Tuesday, July 5, 2011

what's on L's phone?!

hi. i know it's been like a week. OMG! i have been a busy crazy animal. but i have lots on my phone. so i'll catch ya up real quick. and i may have a joke for you later this week. then i will be back to normal next Sunday. hope you all had a fabulous 4th!

dad the day after the wedding. out. cold.

KKiss, me and LJ at the wedding. BY the way, i thought i had a wonderful MOH speech. i mean i really thought i had it in the bag with some jokes and some sweet moments. i even texted my Mom last week and said, "MY SPEECH IS SO GREAT!" i was up high on my horse. i stood up there and took the microphone. and i mentioned the time i told my sister M that boogers tasted good and she should eat hers, how we used to stay up late watching Talk Sex with Sue Johanson, how we got MIPs together and how we share secrets and clothes...and Cody Smeback. except nobody laughed. because everyone ended up thinking we both had sex with Cody Smeback. (!!!!!) and NO we didn't. we simply both kissed him in junior high. (and i was totally mad at her for like 2 weeks because i really liked him). anyway, people were all awkward and shifted in their seats. (including Cody Smeback's aunts and uncles). and i did a little chuckle and swallowed and cleared my throat and started sweating at the brow. and then i turned it sweet and was like "now it's time for Meggie and Chase to share everything." and i lifted up my glass and toasted them saying, "may you share the most beautiful life together." i had thought it was perfect. but really it totally bombed. and i was mad. because i thought it was really funny. and people should have laughed. and the next morning M told me it sucked. so basically i'm about on par with George W. Bush in the speech-giving department. so don't ask me to be your MOH because i will stand up there and say something stupid.

 mmmm gimmie some of that. LJ's husband and JJ

me and rudolph.

me and cousin A being pretty while getting ready for the wedding. 

loveroos after the rehearsal dinner.

me and cousin B Charles' gf and my new best friend...

...and soulmate.

my sister's new husband bought this for me two days before the wedding. knotty blonde ale. way to become my brother with a bang!

i found this little lady on my desk wednesday. i put my finger next to her so she'd crawl up and i could take her outside. but nothing happened. i let out a sigh...

 and she blew away. it was then that i realized she was dead.

 sister CA getting mani/pedi with the bridal party. MIMOSAS?! YES PLEASE! PARTY IN THE USA!

why yes, i'll have another.

pretty bridey.

the night of the wedding we sent off the bride and groom by swinging tea lights on strings. CA (and plenty of others) got a little carried away and swung their tea lights up into the air. two days later when we were leaving town, something caught my eye. CA's tealight suspended out of reach in a tree. LOL

sister MM and i saw these at a gas station in Oregon. sounds delish, no? OMG BARFFFFFF

SHAVED ICE with MM. tiger's blood flavor of course. check out my one hobo tooth. hot.

5 hour drive home and Dad HATES to stop. once it was for me to pee and have subway. the next it was for me and MM to enjoy shaved ice, and when i told Dad i had to poo and could he please stop for a third time, he yelled "DAMMIT LACIE I'M NOT STOPPING AGAIN! YOU CAN SHIT YOURSELF!" thanks, i practically did. 

the ol bastard Chanel.

a couple more note-worthy moments where i didn't have my phone to document:

  •  As JJ was leaving home to come to the Pacific Northwest for the wedding weekend, he went out to our garage to grab the travel bag for his golf clubs. (my clubs are in there right now and have been ever since we moved). he unzipped it...AND SAW LIKE A THOUSAND COCKROACHES OMG! so he quickly zipped it back up and went to Big 5 and bought a new one. he's now back home, but has yet to deal with the cockroaches. OMG. so miserable. it's SO going to be me that has to kill them all. i probably left a sandwich or a bag of skittles or something in my bag the last time i went golfing (over a year ago). that's probs what made the roaches come. my plan is to go out there with bug spray and rubberbands on the ankles of my pants (so they don't skitter up my jeans and into my butthole) and scream while spraying them all dead. sound good?
  • i sobbed like a child at M's wedding. and i had snot running down my face. so i wiped my nose with my dress and my Mom's friend caught it on camera. CA didn't let one tear fall. and she told me it was because all she could think about during the wedding was how M's husband walked in on sister MM in the bathroom once in mid-wipe. hahahahahhhh
  • CA's boyfriend and JJ got about 35 comments on how they looked like brothers at M's wedding.
  • while partaking in a wiffle ball game on Sunday, unathletic family friend Nay hit the ball and she ate shit on the way to first base. we all pointed and laughed. it was hilarious. then i was up next. i swung and i made contact! i ran! then tripped on my maxi dress, ripped it and ate shit.  i mean COME ONNNN!
  • JJ left at 4 a.m. the morning after the wedding. my Dad took him to the airport. he didn't even say goodbye. i woke up and looked around. i discovered that all he left me was a pair of his dirty underwear. thanks.
congrats to my sissy M and her new hubby! they are so cute. and he shall be a wonderful brother. 


  1. I think your speech is (was? Sounded?) good! So boo on everyone who didn't laugh. Also, cockroaches?! OMG. Sick. Tie like 60 rubberbands just for good measure. That's terrifying.

  2. oh that creepy pic of you guys sans me must have been taken when i had to walk my old, drunk fiance home through "raper's alley."

  3. And for what its worth, I thought your speech was funny :)

  4. Oh, that Sue Johansson. She knows some things.

  5. Whisky Tango Foxtrot! Your speech was great! And you know it, Baby Girl!

  6. I loved the speech! And I'm sure everyone else would have too if they could've gotten past the wondering about Cody Smeback. If you would've clarified that it was just Middle School kisses, the speech would have gotten an A+ !

  7. LAcie. I feel your MOH speech pain. same thing happened to me last august!!!! Only i didn't really have a speech planned bc the best man and i decided they would be more natural if we winged it. well he went first, and let me tell you boy is a winging natural. and the bride had introduced me earlier and used the main story i was going to use about us! So there i was floundering, talking about when we used to drink in my loft bedroom and other stuff that was equally unheartfelt. oh godddddd i bombed it horribly and probably will cringe everytime i think about it for the rest of my life gahhhhhhhhhh


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