Monday, April 30, 2012

the last of the pre-baby things

dress: Liz Lange for Target, boots: Steve Madden

35 weeks! big mama!

this weekend was a mixture of fabulous and frightening. frightening was saturday. poor Cleobaby had 3 seizures so we had to take her to the emergency vet. she has a heart murmur and may be epileptic. it was so sad. did you know there are cardiovascular vet specialists? that's real. sigh. that puppy is such a lemon! 

fabulous was sunday! my baby shower in Selah! sister M threw me the most beautiful shower! and of course i didn't take any pictures--i'm absolutely terrible. it was so fun, and JJ and i are seriously so lucky to have most everything we need for JF. my parents got us the fancy stroller! so exciting! my dad and i struggled immensely putting it together last night, but it's quite the nice set of wheels. i even took Cleo for a stroll around the house in it. the shower was overwhelmingly perfect. it was so great to see so many people i love in one place, all there for me and JF. i loved it. thank you thank you thank you to everyone for coming! we are so blessed to have you all. 

yesterday afternoon after the shower every member of my family was dressed in matching pajamas, a fake pine tree was put up with little twinkly lights, and our traditional Christmas pull-aparts breakfast was made. we even had on a little Alabama Christmas music until we decided it was a little too weird. why was all of this done, you may ask? i wrote another story for Guideposts, this time a humor piece about how my sister M's dog Hank ruined Christmas (but not really). anyway, a photographer came to my parents house and we staged the event. everyone was quite grumpy with me that they were going in a national magazine wearing matching PJs. i reminded them that i win the unlucky award because i'm going in a national magazine 8 months pregnant with the matching PJs. 

it was a beautiful weekend (aside from Cleo's little health scare), and now all the pre-baby trips are over (we had to cancel the babymoon on account of JF's large, large self if he/she decides to come early). so now we wait. we wait for JF to come. omg. 

Friday, April 27, 2012


skirt: UO, top: J.Crew, jacket; Tulle, boots: MIA, sunglasses: Betsey

i made the terrible mistake of leaving my hair dryer in CA. JJ's mom mailed it to me but it's not here yet, so i've been rocking crack whore hair all week. i hope you can appreciate it. i love how my belly is hanging out under the lowest ruffle on this shirt hahahahahaaa so ridiculous. 

last night as we were getting into bed, i smelled a sour smell. i said to JJ "oh no, i think Cleo has another ear infection, so typical." and he said, "why do you say that?" and i said, "because it smells sort of sour, and usually that means Cleo's ears are to blame." and he threw back his head and laughed. i stared at him and waited expectantly. "WHAT?! WHAT IS SO FUNNY?!"


"i just stuck my finger in my bellybutton and itched it!!!! that's why it smells!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHH"



i hate him.

after i almost THREW UP, i got to thinking: how will i ever survive if JF is a boy and there's two disgusting males in my house that i have to deal with? 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

L's pregnancy essentials

here are my top ten pregnancy essentials, enjoy!

The Best Pregnancy Dress Ever. so flattering, so versatile, SO comfortable. 

my cup. i'm OBSESSED with this cup. it goes everywhere with me. it's well-made, unlike a lot of those cheapy ones out there where the straw breaks after a week and the lid doesn't screw on right. i love the color and i love drinking out of a straw. and i'm so much better about drinking water when i have my cup with me at all times. JJ hears, "hubblestiltskinssss can you pleeeeease fill my cuppppp up with lots of ice and wattttterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?!" like 10 times a day.  

Mama Bee Belly Butter. it is the best! i use it every time i get out of the shower and (knock on wood) no stretch marks so far! hurrah! it's mild and soft and lovely. 

heating pad! mine has completely saved my life a number of times when i thought i was literally going to die of back pain. i recommend getting one that shuts off automatically when it gets too hot, so as not to set yourself on fire if you fall asleep while using it.  

i know. SO gross. but seriously. i love these ugly damn shoes. they help immensely with back support, and are so comfortable. and my Mom pointed out that in wet Seattle weather, these slightly platformed clogs help to keep one up and above the rainy, sloppy streets. AND, it's kind of nice to just keep them by the door to slip on and off if you need to run outside. ok i need to stop. the list of "pros" is outweighing the "cons" for the Danksos, and i'm embarrassed.

TUM TUM TUM TUM TUMS! heartburn's a bitch! so i keep tums everywhere. i always have tums. they are the best. they are fast-acting and also have a nice dose of calcium. only do NOT make the mistake of getting the citrus flavor. vommmmmit. go berry or go home.

i love this book. i like the way it's written and i like the parenting style of the French. i want to be a chic French mommy! 

Old Navy maternity leggings. these are the BEST. new mommy B told me about them and they really are so ridiculously comfortable, i have been living in them. i didn't buy maternity jeans because i think they're ugly and ill-fitting unless they're designer, and i'm not about to drop $200 on a pair of full-paneled maternity jeans! leggings are just perfect. 

i struggle sitting comfortable on the couch nowadays, so i just bounce around on this ball. it's fabulous. it makes life so much easier. it's definitely coming to the hospital with us. 

it's hard not to buy real clothes when you're pregnant. really hard. like all i want to do is go and buy cute little summer dresses. but obviously i can't try anything on. so i allow myself little luxuries instead. and let me TELL YOU that diorshow blackout is the very best mascara in the world. but be forewarned: if you buy this, you'll never buy drugstore mascara again. ever. for the rest of your life. it's that good. it's so dramatically black and silky and fabulous. if you're in a fat pregnant rut, treat yourself to this treasure.


skirt: F21, tee: Liz Lange, hoodie: Alternative Earth, Converse shoes

this is a comfy outfit. only i always trip when i wear Converse. i don't know why. and the combination of a big belly, a long skirt and Converse is sort of a trifecta for disaster. JJ's mom even called me last week just to say, "i worry about you wearing the long skirts. i don't want you to fall again." this is definitely an outfit that would condone a fall. ok i'm changing. like right now. into stretchy maternity leggings (shocker!) 

people with no sense of humor drive me nuts. like c'mon, would it kill you to have a giggle? GHODDDD. our birth class instructor doesn't ever joke or laugh. it's so annoying. how can you not laugh when you're talking about pooping while giving birth? that's funny shit right there, lady. 

last night she went around the class asking everyone for an update on their pregnancy and when it was our turn i said jokingly, "well i'm harboring a beast in here! baby is measuring big and is growing in the 88th percentile." and she looked very seriously at me and said, "we want to make sure we don't use terms like 'beast' in front of our babies, because it's a negative word, and our babies pick up on negativity." OMG, seriously?! COME ONNNNN i'm not going to call the baby "Beast" to its face, calm dowwwwn! 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


the best pregnancy dress ever: Liz Lange for Target, chambray: H&M, cardigan/belt: Gap

on the plane i went to the bathroom lavatory (you never hear the word "lavatory" outside of a plane, why is that?) a few times and let me just say that lavatory lighting on planes is neither flattering nor forgiving. so by the third time i went, i just avoided looking in the mirror altogether. after the second time though, i sat back in my seat with a dramatic "harumphhhh" and JJ said "what's wrong?" and i said, "i'm just getting so fat in the jowls--it's so annoying." and instead of "your face is so skinny and you're so pretty and perfect with amazing boobs and a great brain," JJ said to me, "yeahhh, well you are getting a little chubster (CHUBSTER!) in the face, but you'll lose the baby weight fast don't worry."

i can always count on him to be honest. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

me and L-Liscious at my baby shower 

freshly Catholic. with Bishop Joe 

baby shower! 

the best traveler. 

the littles having fun with Mo and Cleo 

always under the table waiting for meat to drop. 

love for Cleo 

present from Mom sent to LA. (including a Harry Potter onesie that says "accio milk" hahahhahahh) 

california girls!

living room is officially baby-ized: thanks aunt robin :) 

out cold on the way to the airport 

ducks on the beach 

JJ mowing the lawn. he caught me taking this pic and yelled "nooooo! let me be in my element, don't take that picture and put it on your blogggg!" tee hee.

Monday, April 23, 2012

princess for the weekend

Jason Wu for Target dress, Sperry topsiders

we are back from our last trip to California before baby. i told JJ on the plane, "enjoy this silent, relaxing paradise flight. because next time we're gonna be 'The People with the Baby that Everyone Hates'" my wonderful sisters-in-law threw me a lovely baby shower on saturday and it was perfect! sister E organized the fun games, sister S hosted in her backyard and made delicious desserts and sister C offered up her expertise in the kitchen to make the yummy food. Nel even drove all the way from the Cucamongross! all the love for me and JF was touching, it was perfect!

and yesterday i became officially Catholic. JJ's great uncle Bishop Joe made it very special and now i can take communion instead of putting my hands criss-cross over my chest for a blessing. although the very first time i went home with JJ to meet his family, i went to church and took communion like an idiot even though i wasn't supposed to. so his parents thought JJ had gone and found himself a nice Catholic girl--hahahahaa i'm so dumb. anyway, his Mom threw a nice party for my confirmation/first communion and once again i was showered with love and support. i felt so special all weekend!

also, as we were walking from the airport to the shuttle last night, i made sure to pick up my feet really high so as not to eat shit again, and ended up walking around like a show pony. i avoided falling, though. 

it's a beautiful day in Shoreline, so Cleo and i are off to the beach for some plundering like the pirates we are.

Friday, April 20, 2012

a taco bell run turned sour

dress/sandals: Target, hat: TJ Maxx

yesterday JJ went golfing in the 50 degree pouring rain weather. i went to kmart to buy a curling iron and was harassed by a drugged out woman screaming "MA'AM! MA'AM!" at me and standing in front of my car, blocking me from driving away. i srsly almost ran her over. i'm never going to kmart again. next time i will drive the extra 10 miles to Target. after the traumatic experience, i treated myself to taco bell. my first taco bell since way before Lent. well deserved, i would say. i got home and sat at the table and chatted with Rah on the phone while i enjoyed my meal. all of a sudden JJ burst through the door looking like a drowned river rat with a crazed look in his eye. "ARGHGHHHHH! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WENT TO TACO BELL WITHOUT ME!" he shouted. i was like "hey dude, you went golfing, that was your treat. taco bell was mine. plus i almost died today in the kmart parking lot." he went on to tell me that he "tried" to "call" me to ask if indeed i wanted taco bell for dinner but i didn't answer. and so he didn't want to go without me. then he picked up my one last bite of chalupa and stuffed it into his mouth. i stared at him, mouth agape. #rude. he laughed maniacally then he snatched my remaining 2 triangles of cheese quesadilla and ran out of the room. so mature, JJ. 


Thursday, April 19, 2012

unnecessary obsession

skirt: Target, blouse: F21, necklace: Nordstrom Rack, sunglasses: Target

look at those dandelions. and the shovel in the background. we're such hillbillies. actually the dandelions are gone now, JJ removed them. 

i have an unnecessary obsession. i'll start at the beginning:

my sister M is a high school special education teacher, and yesterday she took her class to the humane society. she texted me this picture:

and she wrote in the caption: "went to the humane society today. this little shithead pissed on my leg. this was first thing in the morning!" i totally LOLed because it's so funny. and apparently her students thought it was the most hilarious thing in the whole world so she just had to laugh along. but then i looked closer at the picture. i looked closer at the dog. 

please. look. at. that. dog. 

he is SO cute. and i immediately became obsessed with him. so i looked him up on the humane society website and found this picture:

OHMYGOD. i died a little when i saw this one. i am so in love with him. look at HIS HAIR! and his name is Harrison. and he's 2. and he needs a home. and Cleo needs a friend. and i want him. but JJ says no. and i mean, c'mon. I'M CRAZY, right? like i'm going to have an infant. why on earth would i want to adopt a dog with behavioral issues? but there's just something about him. i just can't stop obsessing over him. i kept saying to JJ last night, "hey, look at this!" to perk his interest and then i would turn my computer screen towards him and there Harrison would be, looking all sweet and innocent. and JJ would sigh heavily and say "NO, L. we have a baby to worry about, we don't need another dog right now." butttttttttttttttttt JJ omg what if he's there too long and no one wants him andOMGwhatiftheyEUTHANIZEhimitwillbeALLyourfaultttttt! 

i want him. and i'm going to keep an eye on him. and if no one adopts him, i will. i will put a big blue bow around his neck and give him to JJ for his birthday and then he will just have to love him forever.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

canola oil's other use

best pregnancy dress ever: Liz Lange for Target, scarf: F21, jacket: Tracy Feith for Target, pearls: Nordstrom Rack

the baby dreams are startin' to get weird. REAL WEIRD. i.e. JF came skipping and dancing a jig out of the womb. and i had another where Cleo was the one who gave birth to a puppy that later turned into the baby.

i bought a dress. a post pregnancy dress that i cannot wait to wear. it's the first real thing i've bought since i got huge. i got so excited about it that i tried to put it on when i got it home yesterday, but it didn't work. it got caught at the top of my stomach, so the next 5 minutes were spent sweating, yelling out for help (no one was home but me) and finally wriggling out of it. 

we have birth class tonight. last week the instructor told us we should lie at home on our backs and have our partners use canola oil on their thumbs to stretch out our vaginal openings. JJ and i looked at each other in horror. we wanted to barf. that is never happening. i mean c'mon is she SERIOUS?! canola oil? JJ's thumbs? my vaginal opening? stretching? that sounds like a god damn nightmare. obviously i can't wait to see what wonderful tip the instructor gives us this week. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

what's on Rah's phone?!

i literally did not take ONE pic on my phone ALL WEEK. terrible. but you know who did? Rah. she snapped away all weekend, so this week is ALL what's on Rah's phone...enjoy the world from her point of view!

my smoking slippers. Rah has an obsession with them. i have total blimp foot swollen ankles. so sexy! 

me, Min, Sand and Rah in front of the Camlin 

Sand at Swink getting her blowout 

Sand with my GIANT fabulous baby essentials basket! 

my personal fave: Rah with a glass of wine on her belly and an attractive face.

me and Sand at dinner 

flowers at Nordstrom 

Sand and Min at Swink 

me and JF resting against a podium--2 seconds later a waitress ran out and expedited our wait for a table. heeeheehee.  

opening pressies! 


the last cook.  

swan towel!  

snow white 

Min lookin pretty 

Rah's drink from Saturday. it smelled heavenly.  

sunday brunch. 

coffee at Ladro 

Sand the photographer

paramount theatre 

 cheers! that's my cup of ice in the back.

girl talk board game.  

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