Thursday, November 29, 2012

what's inside my brain

1. i have the world's worst dishwasher. when you pull out the bottom rack, it immediately slides back in. so every time i unload it, i have to stand with my leg propping the bottom rack out. do you know how annoying that is!?!?!?! #firstworldproblems

2. JJ wants another dog. ANOTHER DOG. a puppy. to take with him to work. like, no! NO! buyohmygodyouguys A PUPPPPPPPYYYYY! what in this world is cuter than a puppy??

3. i was in line at Costco for a slice of pizza. i always pick the wrong lines. i waited 25 minutes for this slice of deliciousness and my sister was extremely annoyed that she had to wait for me while i waited for the slice. anyway, i made a friend in the line. an older squatty woman who wanted a chicken bake. we kept chatting about how the guy in front of us must be ordering 100 hotdogs because it was taking so long. we kept tossing witty comments back and forth and it was quite fun. then i took it too far. i really don't know why i felt comfortable enough to shout at her, "IF THAT GUY DOESN'T HURRY UP I'M GOING TO TURN INTO THE INCREDIBLE HULK AND RIP MY SHIRT OFF AND SCREAM!" she frowned at me and turned away.

4. Gemma was so hungry in Target that i just opened up a baby food packet and let her eat it while we shopped. i paid for it obviously, but really, is that an acceptable thing to do?

5. my sister owes me her life for slaving away over her wedding favors while i ignore my child.

6. Costco pretzel rolls. i cannot even...THEY ARE SO GOOD I COULD EAT A HUNDRED

7. how many presents are you supposed to get a baby for Christmas?

8. it's really hard to travel alone with a baby and a dog. even harder is trying to nurse a baby on the plane while in the middle seat, between two men. harder than that is trying not to die of embarrassment while the baby screams and everyone on the plane is plugging their ears and glaring angrily. harder still, is trying to relax one's sphincter enough to take a poop in the airport with a crying baby strapped to your chest while the dog growls at the toilet from her carrier. i am never traveling without JJ again. never. ever.

9. why are miniature marshmallows so much better than the big ones?

10. cottonheadedninnymuggins


  1. Oh lord...#3 is amazing and I cannot stop laughing. OSW probably just realized she was super lame for waiting in line for a chicken bake. Costco pizza always dominates...well not always, but you know what I mean.

  2. I do the baby food thing, twice. When a girls got to eat, she's got to eat.
    Also I am pretty sure I have way over done it on the Christmas gifts considering Grace may have the attention span to open one present. Everything is just too darn cute!

  3. Totally acceptable to eat first, pay later. Soon you'll be doing it with goldfish crackers, then donuts from the self-serve donut shelf, and if your Target has a bakery, they give free cookies to kids! That gets me out of jams with N1 alllllll the time!

  4. i do that all. the. time. in target! i feel like target is my house though mostly...its probably fine! also i do not know how you can travel alone with the girls, you are a super hero seriously! i get so flustered when R is with me even...we are getting Char 4 presents...i am saying that now but i will probably end up getting her way more.

  5. Hahah love all of this.
    agree w/ the traveling alone with a baby.

  6. i'm a horrible awful mother, but we're getting joony pajamas for christmas and maybe like 1 toy. the thing is, he plays happily for hours with the coasters off our coffee table and a plastic grapefruit tub that i filled with lentils. so why spend money on shiny blinking toys when he's happy with our garbage?? maybe i'm a grinch. or a cottonheadedninnymuggins.

  7. Hahahaha!!! You are so damn hilarious and I swear to god we are twins with the daily episodes you have. You truly make me laugh so loud when I read your blog. You da best!

  8. this is why we are hosting holidays this year...i'm terrified of flying with a baby!

  9. HAHAHAHAHA omgsh! The Costco comment!!! Oh and I open food before buying it like EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to the store with Jax. I'm not even kidding. It doesn't matter.

  10. You have the worst dishwasher?! I don't think so. Try wheeling your dishwasher over to the sink every time you want to use it!


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