Friday, March 30, 2012

still learning


tee: Gap, tutu skirt: White House Black Market, shoes: Kelsi Dagger, pearls: Nordstrom Rack


how do i not look pregnant in that second shot? i'm so stupidly pregnant that it is really a mystery to me.

this video is SO hilarious. watch it. i laughed and i laughed and i laughed. 

i learned two things about my husband last night:

1. he has never seen Anchorman. WHAT?!?!?! i cannot even... i was talking about how great it is that they're making a sequel and i said, "i know how to play the yazz flute, do you?" and he didn't get it and he surely didn't laugh. it was really annoying. he just looked at me and said, "i've never seen Anchorman, i don't think i would like it." SHUTUPPPPPPPP EVERYONE LOVES ANCHORMAN. so. 'watch Anchorman together' is on our to-do list. 

2. he has never had the chicken pox. HOW?! HOW HAS HE NEVER HAD THE CHICKEN POX?! he never got them. but everyone got them, i don't understand how he didn't. 

we've been together for 5.5 years and married for nearly 3, yet there are things as important as Ron Burgandy and the pox that i am still learning about that crazy, crazy man. 

Thursday, March 29, 2012

giggle fit


dress/belt: F21, sweater: Target, boots: BCBG


look at those nasty roots, yo. nothing reminds you of your flawed appearance like your own blog. 

we are the youngest by FAR in our birth class. which is sort of sad to me. because i don't think i'm going to find a pal. and i really wanted a pal with a baby. we are the only couple who did not find out the gender and the only couple who hasn't named the baby (anything other than JF). i am also the only person who got a case of the giggles during the video. you know when that happens? you think of something funny in a setting where it isn't appropriate to laugh, and you literally CANNOT stop laughing. you try really hard to stop and it only makes you laugh even more. well that happened to me last night and i couldn't help it. the video was explaining the stages of labor. and showing these women pushing. and all i could think about was myself pushing and a big steaming turd coming out. and so i laughed and i laughed and i laughed and i tried to stifle it by burying my head into JJ's shoulder. i know, i'm so mature. then JJ shushed me. he SHUSHED me! he was totally embarrassed of me. so i focused really hard on trying to think of something to make me stop laughing, and ended up picturing the baby actually coming out of me which turned out to be very unfunny indeed.

also we had to sign up to bring snacks one week. and the instructor was going on and on about bringing a nutritious snack like whole wheat crackers, no cookies allowed. and it was ironic because she is fat. c'mon lady. you know you like doughnuts just as much as i do, stop pretending that all you eat is kale and water.

i showed JJ the stroller i picked out and he said, "WHOA! that thing looks like scary sleepy hollow shit." just please. he wouldn't know a chic stroller if it hit him in the nuts. 

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

two people. same shirt.


The Best Pregnancy Dress Ever: Liz Lange for Target, leather vest: Nordstrom, boots: MIA


wednesday is going to be The Best Pregnancy Dress Ever day. 

our first birth class is tonight. the teacher emailed us handouts on nutrition, which is not my best subject.  i hope she doesn't ask us to keep a journal of our meals or anything because i would just have to lie and write "spinach and broccoli and brown rice" instead of "cocoa puffs and an apple." but i did see a commercial that cocoa puffs are now made with more whole grains, soooo....really i'm fine. 

i wear athletic tees to bed. i have quite a nice little collection going. mostly from college, a few even from high school, and the obvious taylor swift/brooks & dunn concert tee thrown in there. only lately, those once comfortable athletic tees are like a straight jacket for my belly. so tight. and so constricting. athletic tees don't really stretch, ya know? so i have been wearing JJ's tshirts to bed instead. his size XL man shirts. which in my head i thought was pretty cute. they smell like him and it makes me feel like a giddy schoolgirl wearing her boyfriend's letterman jacket. then the other night we were laying in bed chatting, JJ and i. when i realized that we were wearing the EXACT same t-shirt in different colors. (JJ has a favorite: the mossimo v-neck from target. he has one in every shade) and he looked so much better in it than me. which was so annoying. like, no i don't wish to look like a giant, sloppy pot-bellied pig in an XL men's t-shirt (which i accidentally spilled macaroni and cheese on) while JJ gets to go about his day wearing a clean version of the same shirt, looking all dapper and sexy! NO! life is so unfair. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

i don't know why i posted this pic. like why would my readers care to see a picture of butterfinger eggs? you totally don't. but this is my blog. and these eggs occupy my mind 98% of the time currently, so post a picture of them i must! 



sun! 



KKiss and me circa 2000/2001. she sent it to me via text. aren't we adorable?? look at those bangs. and i remember that tshirt. it was from the gap. it has pastel colored flowers on it and i thought it was so cool. especially paired with my light pink capri pants and doc marten sandals. 



i'm so glad i have these boots. i felt kind of silly when i bought them living in southern California, but now that we're in Seattle...really i wear them at least once a week. they're obviously necessary for the rain, but they've turned out to be perfect for the dog beach too.



sunbathing beauty! 



i don't know. it's a bird in flight. i felt artsy for taking it.  



my two faves.  



we took advantage of the sun. we sat in our rockers in silence like a coupla old people and read all weekend.  



CRUMBS ON MY BELLY! EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

Monday, March 26, 2012

dramatic turn of events


JJ had a four day weekend. so i didn't bother blogging while i had all the time in the world to bug him. it was glorious to have him hanging around all the time. we took Cleo to the beach, ran errands, snuggled on the couch, went to the hunger games and chinese food with friends and had the best time ever.

and then it ended abruptly and harshly this morning. first, i had a terrible night of sleep because Cleo was having one of her "episodes" where she shivers violently and is all pitiful looking. then, on his way out the door to his new job this morning, JJ said "oh. i clogged the toilet and can't find the plungerrrrrrrrrr loveyoubye" alsdjflaskdjflaksdjflkasdfj. he shut the door and i shouted out "WHYYYYYYYYYYY" and threw my hands dramatically up in the air. then i realized we DON'T have a plunger. and the rite aid didn't open until 8. but i had to poo real REAL bad. like sweaty forehead bad. i tried to hold it, but really, when you are 7 months pregnant and constantly constipated, a hankering to poo is like a little miracle. so i just HAD to go. i almost went outside like a dog. but instead chose the path of civilized human and just pooped on top of JJ's poop. it was so disgusting. then i went to rite aid in my pajamas to buy a plunger but i couldn't find them. so i had to ask the worker where they kept the plungers. so embarr. but the good news is that i happened upon a nice deal on butterfinger chocolate eggs on my way to the checkout. when i got home i let Cleo out to pee and then i plunged and i plunged and i almost puked and then the toilet was fixed.

i got dressed and made my lunch and on my way out the door to work, i went outside to call Cleo in. no response. "TREATS!" "BYE-BYE!" "LET'S GO TO THE BEACH!" "WANNA GO FOR A WALK?" no response. panic. tears. hyperventilation. frantic phone call to Mom. frantic drive all around neighborhood, to the dog beach, etc. call to work to tell them Cleo ran away and i cannot come in. big, ugly sobs. call to humane society. out back to try to call her again. nothing. full. on. panic. attack. picturing dead Cleo on side of road. picturing someone stealing Cleo because she's so cute. freak out even more. scream. cry. etc. it was all very dramatic. then, finally FINALLY, two hours later, Cleo is found. cold and wet and dirty and shivering. i squeezed her until her eyes popped out and cried into her hair. i wrapped her up tightly like a baby in a blanket and she hasn't left my side since. pooooor little puppet. and poooooor old L. and poooooor tiny JF. that was a lot of stress for all of us on this monday morning. now we are snuggled up having a day in watching mad men on the dvr and eating butterfinger eggs.

all is calm and well again.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

it's not called Forever26

jacket: Marc Jacobs, leggings: Target, shoes: BCBG, scarf: Urban


this picture was taken a few months ago by my lovely friend Sand. i look badass next to that graffiti, no?

anyway, if you live in the Seattle area and looking for a fabulous photog, she is a genius behind the lens. plus she's pretty and smart and funny and kind. check her out.

i went to Nordstrom the other day to buy myself a new bra. so so boring. sigh. as i was leaving, the Forever21 next door caught my eye. i stopped in. which was a terrible mistake. because of course nothing fits. so i just had to stare at all the tiny, fun and trendy spring/summer clothes. and i saw the cutest little crop top that i wanted. so i thought to myself, "i should get that once the baby is born." then a rush of panic came over me. i mean, c'mon. honestly, the days of crop tops are no longer. i realized that i'll be 26 with a baby this summer. no crop tops allowed. i just can't believe how time has flown by. IS THIS MY LIFE NOW?! A LIFE WITHOUT CROP TOPS?! it is. it really, really is. the store is called Forever21. not Forever26. and such is life.

anyway, i walked out empty-handed and a bit heavy-hearted. from Forever21. i don't think that has EVER happened to me before. and it was a little sad.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Best Pregnancy Dress Ever


The Best Pregnancy Dress Ever: Liz Lange for Target, sweater: JC Penney, leather jacket: Hollister, scarf: H&M, shoes: Tory Burch, sunglassess: AE


well look at that! my belly button's out. 

not much fits this body shape anymore. my nice Mom bought me some pretty maternity clothes so i don't have to keep wearing the same thing over and over. isn't that nice? and i also bought myself this dress. and i am completely obsessed with it. SERIOUSLY. i love it. it's so comfortable and stretchy and flattering. it hugs JF just right. if you are pregnant you should buy it RIGHT NOW. i'm going to wear it like every. single. day. from here on out. and the best thing about it is that it's the perfect basic! it looks good with anything and everything. sooooo since i practically live in The Best Pregnancy Dress Ever, you miiiiight be seeing it every day often until JF comes out. but don't worry, i will make sure to style it in different ways. 

ummmm. APPARENTLY i'm a bit of a slob when i eat. because my belly is now a crumb catching shelf. i have to dust it off after every meal. really i should just keep the dust buster near me at all times. just last week i had to spray stain remover on my own belly after i ate spaghetti. OMG! i'm so embarrassing. JJ can't take me out anywhere. 

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

what's on L's phone?!


hi.


 oh it's true.


iPhoners: are you obsessed with "draw something" yet?! omg. i am. OB. SESSED. it's so fun and so addicting. my friend Sand sent me this drawing of a "macbook" a couple days ago. i guessed it right...but it must be noted: the "apple" she drew looks like a little red penis. hahahahaahahahahhahaha 



as i've mentioned before, vegetables have been absolutely ABHORRENT during the entirety of my pregnancy. however, i made brussel sprouts last week like my Mimi and Mom do (sliced real thin, in the frying pan with olive oil and garlic) and mixed them with brown rice and we totally gobbled them up! and made seconds! first veggie i've put in my mouth in like 6 months. seriously. and they were delish. since then i have eaten broccoli AND corn. 



LJ and Sam bought me this vintage typewriter for my birthday last year (it really works!) and it's been sitting in my parents' office since then. now it's finally FINALLY in my house! and i love the way it looks sitting on that old blue crate.



28.5 weeks.  



 that's me at the breakfast table at JJ's parents' house in CA this last weekend. i ate cheesy potatoes and a cupcake for breakfast and everyone thought it was a hilar pregnant lady meal. but honestly, i would eat this for breakfast on a normal, non-pregnant day.


facetime with my 5-year-old niece. she called me all by herself. we chatted about the baby in my belly, the baby in her Mom's belly, school and Cleo. she also read me two stories. it was so cute. she's like a little adult!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

crash


my Black Beauty macbook crashed last night. and i hardly slept at all, tossing and turning and worrying about her. this morning i made an appointment with the genius bar at the apple store and i said to JJ, "JJ, do you think they can save my baby?" and he shouted at me, "YOUR COMPUTER IS NOT YOUR BABY, DO NOT DISRESPECT JF LIKE THAT!!!!"

but srsly. fings crossed they can save her. we shall find out at 3:30 p.m. until then, laugh at this picture with me.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

an unfortunate incident


dress: Old Navy, cardigan: Target, vest: American Eagle


it's amazing to me how a faux fur vest is truly the most versatile item in my closet. 

now, on to something much more important: i, L, can no longer see my own yoohoo. my belly has gotten so giant, that it completely blocks my normally clear, visible shot of it. i've forgotten what the damn thing even looks like. now, i originally didn't care, since it's not particularly pretty or anything, just your regular ol run-of-the-mill yoohoo, but the circumstances changed the other day in the shower...

and thus begins my tale.

during this particular shower, while i was scrubbing myself down, i noticed that there was WAY too much of a soapy lather going on in the Nether Regions. i said out loud to myself, "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, L!!!! when was the last time you landscaped?!?!?!" then i suddenly and horrifyingly realized that i couldn't remember the last time. for shame, L. i hesitated only for a moment before snatching my razor. but then i paused. how was this supposed to work really? like this was a seriously dangerous mission. but also a necessary mission. i said to myself, "self, this is a hazard. you shouldn't do it." oh, but i did. i ignored all of my instincts and i went in blindly.

SONOFABITCH.

worst. 
mistake.
ever.

i cut my yoohoo with a razor. I. CUT. MY. YOOHOO. WITH. A. RAZOR.

i screamed out in pain. and i heard Cleo scurry into the bathroom to inquire about my condition. the most terrible part was that i couldn't see how bad it was. my imagination ran wild as i pictured the worst. it was a terrifying panic-filled moment in my life that i shan't forget.

it ended up not being so bad, but i will promise one thing: there will be NO MORE RAZORS IN MY NETHER REGIONS UNTIL AFTER THE BABY IS BORN. nor will i wax because i think it's an enormous and unnecessary infliction of pain on my tender parts. so, i will let Her grow out. wild and free, as they say. just like Eve (from the Bible. not the entertainer). the doctor will be pleasantly surprised when she delivers JF into the world through the cavernous forest between my legs. but i won't even care. i will hold my head high and proud. because i will be giving birth looking just as our foremothers did--unruly and untamed.

grow on, yoohoo. grow on.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

it should be.



one of my favorite readers (who also happens to be my brother-in-law's aunt) sent JF a gift! isn't that so so so SWEET?! she is the nicest person ever. and i wanted to get a Sophie for JF! she read my mind and got the perfect unisex gift :) thanks, Lisa!



sunday brunch with JJ



fresh squeezed orange juice. nothing better! (except maybe if it had champagne in it)



SO CUTE I COULD DIE



the crib on the doorstep. it was so fun to drive up to our house and see it sitting there!



urban bears.



LOOK AT THAT THING! this was 27.5 weeks.

Monday, March 12, 2012

the crib has arrived at our crib

 

the crib came! my sister M and i put it together bc my darling hubbles is simply worthless with tools. it was only five pieces though--and so easy to build. Cleo watched us the whole time, she was so curious. i have to say that having the crib in the room is solidifying the whole deal for me. the big belly has been making it quite obvious, but now that the baby's bed is in the room...i just keep picturing a tiny little bundle in there, so it's really really real. 

saturday was the last Seattle U basketball game, so i drove over to LJ and her husband's apartment where we had the best Thai takeout in all of emerald city. i'm still dreaming about the crab and creamcheese filled wontons. omg! then the three of us went to watch the game. since LJ and CM live so close to the arena, we walked to and from the game. i knew this beforehand...and...guilty guilty GUILTY: I WORE THE DANKSOS IN PUBLIC. WITH LEGGINGS. so they were obvious and apparent. and ugly. but i knew my back would be killing me if i had to walk in any other shoes. and when JJ came to visit us during the second half, the first thing he said to me was, "oh HEY, nice danskos." rude. LJ even said to me that night, "i want to try those on...just to see..." and she's not even pregnant. why are the damn ugly things SO enticing?!?!

also LJ and CM discovered the most HILARIOUS video ever and they showed me and i could NOT stop laughing. it's a real infomercial with a spoof voice over. you can watch it here. JJ and i have been quoting it all weekend. "our rubber fingers will get deep down into your hairy cracks!"

oh and my sister M made these delicious funfetti brownies she found on pinterest when she was here and the entire pan was gone in a day. so obviously i made them again on saturday morning. sadly, the whole pan is gone again. we can't even help it. they're so stupidly delicious. we had veggie burgers and fruit for dinner last night to try and balance out the obscene ingestion of so many funfetti brownies over the weekend.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

pho


skinny cords: Hollister, tee: Gap, blouse: William Rast for Target, jacket: Liz Lange Maternity for Target, boots: Steve Madden


i scored this jacket for $12 when i first found out i was pregnant. i'm real glad i did because none of my other jackets can button or zip at this point. 

my blogging has been a bit sporadic because i have been doing some temp work this week. my friend Sabs' parents own an apartment complex and their manager quit, so they needed someone to step in an do some office work. ju$t makin dollar$. Cleo hates it though. acts like i'm leaving and never coming back ever again each and every time i leave.

my sister M is here for a conference for work. i love having house guests. i like to feed them pop tarts and peek on them when they're sleeping. does that make you want to come stay with me now? 

tonight i am taking M and JJ to Pho. neither of them have ever been. wtf? i've talked a big game about it, so they better pho-cking like it. hahahahahahaaa i'm so pho-cking hilarious.   

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

HPFs

jeans: True Religion, tee: James Perse, heels: ASOS


looks like i'm liftin my leg to let out a fart in this pic.

probs because i really was.

let's talk Hot Pregnancy Farts.

seriously. 

o
m
g

cannot even help it. where do they come from?! they are the most rancid ass farts ever. i just blame the baby. because what else can you do? JJ has gotten so fed up. he brought a candle into the bedroom so at night when we're laying in bed hanging out, he can actually breathe. 

my family and friends and a few unfortunate souls in Target have been bombed by these nasty, nose-hair burning Hot Pregnancy Farts, and actually i feel quite bad about them. now, i'm not one to normally feel this way. i've had many a laugh from planned fart assassinations, but these HPFs are SO horrific that i truly feel guilty when i accidentally attack an unexpected patron. and the thing is, just like your favorite hair product, a little goes a long way with these ones. all that's needed is the tiniest squeak of air for a room to be ruined for the next hour. it's utterly amazing how one teaspoon of the toxic gas slowly spreads it's green fumes to fill every nook and cranny. 

that being said, my most embarrassing HPF story (thus far) happened this morning:

today i had to go to court. i know, i know--such a regular smooth criminal i am. i got pulled over for expired tabs and then of COURSE i didn't have my insurance card with me. so i got an $800 ticket. which i'm obviously not paying. so i cried and whined and stamped my foot and demanded a contested hearing. i don't like going to court because it reminds me of that one time i got an MIP in college. but that's neither here nor there. i got there and sat down behind two attorneys in cheap suits and they struck up a conversation. it was silent in the courtroom so obviously i listened to their every word. one of them said today was his wife's due date for their second child and how he's very nervous because her first labor was extremely difficult and painful. then he started telling the WHOLE STORY of the difficult labor from the very beginning. which made me want to puke. incidentally, i started feeling completely nauseous. like vomm/pass out/sweaty nauseous. then the judge came in and i straightened up and channeled my inner Alicia Florrick, but i still felt so so SO bad. so i put my head between my legs. didn't help. so i had to literally lay down on the bench. in court. a good 5 minutes or so passed when i felt a rumble in my tum. ohgodno PLEASE. not HERE. NOT HERE IN COURT. but alas, it was coming. a HPF to knock out these fellow traffic violators, the judge and the burlington coat factory-clad attorneys all in one foul, foul swoop. 

i had to do it. i had to release it from the dark deep depths between my crack. and so i did. i let the smallest bit of rancid air out. and instantly i felt myself come back to life. i sat up, wiped the sweat from my brow and tried to look as professional as possible after having spent the past 5 minutes laying like a homeless person on the bench. i was embarrassed, and afraid that i wouldn't be taken seriously by the judge about my absurd traffic ticket. and then there was the HPF to deal with. i tried to trap it beneath me. twas a feeble attempt. it completely engulfed me and literally took my breath away. i then saw it creep toward the attorneys and into their noses. i was so ashamed. my only hope was that each blamed the other.

after court i got outside and into my car to drive away. and the two attorneys were there, standing by their cars chatting. i looked over at them and smiled and they both quickly bowed their heads to stare at the ground. they knew. they knew it was the pregnant lady behind them that had rudely farted in court.

*in case anyone was wondering. the HPF did not hinder my court case. i got my fine reduced to $100

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

27 weeks. JF looks surprisingly small from this angle. 



Lola666 being Lola666-ish



keeping watch



fat gray snuggles



just checkin' facebook



the new china hutch! i drool at its perfection!



washington apples



i took this for JJ. you see, he hates (hated) nothing more in life than that ottoman. but i disagreed. for years i have kept my purses in there. it has many a wine stain and even a few old spaghetti stains on it.  well, last thursday after my Mom and i went antiquing, my Mom finally convinced me to get rid of it. so we took it to goodwill and i surprised JJ with this picture. i hope whoever buys my old ottoman learns to love it like i did. out with the old, in with the new (baby items)!


there he is. that stupid, awful terrorist squirrel.
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