Thursday, May 31, 2012


Gemma Julianne Hansen
May 28, 2012
8 lbs 4 oz

cannot believe she's a girl! what a lovely surprise. we are totally smitten with little Gemcake over here, she is the sweetest baby ever in life. 

also she has had an above average amount of poopy diapers. JJ says it's because she takes after her Mom. rude! 

Saturday, May 26, 2012


today JJ went golfing and i took Cleo and my belly for a walk.

Friday, May 25, 2012


dress: Liz Lange, scarf: Jason Wu for Target, shoes: Marshall's

i think JJ is nesting now too. he scrubbed the fridge and cleaned out the pantry yesterday. and this morning i felt the urge to clean the bathroom, vacuum and mop. and we're all caught up on laundry (!!!) our house is so stupidly clean. i'm impressed with us. 

now i'm going for a walk waddle with Cleo and the bowling ball between my legs to pass the time until i get my promised breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes. 

this post is erratic. i'm scatterbrained and restless and a hungry hippo this morning. JF is making me crazy! 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

the great pillow switch

dress: Motherhood Maternity, sweater: BCBG, Hunter boots

it's pouring rain today. POURING. but we are out of la croix and cocoa puffs, so venture outside i must. 

yesterday i wrote a nice little blog about JJ. 

but not everyday does he do something wonderful. 

JJ was using a terrible pillow. i mean the most horrible pillow in. the. world. it was like one of those flat cotton ones. and it was literally from his childhood. i hated it. stained and old and gross. and c'mon, not even comfortable! so i bought him a new one. a nice feather Calvin Klein pillow that is soft and fluffy. and i took that flat piece of cardboard outside and put it deep down in the garbage so he couldn't dig it out. that night he whined and whined about missing his old flat piece of shit. i was all "oh hush, child. just sack up and enjoy your grown up man pillow." at midnight he literally shook me--his 9 months pregnant wife who has a hard time sleeping anyway--awake to yell at me how much he hated his new pillow. then he threw it on the ground dramatically and grabbed one of the pillows with the fancy, not-for-sleeping-on shams and slept on that instead. he was such a brat about it.

yesterday i washed the sheets. and put his new Calvin Klein pillow in one of the  fancy, not-for-sleeping-on shams, and put his pillowcase on the pillow that i took from the sham. but i didn't tell JJ.

and this morning when he woke up, he blissfully bragged about what a great night of sleep he had and how nice it was that he didn't have to sleep on the new pillow that he hates. 

he didn't know i had pulled the switcheroo. and i noticed that he had slept on a pillow with a fancy, not-for-sleeping-on sham...and inside the sham was the exact pillow he claims to abhor. 

so i jumped up and shouted "HA! YOU WHINEY LITTLE SHIT! I SWITCHED THE PILLOWS! I SWITCHED THEM! I PUT YOUR PILLOWCASE ON A DIFFERENT PILLOW! YOU JUST SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT ON THE CALVIN KLEIN AND YOU WERE JUST FINE!" i pulled back the sham to show him the Calvin Klein pillow and laughed maniacally. 

he tried to shout back in protest but ultimately fought back a smile. a smile that signified my victory.

sometimes it just feels so good to be right. 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

tub scrub

best pregnancy dress ever: Liz Lange, sweater: Thakoon for Target, scarf: Valentine present from Mom, bellybutton: size of Jupiter 

i have been nesting. it's time to get this little house shiny and clean for the bebe! last night the kings had a very important game (which they won. which means they will be playing in June. HOCKEY. IN. JUNE. c'mon), but i was really in the mood for the tub to be scrubbed. and i can't do it myself, with the bending over and the brain-killing chemicals in comet. but i reallllly needed it to be done. last night. like i had an obsession with it getting done. JJ promised he'd do it after the game, but then they went into overtime. and all i could think about was the dirty tub. i had a completely one-track mind, and i could hear myself being annoying about reminding JJ of his promise. then the kings won and there was the after-show and the press conference and the celebratory phone calls to his dad and his friends. and i really wanted him to enjoy it. i really did. so i went to bed biting my tongue on the tub issue and fell asleep while JJ rode his stanley cup finals high. 

this morning i was taking a shower and i noticed the sparkling white tub beneath my feet! my most favorite husband in the whole wide world had scrubbed the tub at 11:30 pm last night--just for me. isn't he the greatest?

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

my beach treasures. i have collected all of these with my own two hands! although i can no longer bend over. so it's been a while since i have foraged a pretty white beach treat. 

princess and the pea

in the car on the way to the doctor this morning! JJ was concentrating on driving. (verdict: i am still 1 cm dilated. my giant stomach is measuring 45 cm. doc stripped my membranes bulghhhh and JJ almost puked hahahaa)

my Dad put together 4 beautiful hanging baskets for me. i loveee them! 

Cleo just hangin out on my backpack outside.

 JJ bought himself a firepit with his birthday money. he is obsessed. i was too tired and lazy to go outside and sit next to it. so i enjoyed it from bed with the window open. 

we find her like this from time to time. on the bed messing up all the pillows to find the best spot. she's sooooooo cute! 

baby bag is all packed and ready to go! who snuck that bottle of pink champagne in there? teehee

Monday, May 21, 2012

drama dog

skirt: Hollister, sweater: Gap Maternity, shoes: Tory Burch

JJ, Cleo and i enjoyed a nice sunny saturday outside. JJ and his friend spent the day building a garden shed. i sat outside in a rocking chair and finished the 50 shades series (verdict: so addicting and steamy--but Ana got kind of annoyingly whiney and insecure for my taste). and when his friend left, JJ worked into the afternoon and evening all by himself, shouting at the pieces and working very hard. it is now a standing structure with a roof (!!!) very exciting. 

Cleo obviously cannot go one week without some kind of drama...and on saturday she once again saw her life flash before her eyes. she was hanging out with JJ outside while he built, and squeezed her little self in the tiny hole in the neighbor's fence. where she found herself face-to-face with a pitbull. JJ ran to the neighbor's house where the owner assured him that his pitbull would never hurt Cleo, and when JJ went out to his yard, poor little nugget was getting mauled by the nasty dog. JJ had to wrestle the pitbull to the ground so Cleo could escape. the owner was shocked and embarrassed, but c'mon man, like you have a pitbull, it's in their nature to be violent. JJ carried crying Cleo all the way home where she was babied with treats and love. honestly though, with all that drama, she could be the star of (Dog) Days of our Lives. 

JJ and i went to What to Expect When You're Expecting on Friday and it was hilar. HILAR. there were a handful of pregnant ladies in the theater, and we all smiled at each other knowingly and laughed our asses off when HPFs attacked one of the characters at a most inopportune moment. there was also a part where one of the characters talks about being afraid of getting stuck on her back, and i was like OMG I HAVE THAT FEAR! I HAVE THE FEAR THAT I WILL BE ALL ALONE IN THE HOUSE AND GET STUCK ON MY BACK! LIKE A BEETLE! AND NOT BE ABLE TO GET UP. such a scary scenario. i feel like i might need one of those life call alert necklace things from that infomercial with the old lady who falls on the ground and no one is there to save her. 

anyway, JF is still corked up in there. happy monday.

Friday, May 18, 2012


skirt: Gap, tank/headband: F21, sandals: Chinese Laundry, sunglasses: Gucci

JJ and i were noticing the other night that my belly is quite like Santa's in that line from Twas the Night Before Christmas: "and it shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly." it really does shake and wiggle and roll when i laugh. 

and speaking of jelly...i love these pink jelly sandals with bows on them. makes me feel 10 again. my Mom hated jelly sandals. she thought they were tacky. but oh how she was wrong. they were the epitome of cool. my sisters and i all wanted them--but no. no jelly sandals for the Graf girls. she never bought them for us. until that halloween i dressed up as Jasmine. and i didn't have shoes to go with my costume. so my Mom made a last-minute trip out before trick-or-treating to buy me sandals, and i gasped with elated glee as she pulled my Jasmine sandals out of her shopping bag: lavender jellies with sparkles in them--my very own pair! "OHMAHGOSHMOM!" i screamed. she said sternly, "these are for your halloween costume. after tonight they are for playing dress up only." i didn't even care. i hugged the beautiful, made-in-china plastic shoes close to my heart and smiled. 

i wore those damn things with so much pride that night. the thing about jellies is they don't provide the foot with much breathing room. so after a few blocks of trick-or-treating my feet began to perspire. and then the sandals started to rub. and then came the painful blisters. but i never once complained (a rare occurrence. my family can vouch that when i am uncomfortable, especially in the foot department, i am the queen of complaints) but it was so worth it. 

so, when i saw these grown-up jellies last summer--one pair--in MY size--at Tj Maxx, i smiled to myself and snatched them up immediately. and i bought them. and i wear them any old time i want. because i can.

Thursday, May 17, 2012


dress: Ross, cardigan: Nordstrom Rack, sandals: F21

no JF yet. the waiting game is killing me! but now i'm really wondering what the ominous chirp was all about yesterday. 

you guys. shit just got real. REAL DEPRESSING that is. yesterday...i found...sob...stretch...marks...on my belly. i thought i was in the clear since my mom never got them and i had gone the whole pregnancy up until this point without getting them. but they are here and i'm devastated. i can never wear a bikini again. i can just see my future trips to the beach: walking from my minivan in a lands end tankini with matching sarong and lime green crocs. *shudder* it's so sad. stretch marks are unfair. what is their purpose other than to upset women? and why hasn't anyone invented a way to get rid of them? scientists need to get on that shit. like, NOW. 

i had a nice dramatic, vain cry about it yesterday. but really now i feel like i didn't properly say goodbye to my pre-JF body. i should have taken pictures of myself in a bikini and said "goodbye tiny tummy that is stretch-mark and fancy free!" i'm going to miss that tummy i think. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

ominous chirp

best pregnancy dress ever: Liz Lange for Target, necklace: vintage hand-me-down from Dee, sunglasses: Target

i had an intensely vivid dream that Cleo plainly asked me to be her surrogate since i had her spayed. and technically she had no choice in the matter, so i felt bad. i agreed to carry her babies. so, along with JF, there was a litter of god damned puppies in my belly too. 


also, while i was sunning myself outside enjoying my lunch, a bird flew into our backyard and landed on the tree nearest me. then it proceeded to chirp ominously. real loud and real long. does this mean something? a storm maybe? or that JF is coming tonight? i'll let you know.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

pup nap 

i had this for lunch on mother's day. omg. that beecher's cheeeeeese was so delicious.  

she makes beds out of anything that appears to be softer than the ground. in this case it was packaging paper. hahah

obsessed with all the blooming rhodies in seattle! 

Rah got me heart-shaped breast pads! obsessed. so cute and so hilarious. 

JJ and his ice cream birthday cake 

MY VERY BEST WWF WORD YET!!! OMG! sorry Shell--heheheh

she can hardly sit on my lap anymore. and it really annoys her.

Monday, May 14, 2012

JJ's farewell to youth

dress: Liz Lange, cardigan: Zara, boots: Miz Mooz, necklace: Anthropologie

what a lovely day we had yesterday. JJ woke up at 6:30, all excited for it to be his birthday and wanted to open his presents in bed. Rah and Nebular got him a new outfit, his parents sent him a new espresso machine, my grandparents sent him money to buy himself new hockey things and my parents said he will get his presents from them when they come over for JF's birth. (!!!) Cleo got him new dress socks for work and a t-shirt that she picked out with her very own paws (stupid. that was a stupid joke) and his favorite wife got him tickets to the red hot chili peppers in november and an ice cream cake! what wonderful gifts, eh? except now he's 26. the end of youth is nigh. i still have two months of being 25, and i feel like maybe i should do one last thing that is dramatically and typically 25-year-old-ish (i.e. dance on a bar, wear a tiny bikini in mexico, etc) before i turn old. 

we went out to brunch to celebrate my first Mother's Day, even though JF is still holed up inside. a woman came up to me while i was mid-bite of quiche and said, "it looks like if we told you to push right now, the baby would come right out!" yes, yes it does. i know. then we went to the market to buy some fresh halibut and the fish man said, "can i ask you a personal question? are you past your due date?" asdljflsakdfj you guysssssss i know. i KNOW i'm asininely pregnant. 

we had an exceptional weekend, and it's so strange to think that a little baby will be hanging out with us on our weekends so soon. JF get here! 

Friday, May 11, 2012

no more stripes

dress: Marshall's, shoes: Target, flower: H&M, Cleobaby: Newspaper Ad

ooooooook. note to self: no more horizontal stripes until after JF comes. yikes. 

JJ saw Obama from his office yesterday! isn't that cool? Mr. Pres was in Seattle campaigning and JJ looked out of his 30th floor window downtown and there he was! shaking hands with and waving to the people! 

well i bought myself a vacuum for Mother's Day. isn't that so nice of me? it's a hard surfaces vacuum. i hate nothing more than sweeping, so it was the perfect gift. it's cordless and wonderful. my Mom has the same one and loves it so i copied. Mother's Day also happens to be JJ's birthday, so we are celebrating me, an almost-Mother in the morning and JJ for the rest of the day. i have a few surprises in store for him. i love making birthdays special!

ok so wednesday night was the last session of our birth class, and our instructor wanted to get a group picture. so we all huddled together awkwardly and the result is funny. we're all standing prom-style with fake smiles hahahh. please keep in mind that we all have due dates within 1-2 weeks of each other--but you can see quite obviously that JF is the biggest baby by far. THE BIGGEST. (ps just so you can put a face to the stories: Judy the instructor is pictured far right. and she's awfully snuggly with the bald guy).

Thursday, May 10, 2012

my brain

pants: BCBG, tee: Liz Lange, hat: F21

there are things we have to do. maintenance things. like change the lightbulbs and put WD-40 on the door hinges. wash the couch cushions and give the dog a haircut. 

but there was one thing on that list recently that i just couldn't do: buy a new shower curtain liner. and i needed to do it. badly. it was time. but i really just could not. something about it just made me a little bit sad. and i couldn't figure out why i was having such a struggle with it. i mean c'mon, it's gross. the old shower curtain liner smells faintly of moldy water. so disgusting right? but yesterday i was taking a shower and i realized i like the faint smell of moldy water. what?!?! then it hit me: i like that smell because it is the exact same smell of Splash Mountain at Disneyland (!!!!!!!!)

i thought it was amazing how my brain suddenly made the connection between a smell and my favorite place in the world, so i excitedly retold the story to JJ and he just stared at me and said, "you are so damn weird." 

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

not a petite child

best pregnancy dress ever: Liz Lange for Target, vest/headband: F21

yesterday i went to the doctor. where she told me that i have "at least another week!" and she's on vacation next week, so i hope i don't have JF while she's gone! she also measured my belly which is at a whopping 41 centimeters even though i'm only 36 weeks. she said, "this is NOT a petite child. return any newborn sized clothes you bought and go straight for 3 months!" holy. shit. sakdfjklsadfljkas this thing is HUGE! i blame JJ. but really though, JF could come any day now. ANY DAY NOW. which i am nervous about, but at the same time i *think* i'm ready. i am so so SO pregnant and every little thing i do is a struggle. it will be nice to be able to drive normally, shave my legs (among other parts) and put my own shoes on again.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

Cleo and i had lunch in the sun yesterday--it was fabulous.

little. tiny. baby. socks. OMG i die. 

JJ and i both got the whooping cough vaccination this week. after JJ got his: "i get a treat for having to get a shot!" so he got this meatball manwich, target popcorn AND a strawberry frappuccino.  spoiled brat.

the last of the baby things! we are 100% ready. in terms of gear, that is.  

Cleo lounging in JF's room. 

i have always hated pedicures. but it has been so long since i last touched my feet that i went and got one with my Mom. and you know what? it was real nice.  

JJ building the high chair. so sweet.

the fabulous Liberty Water Bottles that my high school friend Amanda sent for me and JF! isn't that so sweet? she works on the design team for this amazing company whose bottles are all made from 100% recycled materials. and the company is in little ol' Yakima, WA. SO COOL. thanks again Amanda!

Nellard Skellard snuggling with me. 

in the words of Shakira, those "hips don't lie." omg Chanel, really?!  

the Queen of the house sitting on her throne.
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