Monday, April 9, 2012

the fat lady falls


leggings: Old Navy, top: Mother-in-law's closet, boots: Target, hat: F21


the trip to socal was fabulous. all warm and sunny and lovely. i even went inland to meet some friends from my old job for lunch, it was a perfect trip. i even did a little shopping: i stocked up on Gap underwear, got some sandals, bought J a couple new shirts for Easter and got the Best Pregnancy Dress Ever in the short version (!!!) thrilling purchases! 

Easter was so fun. my niece and nephews had a blast hunting for the eggs that i filled. only about half the candy actually made it into the plastic eggs. the other half somehow ended up in my mouth. 

but i cannot even talk about Easter. because i have to move onto the most embarrassing moment ever in life. it happened last night in the airport, just as we got to Seattle and started walking to the shuttle to take us to the car. i was wearing boots. with the smallest heel. not even a heel, really. well my right foot sort of fell off the side of one of my boot and i lost my footing. my normal self would have recovered tactfully and gracefully. but my pregnant self did not. i took about 8 steps forward before shouting "oohhhoweerhaaaouuffffff" and my belly just sort of pulled my weight forward, and then i landed on the ground. (on my hands and knees, JF is totally fine. moving around and being normal. probs just embarrassed by me) i stayed in that position and hung my head in shame and immediately cursed myself. DAMMIT L! WHY?! WHY?!!!! IN THE AIRPORT WHERE THERE ARE A MILLION PEOPLE TO SEE YOU. WHAT A FOOL.  

about 10 people rushed to my aid, asking me over and over "are you okay?!" and one man even picked up my purse and handed it to me. and another pulled me to my feet. where, might you ask, was my husband during all of this? I'LL TELL YOU. he was standing there, holding our suitcases and staring at me in shock. at one point he offered his hand. his one measly hand like that would help my elephant-sized self off the ground. later when we were on the shuttle i said, "WTF JJ, you should have dropped the bags and ran to my side." and he said, "i just...i just couldn't even believe it. how did you even fall anyway?!" and i said, "really? how did i fall? i don't know if you've noticed but i'm a little HEAVIER in the front lately. you should have been more worried about me!" and he said, "i wasn't worried about YOU i was worried about JF." 

honestly. 

but then we just laughed. we laughed and we laughed. because it was so effing hilarious. i mean c'mon. i ate complete and TOTAL shit in the airport. the baby and i are fine. the only thing i lost was my dignity. so we can laugh. in bed last night as we were finally falling asleep, i thought about the fall and started laughing again. i shook my head at myself and said, "ohhh L." 

6 comments:

  1. i totally fell in the airport, too, and did the horrendously awkward hands-and-knees sit for a minute to compose myself before hauling my front-heavy self off the ground! except i was by myself, which was awful, and NO ONE stopped to help me...they just stepped over me/my bags to get ahead in line. jerks.

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  2. Glad you're okay! Minus the embarrassment but that'll go away. I fell on Easter, too. Right off this landing and right into the dessert table and completely smashing an apple pie. No one saw, I took the smash piece and laughed uncontrollably for a good hour.

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  3. This post warmed my cold little heart. I actually fell while jogging UP HILL yesterday and got tangled in my headphones which caused me to faceplant. I totally embarressed myself on a busy road in my neighborhood. I told my husband we need to move ASAP because I am clearly too embarressed to live here any longer. So I feel your pain sister, glad you and the babe are ok :)

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  4. At least you have your front-heavy self to blame it on. I fall off my heels (or even non-heels) ALL the time. It's even worse now since I broke my ankle a year and half ago. I've been too afraid to wear heels for fear of falling in public and looking like a total maroon. So, instead I look short and stumpy. Lose, lose.

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  5. I'm peeing and laughing because I know the exact noise you made!! I probably would have been in shock too, like that time I fell down your stairs at Big Blue and you just stared at me and kept eating chips. Glad you're ok lil mama :)

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  6. You look so badass... Like I want to know where you hang out, hipster. :)

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