Dear Gemma

i cried. i cried so unexpectedly in the car the other day. and i was overwhelmed with the sudden and intensely strong wave of total and complete love i have for my baby girl.

i put a Taylor Swift CD (obviously) on in my car and sang happily along with her as little G slept in her carseat. then #8 came on. and oh, song #8 how you encompassed my whole heart with your lyrics.

Never Grow Up is the song. i've heard this song 800 times, but never has it been relative to me.
it's such a sweet little melody, and it's so real and so true. all i want is to protect Gemma's little life from anything and everything that might cause her hurt and pain. and right now, i can. i feel so confident in the knowledge that i can keep her safe. and i don't want her to see the mean, cruel world. i don't want her to have regrets. i don't want her to have a broken heart. i don't want her to grow up.

oh, but i do. i want her to grow up to be everything she wants to be. i want her to fall in love. and i want her to live the fullest, most vibrant life that she can. she has to make mistakes and learn from them. she has to encounter dishonest and cold-hearted people, and decide not to be like them. she has to have a broken heart so she knows how special real, true love is. she has to grow up. and it's my great privilege to be her mother. i get to teach her. i get to love her. i get to nurture her. raising her to be good is the most important thing i will ever do.

so, here is a letter to my baby:

Dear Gemma Julianne, i promise to be the best mom that i can be. i promise to love you forever. i promise to love your daddy forever. i promise you'll have a wonderfully fun childhood full of whimsey and cupcakes. i promise i will be funny. i promise i will be happy (most of the time). i promise i will discipline you when you've been naughty. i promise you'll travel. i promise to let you eat cocoa puffs sometimes because they are delightful. i promise to yell at you if you borrow my vintage Gucci bag without asking. i promise i'll take you to Disneyland. i promise you'll always have a dog. i promise not to let you get your bellybutton pierced like your idiot mother. i promise to teach you to love literature. i promise i'll make you go to college. i promise to buy your first peach bellini (when you're 21). i promise to love your husband (or wife. no judgement here!!) and your children (should you choose to have them). i promise oh, i promise that you will be an individual. i promise you'll be a person the world needs. i promise you will be fabulous.

Love, Mom