Wednesday, August 31, 2011

the mustache

pants: F21, top: Nord Rack, shoes: BCBG, bracelets: various

JJ never takes a picture of anything besides me. so i was surprised that i found the following while uploading from the camera to the computer:

ohhhh Chanel. girl can't eat a meal without at least one morsel of food dropping onto the table. doesn't that globe make her look skinny/worldly? she threw up another colossal hairball this evening, followed by 8 quarts of cat vomit. she missed my computer cord by mere centimeters, instead unleashing her stomach on the corner of Catholicism in the Third Millennium: Second Edition that JJ's Mom bought for me. my cat's a heretic apparently.

this is Cleo waiting for Chanel to drop food in her path. why are dogs obsessed with any food aside from their own??? one of life's mysteries. 

in other news, my husband is growing the most atrociously disgusting molester criminal mustache i've ever seen in all my life. his coworkers are growing them too. they aren't shaving them until the Quakes lose a game. which could last two more weeks if they win the whole damn playoffs. omgggggggg. you should see him when he puts his retainer WITH the mustache. if Napolean Dynamite's brother Kip and Shaggy from Scooby Doo had a lovechild, JJ would be it.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

what's on L's phone?!

not amused.

sister M posted her wedding pics!

sisters. me, m, ca, mm.

HOORAY FOR THE QUAKES LAST HOME GAME BEFORE THE PLAY-OFFS! JJ's mother and i are completely thrilled!

dear L: this is shameful. just shameful. great outfit, though.

Nel chillin on the Hyatt balcony in the Springs.

that swimsuit is just inappropriate. but, i have to hand it to least he manscapes so his pubes are hanging out of those microscopic shorts. srsly. i will never forget the frightful image of being on swim team with my sister M when we were at the wee ages of just 7 and 5. and there was a high school kid on the team. he had red hair. and just like all the other males on the team, he wore a speedo. let's just say the carpet matched the drapes to a horrifying degree. HORRIFYING.

BL limes by the pool? ummmm DUH.

 in the words of Nel's 12:43 a.m. text message to her husband: "palm springs rules!"

hahahahhaha! new magnet from Rah. love it!

before you freak out...that's so NOT a turd. in fact, it's a Chanel hairball. i know this because i stepped on it. and it squished between my toes and i almost threw up. she hacked up three of these. the size of hotdogs. lsdfkjlsdjfk OHMYGODDDDD so gross. i hate her sometimes. thinking we may have to do this again:
rawr! fierce! for the full story, click here (photo circa July 2007).

Nel's husband carrying her purse LOLOLOLOL

 hahahahahha my mom sent this to me of my dad PTFO at like 7:30 p.m. in his chair. with his belly hanging out. hahahahahah i love this. hahahaahhahahaahaaaa

 Rob Lowe is just DEMANDING to made fun of in this photo. what a douche.

an evening tea made by my hubbles in my new Anthro teacup :)

Monday, August 29, 2011

completely nuts

shorts/belt: JCP, tee: H&M, shoes: Ross, flower: Anthropologie

these shorts. they're like mom/women's softball player shorts. but whatever. i was tired this morning and they were the first thing i grabbed out of the closet. i love when i accidentally put a cute outfit together. it's like a fun surprise! 

JJ loves to take pictures like these. i definitely had to crop out the double chin:

so i bought my first ebook on my ipad. the paris wife. and i was so thrilled to begin. and then i realized that my idiot self bought it twice. one hard copy and one digital. garghhhH!!! so stupid. C'MON L!!!!

but you want to know what's stupider? getting drunk with your friend in palm springs and getting a tattoo:

by a man name "Dollar." that's real. HIS NAME WAS DOLLAR. and that's 7 18. my wedding date. total eva longoria-style. except she got a divorce and got hers removed. CLASSY! Nel and i are completely nuts. CRAZY! i told JJ that now our marriage is REALLY legit. you know, now that it's on me forever. haahh. he's REALLY stuck with me forever now. teehee. so i kind of regret it. because it was so last-minute and crazy. BUT my friend Kit Kat made a good point, "at least it's not a tattoo of tweety bird or something stupid..." i mean.........she's totally right. 

Friday, August 26, 2011


skirt: F21, top/belt: Gap, pirate scarf: Disneyland, heels: Paolo

last night i had the hiccups. and for some reason it really pissed JJ right off. he was SO annoyed by my hiccups. he googled ways to fix them and forced me to act out the remedies. and each time my hiccups would stop for like 10 seconds and JJ would get all excited that they were gone. then all of a sudden another hiccup would slip out. and he would shout. and i would laugh. and it turned into a hilarious game. 

i just ate a whole bag of chocolate covered peanuts. 

Nel and i are peacin' out and going to Palm Springs tomorrow. we got a sweeeet deal at the hyatt and are going to thoroughly enjoy ourselves. and we are stopping at a huge outlet mall on the way home. yeeeee! happy weekending.

also, one last thing: really Kim Kardashian with the white bridesmaid dresses? vomm.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

string cheese

skirt/belt: Ann Taylor Loft, tee: James Perse via TJ Maxx ($!0!), shoes: Isaac Mizrahi for Targ, bag: Louis, sunglasses: Chanel

today i had a string cheese for breakfast. and i really hate when people eat string cheese like it's one big stick. it must be strung before eaten. i like to peel my strings into very thin, fine pieces to extend the enjoyment. today a student came into my office just after i had finished my string cheese. he was a new student so i was extra extra nice to him. i explained his tuition and fees and discussed financial aid with him and i smiled a lot. it was a nice little meeting. but after he left i felt a little tickle on my upper-lip/mustache area....OMFG. I HAD A PIECE OF STRING CHEESE HANGING OFF MY LIP THE WHOLE TIME THE STUDENT WAS IN MY OFFICE. 

such an idiot. like really, L? could i honestly not feel the cheese on my lip WHILE the student was watching my mouth--watching me TALK?!?!?!!! sometimes it's incredible how much i lose.

it's the last $2 beer night at Quakes stadium tonight and also my Kim Kardashian's wedding issue of People came in the mail. ahskfdaksdjfjkasd!!!!!

it really is the perfect Thursday.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

division 4

skirt: F21, top: UO, booties: ?

today was top 5 greatest hair days in life. which is funny because when i first woke up i thought to myself, "LORD HELP ME! what am i ever going to do with those atrociously freaked out bangs of mine?" and then it turned into this. the perfect Beyonce hair. so awesome! 

today a nerdy guy came in to pay his tuition. and asked me what i played in college. instead of saying something hilarious/inappropriate, i said, "um, what do you mean?" and he said, "the tattoo. it's a four right? division four sports?" and i guffawed. i loved that he thought i played sports. so what if there's no such thing as division four, the point is that he believed i was a ball handler back in my college days. haaaahahahaha that's what she said hahahahahhahahahh.

we are fat tonight. JJ is out getting us pizza and chocolate covered peanuts from Target ALERT! NEW FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD: MARKET PANTRY BRAND CHOCOLATE COVERED PEANUTS! GO GET YOURSELF SOME NOW.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

close 'em.

skirt: Go International-Target, tee: J.Crew, shoes: Target, belt: BJ/gift from sister CA, bracelet: Urban

today i went to the park to read again on my lunch break. and there wasn't a soul in sight. it was lovely. and i got so wonderfully comfortable in the park all by my lonesome, that i began to act less and less ladylike without even realizing it. when i finally did realize it, it was much too late. for i looked up to see a young man blushing. you see, i was hunched over with my elbows on my knees, deep into my book. with my legs open. so he caught a glimpse of my flowered panties from the Gap. maybe he was blushing because he was embarrassed for me that i was wearing grandma panties?? no?? you think it was maybe because he was thinking "ohmyGOD girl, CLOSE YOUR LEGS! you look like such a harlot!" ??

also, if anyone has a good nude-shade nail polish, could you please share with me what kind it is! i'm having a real hairy time trying to find a good one. i either get it too pink or too brown.

what's on L's phone?!

 chanel pretending she's skinny and can fit in tiny places.

 you guys. this is totally gross. but i pulled that shit OUT OF MY NOSE. a red irish freak gorilla hair. that was like an inch and a half long. attached to a booger. but srsly WTF?! how did i not discover that thing until now?????

hello kitty themed froyo!

i blew this pic up so you could read the sign. hahahahhah Cleo is such a rule breaker!

no i'm not a leper. i got tar on my foot at the beach. and i didn't know until my foot was sticking to the inside of my ugg. so now i have tar in my ugg. and JJ yelled at me for tracking the tar into the house. so i jumped in the shower. then i got the tar all over the shower. which annoyed JJ even more. so he interrupted me and pulled my foot out of the shower and scrubbed it with a sponge and vegetable oil. then he made me clean the shower with the sponge and vegetable oil. and it was a danger zone because it was SO slippery. i slid all around and fell twice.

"you bought yourself Louis, now i want something," he said.
JJ's new bike that he rides to work.

so official.

JJ packed my lunch this morning and even wrote LGH on the brown paper bag. it was so cute. i got a sandwich, a la croix and these cherry tomatoes. they are so pretty.

we met JJ for dinner at the Quakes stadium tonight. taco salad and water with two plastic forks at his desk. how romantic!

Monday, August 22, 2011


skirt: F21, tank: Monrow via TJ Maxx ($10!!), necklace: Nord Rack, heels: white house black market

i love this new tank top. originally $78...and i found it for $10 at TJ!! the best. such a good find. i got deodorant all over it this morning though. why is deodorant so impossible to remove?? i ended up having to use soap. 

it's almost time for the fall semester at CGU to begin! and in a mad rush, everyone is trying to pay their tuition before friday to avoid paying late fees. yikes! i didn't even have time to use my lip gloss today. that's how busy i was. it was great. my day was so full and it flew by. and also this guy paid his bill of $3,840 in cash. that's real. just handed it over to me like it was monopoly money. and like, i had to be in charge of it! that's just way too much responsibility. so i very carefully handled it. then i envisioned a of a gust of wind coming up and blowing the cash out of my hands and into the depths of the mangy street. egads!!! that would be the worst. 

i have such an issue with negative envisionings. (is that a word? i feel like that's a word. the little squiggly red line underlining "envisionings" says otherwise). anyway, these envisionings haunt me. when i'm wearing particularly tall heels, i envision myself slipping and falling down the stairs and landing on my face with a broken bloody nose. when i'm with children, i envision them falling off the top of the stairs and breaking their legs. when i'm in line for roller coasters, i envision them flying off the tracks, plummeting to my sure death. these envisions make me sick to my stomach. i tend to be very much of a worry wart. or maybe just a drama queen. you decide.

how do you catch a polar bear?

this is my sister CA's favorite joke. heheheheeee:

Sunday, August 21, 2011

life's a beach

on saturday JJ, Cleo and i went to hollywood beach. it was so fun.

ohhhh what a sweet little doggie

 girlz only.



 running. hahaa she looks like a big sheep dog.

handsome hubbles

the angry sharp chip

dress: F21, sweater: Target, belt: Wet Seal, sandals: Nectar

this picture is nice, right? well allow me to show you the disgustingness of my balcony in the pre-crop shot:

yikes. someone (ahem, JJ) needs to clean that balcony. 

this morning Nel and i caught the matinee showing of "the help" OMG. it's so good. it very closely follows the book and is absolutely wonderful. we laughed and we cried. that's a sure sign of a great movie. it was a really fun morning. plus we had popcorn for breakfast. and how can your day go wrong when it starts out with popcorn for breakfast?

well, wrong my day went. JJ got some chips and salsa from the mexican restaurant for dinner. and i got really excited about the chips and salsa. so i ate them too fast. and now i have a chip stuck in my throat. it really hurts. and i keep drinking water and clearing my throat but it won't go down. it's like wedged in there and it's so annoying and itchy. and i just keep picturing that anry chip scratching at my poor pink esophagus. wahhh.

i think i will snuggle up in bed and nibble on a carrot and have JJ be my servant. woe is me.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

forgotten item

pants: Gap, top: mattie m, shoes: Paolo

cabs are here! 

jersey shore date night with Nel. 

everyone told me they loved my shirt today. really i just forgot i had it. i was digging for a pair of shoes in my closet and found it all scrunched up stuffed in a pair of converse (???) i have had to go into work early everyday this week, so i yanked the shirt out of the converse sneaker and threw it on. so SO comf. like a pajama top. i love finding forgotten items in my closet.

did i tell you that a drunken homeless man walked up to me and sister M at newport and screamed in our faces, "I WAS ATTACKED BY A DOLPHIN ON A LEASH!!!!!!!" ??? because that happened. the he grabbed Cleo by the collar and dragged her towards him. it was awkward. and a little bit mean. poor Cleo. so i said, "oh, we are meeting someone....and, we just have to go now and....bye" very sad. but mostly creepy.

tmrw JJ has the day off. he is meeting me for my lunch break and then he is planning an impromptu overnight surprise trip. OMG! how romantical. i'm so excited! 
also, did i tell you i got an ipad? yes! i did! my parents got me one for my birthday! and i'm having a blast playing with it and i can't wait to read my first digital book. and ohmygod. words with friends is so huge. it makes me pee with happiness. sdlfjadlsfal;

TGIF! (tmrw) wheeeee!
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