i arrived at my parents' house thursday night. i fed Gemma, ate the shit out of some peanut butter-filled pretzels from Costco with my Dad, caught up on the latest trends for 18-year-olds with my little sister MM (am i too old for a hot pink streak in my hair?) and sweat my ass off trying to get a ping-pong sized booger out of Gem's nose with a Q-tip. finally, at 11 pm, after i put the sleeping baby down in the bassinet, i myself climbed into my childhood bed. i had just shut my eyes when i smelled a Terrible Smell. a familiar Terrible Smell. a Terrible Smell that could only belong to the Evil Empress of Hatred Herself. cat. pee. CAT PEE. CHANEL'S CAT PEE. on MY side of the bed. so rude. it leaked through the quilt, the blanket, the top sheet, the fitted sheet and the fluffy mattress pad. i automatically cursed the pussy and flipped on the lights. which made Gem scream. "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE, CHANEL!" i shouted into the darkness, "YOU'VE AWOKEN THE BABY!"
so i gathered the soiled bedding and thundered angrily downstairs to the laundry room. and who should i pass on the way, you ask? Chanel. she sat still except for the guilty telltale swishing of her tail. she was blocking my path with her enormity, and glaring at me with those putrid amber eyes full of equal parts ambition and rancor.
she didn't move. she only smirked at me.
"i like Cleo better than you."
nothing. she blinked once.
"you're fat. oh, and your summer haircut. is. STUPID."
ZING! that one got her. she mewed at me and ran away.
she is SO mean. she