Tuesday, May 31, 2011

party weekend

pants: Michael Kors, top: Panache, shoes: Jessica Simpson, sunglasses: Gucci

wahhhh! back to Cucamongross. it was a whirlwind of a weekend, but i had a blast! in the Seattle airport on friday i had a long layover so i went to Anthony's and got fish tacos and two big glasses of wine and enjoyed them in a booth to myself. it was delightful. i got in really late and my mom and CA picked me up. we went home and chatted with sister MM and cousin Noni. then i got a text from my mom that said "SHHH!" i guess we were being a little bit loud he he oops. 

saturday morning we went to MM's fastpitch game. then it was errands. endless errands i had to run for M's shower and bachelorette party. i stopped for a McD's frozen lemonade (third best decision of my life behind switching to kotex tampons and marrying JJ) i WILL be getting these on a weekly basis now...and then ran more errands. then i went to a party for KitKat's husband. he graduated medical school! then it was home to prepare for the bachelorette party. the girls got to my parents' house at 8 and the fun began! my parents and grandparents were there to enjoy the raunchy penile paraphernalia which was a little bit awkward but also hilarious. then MM and her best friend drove the bach bunch all around town. we got home at 2:00 a.m. success.  notable moments:
  •  Mimi shouting "pecker down!" when my penis straw fell out of my glass
  • the "naughty bands." like the popular children's "silly bands" but instead of being in the shape of barnyard animals or spongebob, the "naughty bands" were shaped as weiners an butt plugs and sex positions. they were a riot. good gift, Schurm!
  • M getting called on stage.
  • C Hutch's toe bursting open on the dance floor and bleeding everywhere
  • blow job shots. washington apple shots. porn star shots. jolly rancher shots. tequila shots. 
  • the pregnant bar tender
  • my nipple chaffage (my dress was NOT made of cashmere. it rubbed against my poor ladies all night long. the next morning all i wanted was to lay topless on my back with vasaline rubbed on them).
  • the grandma nightgown given to M by her fiance's sister Al. LOL
  • cousin A getting hit on by Selah townie men.
  • Al getting hit on by Yakima townie women.
  • BreeMae pointing out the amount of times the penis straws were dropped on the ground and then put back in the drunken bachelorette's mouth. yummy.
  • R Fick never leaving the dance floor.
  • meeting up with M's fiance CP at the last bar.
  • our friends' band playing a song for M and CP. one last dance before going home!
 left to right: C Hutch, R Fick, cousin A, M, me, BreeMae, Schurm, Al (i look like a midget. i'm not. my sister is 5'10" in heels and BreeMae is 6'1")

M had a blast and so did the rest of us. we conked out and awoke a bit lackluster the next morning to get ready for the shower!

the spread! Mimi made spinach, watermelon, strawberry and goat cheese salad, and i made quiche! i really did! and it was good, people loved it! the banner says Mrs. Powell (M's new name)

 we played the game where the groom answered questions and M had to guess what his answers were...for every question she got wrong, she had to chew a piece of double bubble! hehee that was her wad by the end.

M opening her presents sitting next to her volleyball friends

it was lovely! then it was home for a power nap and off to Sam's law school graduation party where KKISS SHOWED UP AND ALL THE FAB5 WERE TOGETHER! it was a wonderful surprise. and we are the best friends because we bought Sam an engraved Tiffany keyring. KitKat had to leave with her husband early...they had to go home and finish packing because they are moving to Pennsylvania. the fab5 huddled and cried as we said goodbye to our redheaded team member. that makes 3 of us in Seattle, 1 in California and 1 in Pennsylvania. it's a good thing we are the best of friends and stay in touch. separating is hard for us. and i may just burst into tears just thinking about KitKat's move to the east coast, so on to something else!

sunday night it was just the six of us original family members. it hasn't been just us in a long time. we played games and chatted and spent time together, it was so wonderful. i miss them. then on monday we went to visit Grandma, had a family meeting to discuss M's wedding plans, and Dad and i had a barbecue. we cooked for everyone! then it was time to visit Pappy in the hospital and to the airport where i cried because i had to leave home. Nel was visiting her home in Washington this weekend too, so we met up in Seattle and had some more Anthony's and watched 16 and pregnant on her ipad until we got back to the Cucamongross. 

JJ and Cleo picked me up and we all headed back to the apartment. and today it was back to real life. i woke up late, forgot my breakfast and ate nothing but a cookie all day. i made cous cous for my husband for dinner and took it to him at work and now i'm snuggling with one cute pup in bed. i'm calling in early tonight. 

i hope your memorial day weekend was as eventful as mine.

what's on L's phone?!

you should play too!

 L mug.


 MM had her state fastpitch tournament this weekend. i went to watch her play (she hit a home run! woohoo!) ...this is where LJ and i spent the entire summer of 02. in the Selah Carlon Park concession stand. listening to Vanessa Carlton and eating popcorn dipped in nacho cheese.

 cute Mom takin' a snooze. notice that the couch cushions are off...that's because HANK ATE TWO BAGS OF CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND BARFED THEM UP ALL OVER THE COUCH! that sonofabitch.

 Lola666 can be cute when she wants to. especially if you are eating her favorite thing (pita chips) and thinks maybe you'll give her a nibble.

 my new Washington necklace! it came at just the right time...JJ set the package on my nightstand so i opened it right when i got home from the airport and right when i was missing my home state.

 this is a plate that i made when i was 4. i love that i drew myself with a bald head.

 JJ got my dad and M's fiance CB Quakes hats. they're so awkward. and we have had that toy gun for years. WHO buys a family of 4 girls a toy gun?? and WHY do my parents still have it? and WHY does everyone still play with it?!?! seriously every time i come home i end up picking it up and messing around with it. wtf?!

 Hank excreting the last of the chocolate chips out of his system.

 my sister (in pink headband) MM was in the paper! her team got 4th place, but she's crying because they didn't get to go to the championship game.

 PPPEEEOOONNNIIIEEESSS! i love them i love them i love them more than anything in life!

 Chanel doing what she does best. eating.

 my sister M all dressed up in her bachelorette garb. and yes, that's a penis maraca.

 Cleo on the way to the airport. what a cute puppers. everyone who passes us in the car giggles. it's hard not to. she's adorable!

this was in my daily devotional book. "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Proverbs 18:22. about the most true statement i've ever heard.

NELLARDDDDDDD i miss this fatcat

Friday, May 27, 2011

off to selah i fly

 skirt: UO, top: Ross, boots: BCBG, sunglasses: Gucci/gift from Mimi

going homeeeeeeee today! JJ is picking me up from work to go to the airport very soon. and i literally only packed like 4 items of clothing because my suitcase is filled with presents for everyone. i'm so excited to have alone time with my book. i hope i don't get an annoying chatterbox next to me. is that rude? 

i have such a jammed pack weekend, starting at 7 a.m. tomorrow. wheee! i cannot wait to see my family and my best friends. it will be glorious. and on the way home Nel and i have the same flight from Seattle to Cucamongross. so we are going to sit in the Alaska terminal sipping red wine and eating chowder from Anthony's--which will make the sad trip back SO much more endurable (sad only because i hate to say goodbye to my WA treasures). 

Cleo totally knew i was leaving her. after JJ and i left the apartment with my suitcase she totally freaked out and ran out to the balcony and screamedddd. it was so pitiful. poor little puppers. 

you guys. HAVE to try the sally hansen salon effects nail strips. srsly. AMAZING. i got the "kitty, kitty" ones. so cool! and they are supposed to last for 10 days. something you should know about me: i HATE mani/pedis. sometimes i will go if a friend invites me, but be sure that i am not enjoying it. it's like, NO STOP TICKLING MY FEET AND RIPPING OUT MY HANGNAILS! and STOP talking shit about me in a foreign language. i just would rather paint my own nails and so i do. so these sally hansen strips are my poor man's manicure that i can do myself and get a nice "salon effect" without actually having to go to a salon. 
my cuticles look like shit. PROBABLY BECAUSE I NEVER GO TO THE NAIL SALON. but doesn't the polish look fabulous? i know, thanks.

happy memorial day weekend you guys, have a blast.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

desperately seeking deodorant

 dress: Forever21, sweater: JCP, scarf: Louis Vuitton/gift from CP, belt: Target, boots: random store (purchased in haste)

i was up late last night watching American Idol (GO SCOTTY!) and packing for my trip home this weekend, so i woke up a little lackluster today. i was late and i was groggy. so i threw on this urban cowboy/hippie/a little bit crazy outfit this morning. i was embarrassed by weird ensemble when i first left the apartment, but it's sort of growing on me. sometimes you gotta let the freak flag fly. fashion is progressive. try something out of your comfort zone every once in a while and rock it with confidence.

those are my Russel Brand cowboy boots, remember? Rah and i had to buy boots in a hustle because it was cold and wet and rainy and we were wearing sandals like fools. so i can't remember where i got them.

today my darling husband and my cute pup picked me up from work on my lunch break and we ate on the patio of a cute little Italian restaurant and the waiter brought Cleopatra a bowl of water. i love dog friendly restaurants that let you dine outside with your furry friend. 

except, on the way back to the car, of course, at the most inopportune time, when we find ourselves without a doggie poo bag...Cleo took a poo right in the middle of the sidewalk. so i had to sheepishly stand there, next to the steaming pile while JJ dashed over to the car to grab a jiffy lube receipt that he used to pick up the shit. >sigh<

i forgot to wear deodorant today so i smell like a rotten onion and butt. i've been very careful not to let anyone close to me. but it's one of those where it smells so bad that i can't help but give myself a little sniff. and each time i'm just as surprised to find that indeed, my armpits smell like shit. 

note to self: set new hygiene goal.  

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

thanks 8 ball

skirt: F21, sweater: Old Navy, belt/heels: TJ Maxx

OMG who do i think i am with that ass, Kim Kardashian?! booooooooootylicious. which is fine with me considering my tiny hiney is usually the butt of everyone's jokes (PUN INTENDED!)

my blog post is late today because i forgot to bring my camera cord to work BLURG! (Liz Lemon anyone...??) i was so annoyed with myself for forgetting. 

today was a hyper hump day. first, my coworker Marsh brought me a lemon from her tree in her backyard and it's twice the size of my fist! so i got to enjoy lemon slices in my water all day, which was very thrilling. 

hmmm let's see, what else was i hyper about....??

OH FUDGING YEAH-- I'M TAKING 6 DAYS OFF WORK AT THE BEGINNING OF JULY FOR MY SISTER M'S WEDDING (i'm already starting to tear up at the thought of it) AND....THEN ON TO AN IMPROMPTU VACAY TO SPOKANNDYLAND TO SEE MY RAHHHHHHHH (and Nebular, Francois, Benjamin Pierre, and Sand, Sweet E, Min, CP and M, S and Baby P and Dee) i was supposed to go back home after M's wedding but Rah sent me this:

and, well, i can't just NOT listen to the 8-ball. SO i just SWITCHED my flight back to the Cucamongross. instead i am flying from M's wedding in Oregon straight to Spoke. eeeeee!! i'm TRES excited. i cannot cannot wait. it's going to be the best 10 days ever. the sad part is JJ can only be there for 3 days. and Cleo, 0 days. she will be staying behind in socal.

i was so hyper after i booked this trip that i had to run in place for 4 minutes in my office to burn off some energy. and then the rest of the day was a blissful breeze. 


Tuesday, May 24, 2011


skirt: JCP, tee: Juicy Couture, boots: TJ Maxx

i'm pooping a plant and a flamingo lawn ornament. these are the things i wish JJ would tell me before he takes the picture. oh well.

i got these boots years ago. but i still love them. they are party boots. i usually wear them on Valentine's day, but i forgot this year. and this outfit was awfully black and white without them. they add such a pop of color. and they are just such a nice, bright way to say HELLO WORLD!

today i entered into a heated debate via instant messenger with an office depot person named Jeslin. i ordered ink for my boss' printer but they only sent me blue. i needed the blue and the magenta and the yellow. but Jeslin said NO YOU DON'T NEED ANY OTHERS BUT BLUE. and i said "yes i do. all the colors ran out. i need the magenta and the yellow too." and he said, "you only need one." and i was all GUY, C'MON! I NEED ALL THE COLORS SO MY COWORKER'S PRINTER DOESN'T PRINT OUT EVERYTHING IN BLUE. in the end i just clicked out of the instant messenger box. it's a lot easier than hanging up when you're on the phone with one of them. and of course, when i asked my coworker about it, he said, "i need the yellow and the magenta too, please." thanks a LOT, JESLIN.

there is a bird who has taken residence right outside of my building. it makes loud, long, drawn-out mating calls that sort of sound like a woman in labor. he is very obnoxious. but he is also very funny. i like to hear him making his awkwardly vociferous calls against the sterile quiet of my cave office.

JJ says when i get 100 followers he will buy me a chocolate creme pie. isn't that nice? help me get to 100! I WANT THAT PIE OMG!

last night i had a delicious glass of wine and delicious conversation with Rah. JJ made black bean tacos with lettuce and green salsa and sour cream. they were yummy. SO YUMMY. and then i watched the bachelorette. ashley is so annoying. and like, c'mon, are you stupid? Bentley is an ass. and his daughter's name is cozy. COZY?! that's an adjective, not a name. i'm rooting for Will and JP. my favies. i love to get obsessed with these kinds of shows. totally frivolous and fun. and Nel is just as obsessed. so we were madly texting each other back and forth judging all the men. who do YOU want to win?

see you tomorrow dahlings.

What's on L's Phone?!

a whole lotta shit this week. that's what.

 that's my bra. you see, after JJs closet collapsed, i emptied it and called maintenance. i told them they could enter our apartment when we are not there, but just to make sure to pet Cleo so she wouldn't be scared. well, we didn't exactly expect them to come so fast. they came yesterday while we were at work! and, upon arriving home, i noticed a few inappropriate things laying around on the ground that the poor maintenance man had to deal with while fixing the closet. this particular one was my fault, as it is my bra.

 JJ's fault.


and this is the note the maintenance man left us: "i put up the closet shelves and added extra support. have a great day Cleopatra is fun to work with." so i guess he wasn't fazed by the inappropriate objects then. and "Cleopatra was fun to work with" ?! like, how was she fun to work with guy? was she handing you nails and a hammer?

 Nel's fatbooth hahahahaa

Jewel's fatbooth hahahahah


this is how i greet mondays

 getting my hiney whooped by my friend CP. REALLY 93 POINTS?!?!

Cleo the cutest nugget in the whole wide worrrrrld!  

my new jammie jams! Calypso for Target. pardon the messy floor.

market pantry brand: sour gummies and chocolate covered peanuts. THE BEST you guys.

just a pair of dirty ol panties hanging around Nel's condo conplex.

have you guys heard of Homeboy? they make the most delicious chips and salsa ever. they are sold at Ralph's down here and it's all we buy anymore. Homeboy Industries is a safe haven for former gang members trying to get back on their feet. Father Greg founded it and he helps these young people get counseling, high school degrees and free tattoo removal. but the most important thing he gives them is a job! so so cool. read more about Homeboy Industries here.

i was taking Cleo for a walk when we passed this sign. and i had to do a double-take because i could have sworn the blonde girl was me. SRSLY. i thought it was. until i remembered that i never participated in that event. but doesn't it look like me?!?! omg!

on saturday morning i was feeling nostalgic. so i laid in bed wearing my wedding shoes, staring at their beauty.

a fellow Washingtonian in the Cucamongross!

hahahaha another fatbooth of me getting my hair done. 

the delicious meal Nel made on saturday night :)

Cleo helping me clean out JJ's closet.

my newest Ross find. it's an hourglass. and it sort of makes me anxious. like the sand that's falling represents time that is gone and is never coming back. GAH!!!


i can spell!
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