Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Cleo kisses

this is my favorite picture. i captured such a hilarious moment. Cleo loves kissing her sister. her sister doesn't love it quite so much.

i'm blogging with one hand, holding a fussy miss G, tossing skittles in my mouth and watching the bachelorette on the DVR. i'm so awesome at multi-tasking!

i think i may try and put some real clothes on next week! and i may even take outfit pictures (!!!) there. now i've written it. so i have to follow through. i have been going through a steady rotation of 5 pairs of sweats/pj pants and 4 nursing tank tops. GHOD i love those things. one click and your boob is ready. and easy boob access is so stupidly necessary. last weekend my mom threw a bridal shower and i decided to forgo my uniform and wear a dress instead. when Gemma got hungry, i struggled and struggled to get my dress straps down. she started doing her scream cry for milk, so finally i ran to my parents' room and ripped off the damn dress. so there i sat. on the bed. wearing nothing but spanx and a baby. it was a great look.

even better of a look was when i forgot to put a breast pad on my left side before going to the lactation consultant. rookie mistake. AND i was wearing a gray (nursing) tank top. GRAY. which is the worst color to be wearing when wet. so i walked through the office with a giant dark gray circle on my left boob--SO EMBARR. when i realized what my dumb ass did, i instinctively put my hand over the spot. which is worse? the spot itself, or the awkward hand-over-boob gesture? aye yi yi.

and srsly, my boobs are so big. like SO big. i've always had teeny tiny boobies, and now i don't know what to do with these giant tits. my boobs used to be boobs. but now they're huge. and when boobs get that huge, they are no longer boobs. they are tits.

omg. somehow this blog post turned into a blog post all about my boobs. i'm.....sorry?

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

"it's SO hilarious when i shit my pants 7 times in 2 hours." 

first family dinner out! 

the maiden voyage! 

don't you just love the themed pt cruisers?? there's one in my hometown that is Santa Claus themed and there's a sticker on it that says "i'm a fan of the ho-ho man" hahahahahah  


 sharing one chair with a baby and two dogs. that's 4 mammals on 1 chair.

little smirk

Gem and Nanny and my sister C (thanks for the adorable flamingo onesie, B!) 

summer colors! 

ohhhh she is the cutest ever

she's been extra tired from the midnight feedings too! 


Saturday, June 23, 2012

Gemstone's Birth

i am writing this to the best of my knowledge. time was such a weird vortex, so i'm recalling things as i remember them, with bits and pieces told to me by JJ and my Mom.

i woke up at 6 am with wet underwear and wet pajama pants. and i was like "JJ I'M WET DOWN THERE! DO YOU THINK MY WATER BROKE?!" he said, "maybe you peed yourself." so helpful. so i texted my Mom and asked her what she thought. she thought it was my water. but the thing is, it wasn't a lot of liquid...just a little. so we went for a walk. then i took a shower. and when i put fresh clothes on, my underwear got a little bit wet again. so i called the doctor. she said it was probably nothing, but that i should come to the hospital to be checked out, and then i would most likely be sent home.

when we got to the hospital the doctor came in and checked my cervix. only dilated 2 cm. she did a swab swipe to test the mysterious liquid and then we waited. then an hour later she came back and said indeed it was my water. only it hadn't broken. it was just leaking. a slow leak. then she told us that a leak like that could cause infection for me and the baby. so she wanted to start me on Pitocin. HOLYSHITWHAAAAAT?! we thought we were being sent home. we were going to get pizza for dinner. we left Cleo. ohmyghodddd. for reals this was it. sldkflksadlfk

the nurse put an IV in me. which was so painful and grossed me out the ENTIRE time it was in me. i had to ask them to put a guaze glove over it because i wanted to gag at the sight of the needle in my thin hand skin. then JJ and i called our families and just sat around waiting for JF to make a move. i had contractions but they were totally endurable and then i got hungry. i had eaten two cheese sandwiches for breakfast that morning (do. not. judge.) and apparently that wasn't enough because i wanted a grilled cheese sandwich and fries. the hospital is so annoying with their nutrition rules. the fries were BAKED. not fried. and they didn't even have salt on them. WTF. and don't even get me started on the effing LOW CALORIE KETCHUP. so stupid.

my family arrived that afternoon, and my contractions were definitely there, but still manageable. i decided i wanted to sleep a little. then in the middle of the night, things started to get painful. and i started having lower back pain. it was basically just an uncomfortable and miserable night. my Mom and JJ took turns patting my head and being nice. JJ slept on the couch in the room and at one point he rolled over and said in his sleep, "are you okay big mama?" really? big mama? thanks. and then at around 3 am i was given a bit of pain medicine, which made me a complete loony toon. i managed to sleep tiny bits until sisters and Dad were in and out of the room. JJ's parents flew up from CA, and my grandparents came as well. even Rah and Nebular were there. everyone came in to chat with me, but i was mostly just a moaning and groaning mammal.

about mid-morning the doctor came in and broke my water all the way. ouchhhhh. it hurt. and it gushed everywhere. like BUCKETS of fluid. the nurse said it was the most she'd ever seen in her 25 years. i was reallllllly feeling the horrid contractions and equally painful lower back pain, and they allowed me to have an epidural. omg. it was the WORST experience ever in life. the guy had to stab me 3 times. THREE. SEPARATE. TIMES. i was sobbing and keeled over and having contractions and wanting to die. i wanted to strangle that man. like really bad. he finally figured his shit out and the medicine reached me and i felt better. for an hour. then i felt everything again. i was so annoyed. everyone said the epidural would make everything easy and perfect. lies. the next few hours were excruciating. the anesthesiologist kept coming back to give me more medicine, and each time it worked for a short period of time before wearing off. i remember that JJ's Mom brought him a coffee and a cookie. and i could smell the coffee and it was awful. i wanted to puke. and the sound of the crinkling paper on that damn cookie. just please. i don't think i have ever hated anyone as much as i hated JJ when he unwrapped that MFing cookie. i wanted to hurl them both out of the window.

except for that one time, i really appreciated JJ being a good husband and staying by my side. he let me squeeze his hand really hard and he told me i was pretty even though i was absolutely not. and i had always thought i wanted just JJ in the room with me. but during labor i realized i needed my Mom. a woman who had been there, who understood the pain. and during the very worst parts when i felt that i could not do it, she reassured me that i could.

by late afternoon on memorial day i was shouting out loud that i was going to die. i was making sounds that i didn't even know i could make. i was probably scaring the piss out of the other pregnant women on the floor. i thought that i had to be close. indeed i was. 9 cm. so close. i could DO this. but OHMYGOD it hurt so bad, and the epidural was not working and i could feel everything. it was during this time that i called the baby an asshole. i'm so sorry Gemma. i didn't know what i was thinking. literally. i felt like i wasn't me. like i wasn't present in the experience. i was so exhausted. it felt like i was going crazy. and they wouldn't let me drink anything but i was sooo thirsty! just two little measly ice chips at a time. the doctor came back in and i was 9+ cm dilated, but not progressing. MOTHERF*@#. i could feel the baby down low and it was making me feel like i had to poop. but the doctor told me not to push. it was such an awful feeling. i was damn near ready to go clinically insane, when the doctor finally explained that my cervix was just not fully dilated or effaced, and that the baby was sunny-side up (which explained the back pain), so a c-section was the best and safest option.

i did not care. i never did. i just wanted a healthy baby. and right then i just wanted that healthy baby out of me. pronto. JJ put on a sexy blue hospital jumpsuit and matching hat, and the nurse detached the Pitocin from me and a new anesthesiologist (who kept calling me Maria...??) came and gave me the goods for surgery. and in we went.

they strapped my arms down and told me to take a nap while they prepared me for surgery. really? take a nap? and then we were ready. JJ was so excited, it was so cute. then they cut me. and i felt more than just pressure. it hurt. so i told them it hurt and they gave me more medicine. (am i a rhinoceros? srsly. why didn't any of the medication work on me?!) and then more painful pressure and then a baby crying! i heard it! JJ looked at me. i said "LOOK! GO LOOK! IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?!" and so he stood up and said, "it's a GIRL! L, it's a girl!" and then they cleaned her up and weighed her and measured her and laid her down next to me. and we just stared at each other. it was so lovely. that horrible 30 hours of labor was worth it. i asked JJ, "what should we name her?" we had a few names we liked, but i couldn't decide. and i didn't care. i was just so happy to have the beautiful fruits of my labor out of my belly and next to me. and he said, "she's a Gemster." it was perfect. she was perfect. our perfect little Gem.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

what's on L's phone?!


all the way from Brighton, Englad: Jenn and Tom came to visit Gemma!


little paws.

she is the cutest! 

Auntie Sam and her husband came for a visit (and brought Mama Jimmy John's) 

we know, Chanel. we know. 

all swaddled up 

 i spy a pup.

my favie little Gemsicle 


Monday, June 18, 2012

gem's father

JJ's first father's day! totally looks good on him. as does that outfit Rah bought him for his birthday. i'm so glad Gem has the best father in the world (besides my own father). she's a lucky little girl.

we went to my parents' house for a night, and it was srsly so crazy trying to get ready for it. "DID YOU GRAB THE PACIFIER?!" "NO! YOU SAID YOU GOT IT. MY HANDS ARE FULL WITH THE BREAST PUMP, YOU FOOL!" speaking of the breast pump. holy. cow. literally. COW. JJ calls me Betsey the Cow when i'm all hooked up to it. pumping is great actually--we didn't have to stop on the car ride home to nurse because i had a bottle of boobie milk ready to go for Gemsie Bear. fabulous! and she was perfect in the car. she's the best ever.

my parents invited some friends over to meet G, and everyone cooed over her cuteness. and she got to meet her great-grandma and great-grandpappy, it was fun. my sisters and parents fought with each other whose turn it was to hold the baby. and then we spent all of sunday outside on the deck enjoying the sunshine, while my dad discovered via binoculars that the "woman across the river from us sits outside and pets her chickens!" 

fact: my fat jeans fit (!!!)

well. kind of. we got home from brunch, and before i could even walk inside, the fat jeans were off. good thing my mom was around to catch a picture:

stay classy, L.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


i meant to do what's on L's phone yesterday. i really did. then i just got tired and went to bed early instead. also, i feel the need to provide full disclosure: i wear the same thing everyday. literally the same thing. i alternate between my black and pink velour juicy sweatsuits. yes, i wear the top and the bottom together. like Britney circa 2000. judge away, seriously. because that shit's embarrassing.

i never thought i wouldn't have time to blog. actually scratch that. i do have time to blog. but i'd rather stare at Gemster and laugh at her little old man faces. little dollface went to the pediatrician for a weigh-in and she's not gaining her birth weight back. so now after i nurse her, i have to pump and try and get her to drink the pumped milk out of a bottle. the whole process is quite time consuming and exhausting. and we have only been doing it for 3 days. the only good thing about it is now JJ gets a chance to feed Gemma. as you can see from the photo, he loves it. hahahahahhahhh no, he really does love it. but this was during the game in which the Kings won the Stanley Cup, so his eyes were darting from Gemma to the TV and back. it was really cute.

my sister M came to stay for a few days and (among other things), she made us dinners out the butt! we have so many dinners. so thrilling. it was lovely to have her help, and Gem and i were sad to see her go this morning.

::sappy hormonal moment:: i have realized that since little miss G came into our lives, my heart is bursting with a different kind of adoration for my husband. i cannot even stand how much i love him sometimes. like i just want to squeeze him until his eyeballs pop out and smother his face in kisses and cuddle his heart forever. yesterday afternoon i even had a bit of a cry because i missed him so much (he was just at work).

currently obsessed with:

  • Gemma Julianne loverbuns baby!!
  • aden + anais bamboo swaddling blankets. STUPIDLY SOFT!
  • trying to squeeze myself into my regular clothes.
  • Motherlove nipple cream from Rah. it's not greasy and doesn't stain your clothes!
  • sleep--whenever i can get it.
  • the rocker in G's room. it's one of her favorite places, and comfy for me to nap in.
  • the sight of JJ holding his daughter and staring at her. omg.

Friday, June 8, 2012

baby mittens

baby mittens! gahhhh! they kill me. 
today we take Gem for a weigh-in and a heel prick. sooooo sad. 

just in case you were wondering, i'm not posting any outfits until i can fit into real clothes again. right now i'm wearing one-size-fits-all hospital panties pulled up real nice and high, JJ's striped pajama pants, a nursing tank top and a bathrobe. that outfit does NOT need to be documented.

currently obsessed with:

  1. Gemma
  2. the lullaby station on pandora
  3. facebooking at 3:30 a.m.
  4. the last-minute bassinet purchase Bear made for us the day after Gemma was born. because of the surgery i can't exactly hop out of bed, so it's divine to be able to lean over and grab little Gemsicle when i need to feed her in the middle of the night.
  5. Cleo's rat self. she got a haircut and she is so ugly that she might possibly be sort of cute. 
  6. the fact that JJ works 5 minutes from home. 
  7. little girl clothes.

currently terrified of:
  1. the fact that Gemma's fingernails need to be cut. dlsakjajlsdflkjsadflkjasdf i. can't. do. it. 
  2. mirrors

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Gemma's Room

i thought you'd all might like a little tour of Gemma's room! we just finished decorating yesterday, as we were waiting to find out boy/girl before doing last-minute gender-specific touches. 

 view from the entrance to her room

that white dresser used to house mine and my sisters' dress-up clothes. and of course the magical wooden pig my Dad bought for me when i was little. my Mom and i ordered the polkadot fabric from Etsy and she sewed those fabulous curtains.  

ooooh and a little sleeping Gemstone. 

Grandma and Grandpa Hansen bought her pretty crib, and the white toy chest was an antique store find. the pictures above her crib are vintage Barbie prints from a calendar, and we just put them in frames from Target! my sister M made the fluffy tissue paper flowers in the corner for my baby shower, and i saved them because they were so pretty. and i'm glad i did, because they add a little girlish whimsey. 

Nanny and Bear bought us the coziest rocking chair in the world! i've already taken a few naps in it. the ottoman and changing table were some more antique store finds, i love them. and that there shelf?? i installed that shit MYSELF! while 8 moths pregnant. i'm so cool.

i love that little bow. it's almost like it was waiting for a little girl's room! i found it a few years ago at the best antique store ever that Rah discovered on the Washington coast. 

we thought it would be cute for little Gemcake to have a wedding picture of her parents in her room, and of course every little girl needs a little cluster of pink tea roses 

i love silver rattles. i think they're so precious. my Mom's cousin Em bought it for little G. and the silver tray was a wedding gift from JJ's grandparents. they received it on their wedding day and passed it along to us. i love how rustic chic it looks.

and that concludes the tour. we love how it turned out!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

Gemma. that's who's on my phone. alllllllll Gemstone. in fact i had to srsly narrow it down like 85% so you wouldn't get annoyed with me.

a note from my niece. so sweet--only i don't think she knew what she was asking...LOL

too nekkid for ya? whatevs. this was taken 4 days before G was born. WHOA! 


my sister has this app on her iphone that puts random captions with pictures--this was one of them hahahahahaahaaa 

with Auntie KKiss 

first peonies of the season. my heart gets so happy for them.

my first diet pepsi. omg. yummmmmmmm. 

nice gown L. just being generally annoyed with the tubes and the wires. 

that's Nanny (my Mom) holding Gems while she and cleo met for the first time. Cleo loves her. when baby wakes up crying, Cleo gives her little licks on her head. she's a good sister.


nothing better than our morning snuggle time from 5:30-7.  

Mama's lookin a litttttttle rough in this one. you can really see the bald spot in my eyebrow (i hope Gemma gets JJ's eyebrows) but this is our very first picture together. right when she came out we just stared at each other. it was so magical. so much love! 

 with Auntie Rah

a perfect little ball.

with Auntie LJ 

with my cousin B and his girlfriend. 

this is Bear. (Bear is what Gem will call my Dad. he picked it out all by himself). he said to me "L! L! take my picture, i want to make Mom jealous that i'm holding Gemma and she's not" real mature, Bear.  

with Grandma and Grandpa Hansen 

napping with my sister Auntie MM
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