Monday, January 2, 2012

more about baby

bottoms: DVF, top: Target, hat: F21, sunglasses: Gucci, necklace: Christmas gift from J Bone


you guys and your comments. i love you. how nice of you all. let's hang out in real life plz!!!

did you know that i call JJ "J Bone" in real life? i do. everyone thinks it's weird. but it's really what i call him. he actually has about 48 nicknames, but J Bone is one i use frequently. also those are my favorite swimsuit bottoms. i scored them at the Rack years ago. they have bees on them. and yesterday i got a shaved ice and spilled it all over my bee bottoms like a 4-year-old and now they are stained. i hope oxy clean maxforce! can get it out. otherwise i will be sad for like, ever.

i'm still in Hawaii. this morning i have time to blog because my insane family woke up at 3:30 AM to bike ride to a volcano to see the sunrise. i was like "ah HELL no. COUNT ME OUT A MILLION TIMES OVER." was not interested in the slightest. laying in bed with a movie and possibly some room service? that's my kind of morning. we head back to the mainland tomorrow afternoon and after one more night in LA, i will be back in Seattle with JJ and Cleo on Wednesday.

ok so how about the baby, eh? did i surprise you? i surprised myself. baby was a nice little surprise we got right at the end of our stint in the Cucamongross. i'm 18 weeks. and i felt it move for the first time a couple days ago. felt like a fish flopping around in there. i've packed a couple of one piece suits, but have been wearing bikinis too. i feel like people on the beach wonder maybe that girl is pregnant or maybe that girl drinks too many beers? yesterday i had a prenatal massage and it was the best thing in the world. all cocoa butter and softness.

i'm not quite used to being rotund. and it just keeps growing! i mean, obviously. that's what it's supposed to do. we call it "it" a lot. we're not finding out if it's a boy or a girl until it comes out--we get mixed reviews. some think we are nuts, others think it's dumb. we think it's one of the only real surprises life has to offer, and really all we want is a healthy baby. so we shall wait. 

when we don't call it "it," we call it JimmyFrank the Peanut. this is because peanut is the size it was when i bought What to Expect When You're Expecting and it has sort of stuck. Jimmy and Frank are two of the boy baby names that JJ suggested. he looked at me very seriously and said, "you've never met a Frank who wasn't successful, L." ooooook. no. neither of those are going to work, sorry my dear love of a husband. so it's become sort of a joke. 

and please don't talk about childbirth with me or i might vomit. not looking forward to it in the slightest. because it's bloody and gross and i don't want to poop myself. 

during the pregnancy i will be making a a master list of the things my body is doing that weird me out. so far, i have:

1. hair on my belly. like a fur coat. that is brown. whaaaat!?!? 

2. my belly button is getting shallow. like before i could stick my finger in all the way to the first knuckle and it was virtually impossible to get lint out of there. but now it's shallow and looks like a pinwheel.

3. i've lost my ability to whistle. i'm dead serious. like i literally can't whistle anymore.

4. my boobs are leaking. and it's SO not ok. it's quite early for this to be happening, but it is happening. and it's freaky. i asked JJ if he wanted me to pour him a glass of milk. hahahahhhahaaa but srsly. Eeeeew.

5. even though the leak, my boobs are jugs now. JJ's eyes are like a cartoon character's popping out of his head.

6. my hips. they hurt. HURRRT. like they're loose and squeaky and need some WD-40.

7. ape hairs. in unfortunate places.

8. do not put a vegetable within 5 feet of me. i mean i can't even LOOK at them let alone eat them. and salad dressing might as well be poison at this point.

9. i'm awkwardly clumsy. i burned myself with my curling iron the other night. and i keep hitting my head on things. and i spilled my shaved ice all over my bee bottoms.

10. craving citrus like no other. oranges, clementines, satsumas, etc. 

11. prenatal vitamins make it so i have to cut my nails every week.  

12. i'm like a ravenous pig. i just want to eat all the time. ALL the time. the family had to make an emergency burger king stop the other day so i could shove a whopper jr. plus cheese no patty meal and 3 tubs of buffalo sauce down my throat. (that's the other thing. i craved chicken enchiladas once at the very beginning. and i've been vegetarian for years. but i figured if my body was craving chicken i should have some [organic free-range] chicken. so i ate the chicken enchiladas and they were delicious and i haven't eaten meat again since. isn't that weird?)

13. i'm a very good rule-follower i've learned. i haven't allowed myself one sip of coffee or any pop. (that's soda for you non north-westerners). no caffeine. at all. but rum is allowed. OMG KIDDING. that wasn't funny. absolutely no alcohol either. which is sort of sad because nothing is better than a mai tai in Hawaii. 

of course at the beginning i had the typical problems like wanting to puke all day long and gagging while taking prenatal vitamins and wanting to punch the guy next to me for wearing too much cologne. but it's all for the little miracle child JimmyFrank the Peanut. 

14 comments:

  1. cutest pregnant lady EVER. hair on your belly? um what!? bodies do weird things when ANOTHER HUMAN BEING is growing inside of them, i think.

    and good for you or letting it be a surprise! i don't know want to know when i'm pregnant either. but my husband is very against that idea and since i'm carrying it, birthing it, and all that jazz, i'm going to win.


    also, i've heard like 5 stories in the past few months about how vegetarians crave some random meat when they're pregnant. they eat it once and then not again. so weird! haha

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  2. sweet baby jesus on the Mai-Tais. Not being able to indulge in those types of bevies ALONE is why I believe I will never be a pregnant woman.
    Ps. I love your lil hairy bulge!!

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  3. my favorite line: "or maybe that girl drinks too many beers?" hahahhahahaahah that would be like, what, a 36-pack???? ;)

    in all seriousness though, you look totally adorable and I am thrilled for you.

    xxxx

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  4. oh. my. gosh. you are the cutest! Congratulations!!! So excited to hear more about you little jimmyfrank the peanut :) (my husband also suggested some truly horrible names for our poor child as well, but the mama always wins...)

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  5. You must read Jenny mccarthys book, belly laughs. You must. It is your humor and sarcasm, yet informative about the gross things no one wants to hear or talk about, and its a fast read. Seriously, read it. I'll even lend it to you.
    You look adorb! Good luck!

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  6. looking good lady. love that you're rocking the 2-piece. I noticed the jugs- jealous!

    BTW: you know I love your honesty but the leakage comment may be bordering on TMI ;) xoxo.

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  7. You look hot lil mama!

    Your bump looks nothing like a beer belly, an Ethiopian milk belly maybe, but definitely not a beer belly. They were probably staring to determine your age and marital status. Which is what I do whenever I see a bump on someone under the age of 35.

    xo love you!

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  8. Truth: My entire blog is bordering on TMI!!!

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  9. You are so cute pregnant! Congrats!

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  10. you should seriously be a model. you look gorgeous.
    when you are ready to talk about child birth, i want to tell you about the GOOD experience I had giving birth 3 weeks ago. (YES! good!) miss you! love reading the blog still -marsha

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  11. Oh my gosh...you are just adorable pregnant!! I found your blog a few months ago and you always have me rolling with laughter. I'm sure you'll have great stories to tell soon :)

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  12. you are so hilarious. i crack up whenever i read this blog, i was very sad when you were on hiatus, but now your back with great news and your even funnier now. congrats, how exciting!! i can't wait to keep reading this and see how you've progressed with your little belly!!

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  13. You are flippin hilarious girl! Major congrats on the bun in the oven. I'm looking forward to following along!
    -m-

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  14. Hi! My bff told me to read your blog because she thinks the 3 of us should be bffs. Which I'm just saying - we don't usually think anyone else should be our friend. But also, I just recently moved out of CA (where I grew up), got married, and will prob have a baybay in the near future so your blog is super comforting and good to know I'll have someone that is honest with me about the gross & sucky things about 1st time motherhood.<3 MS

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