them. he loves NOTHING more than Christmas lights. do you know that book called "simple pictures are best" ?? it's about how all the bells and whistles can ruin something nice. like the simpler, the better. well my Mom always tries to tell my Dad that in August when he starts anticipating the Christmas lights, but in the end, my Dad goes insane with the lights. INSANE. don't worry, i'll post pictures when the lights are done. it's pretty hilarious. almost as bad as Griswold Himself.

successful day

this morning i gently removed my favorite gold "L" necklace that my Mom got me for my birthday last year and opted for the more professional silver tiffany's heart necklace that JJ got me and slipped into my giant houndstooth pencil skirt. i put on a black cardigan and some gray pumps and pulled my hair back. i gathered my carefully written cover letters and perfected resumes into a bright pink folder and headed out the door.

and i applied for 5 substitute teaching jobs! yay! two of the schools said they "desperately needed subs" so fingers crossed peeps. PLZ I NEED A JOB, LORD KNOWS HELLO KITTY NEEDS SOME CA$H. and i could use a little christmas shopping money. otherwise i'm going to have to resort to half-used macy's giftcards from our wedding. pah-thetic.

so every time i parked my car at each school, panic would overcome me for a moment before i gained full confidence. i'm quite charming, but it's still nerve-racking. all of the schools i applied to were Catholic schools, so the fact that JJ's great-uncle is a bishop of the archdiocese of LA, and the fact that his mom writes for the LA Catholic newspaper makes my reference list look all important and shiz. thrilling!

every time i would walk to each school, i would struggle a little to find the office, but the nice school children would say "lady! the office is that way!" they were friendly and delightful, just the children i would like to substitute teach someday. at one particular school, i opened a brown gate with a gold cross on it, which was what i THOUGHT was the entrance. nope. dumpster. ksdfjkfdsl but really, why go through the trouble of putting a golden cross on the dumpster door?!?!?!

overall, it was a very successful day. so i treated myself to a cheese quesadilla with extra jalepeno sauce and a side of sour cream with a small mountain dew for lunch after i was finished. i parked in the Taco Bell parking lot and listened to my book on CD-rom and enjoyed myself thoroughly before heading home.

now, on tomorrow's schedule: The Rancho Cucamonga Career Fair. which i'm a little skeptical about because i'm like is this a blue collar career fair? like i don't want to drive a forklift or be a janitor. i'd rather be Rob Dyrdek's personal assistant.

but anyway, the point is that i'm feeling highly successful this week because i'm actually doing something besides drinking wine at 3 p.m. with my eyes glued to hulu.com

pat on the back, self.

day 17

a drunk photo of you:

well this is my favorite for obvious reasons (i.e. you can't see my face, my legs are bare, my shirt strap is down and my hair is so perfectly disheveled). my 21st bday. July 2007.

oh, the realization that i'm getting old just hit me.

day 16

a photo of you at the last party you went to:

this is funny and/or embarrassing because i haven't been to a party in ages. the last five parties i went to were 1. JJ's grandpa's 90th birthday, 2. LJ's wedding, 3. Rah's wedding, and 4. my own birthday party (which wasn't even a party. it was me and three friends and JJ and my parents), and 5. an appreciation party for JJ's great-uncle Joe who is a Catholic bishop. the average age at this party was 75. not kidding. but boy, there was plenty of wine! hurrah! this party was at LMU so JJ and i took Cleo with us into LA. i left the next morning for my workshop, so we stayed the night at his sister's house so it would be a quick easy trip to LAX to drop me off. ok so it was totally hot outside the day of the party. and we couldn't leave Cleo at his sister's house because she is NOT a dog person. and i would die of complete embarrassment if, when we got home there would be pees and poops belonging to Cleo on her hardwood floors. OH THE HORROR! i'm turning red at the thought of it. stupid dog.

so our plan was to leave the dog in the car with a chewstick while we went to the party. but we had to park in a parking garage and since it was SO hot out, we couldn't leave her in there. so i did the unthinkable: i. put. her. in. my. purse.

and JJ's sister isn't the only non-dog-person in his family. they never had a family dog. like, they don't get the bond between a boy and his christmas puppy, you know what i mean? and here i come, barging into the family with a cute, but un-potty-trained dog. and his family is so nice. they all try and pretend to love Cleo, but i can tell they're like WHAT'S THE APPEAL OF THIS THING!?!?!

sneaking Cleo into an appreciation dinner being thrown by JJ's animal-abstaining family, for a retired bishop was in fact, not the highest point of my life.

but she was perfect. she sat in Gucci like a stuffed animal. she took a nap even. i just stayed seated with my purse on my knee, Cleo's head resting on the rim of the purse snoozing away. and no one knew but JJ.

until, after a few glasses of wine, i thought it would be cute to show my 7-year-old nephew (who is the daughter of one of the animal abstainers) "my secret" and told him under no circumstances was he to tell Grandma or i would be Dead Meat. well, shame on me for trusting a 7-year-old. he threw me under the bus the first chance he could get and tattle told on me to JJ's Mom. who of course was perfectly sweet about it, smiling and laughing and saying "i can't believe it!" but i knew deep down she was thinking OMG i hope there's not bits of dog drool in the pâté!

it was quite the ordeal. and i was probably just as embarrassed as i would have been if the damn dog shit on JJ's sister's hardwood floor. so i had to ask myself, was it worth it? >sigh< i'm just an idiot.

so, after that tangent, i realized i do not in fact have a picture from that night. so here is the last "party" i attended. my own birthday party. whattaloser.

Kkiss, Me, KitKat, Sam.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

day 15

a photo of someone you love:

i love myself. and my glorious brett michaels hair under my cowboy hat in this pic taken by my friend San at Rah's bachelorette party.

one year for christmas my mom bought me a shirt that says I HEART ME. and everyone's always tellin me how fudging vain i am. so i guess i have to agree.

BUT, you should all know that i am a very caring and unselfish person and everyone knows i buy the best presents. so even though i'm obsessed with myself, i'm obsessed with all you bitches too.
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