Thursday, September 27, 2012

a few of our favorite things

 from L and Gemstone:

one. pink baby converse from dear sweet Al. cool baby.
two. Jewel's The Merry Goes 'Round CD. we are slightly obsessed with Sammy the Spider...
three. HANDS. FREE. PUMPING. period. JJ calls it my Betsey Bra (read: cow bra)
four. Old Navy baby jeggings, but sold out. which is why my Dad snuck them off the mannequin.
five. Lifefactory bottles. the only ones Miss Priss will even think about drinking from nowadays.
six. not for sale. Daddy and Cleo are ours to keep forever and ever.  
seven. Jellycat octopus toy from KKiss. Gem adores him!
eight. Honest diapers. chemical-free, plant based, biodegradable AND affordable.
nine. Hanna Anderson hat from Nannie. perfect for our morning walks in chilly Seattle.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012



sister MM hid in the trunk and scared the shit out of my Dad. 

the grandmother shirt

last night... 

i drank a glass of two buck chuck, made the better part of my way through a tub of cookies and watched The Voice while pumping a bottle so JJ could feed the baby. i mean omg NICE multi-tasking skills, self. 

this morning...

The Gemster and i walked to Starbucks for our first pumpkin spice latte of the season (i didn't take a picture and instagram it like everyone else, but i was pretty god damn thrilled about it). 

and while we were there, a 75-year-old woman wearing hot pink lipstick and a Charter Club sweatsuit came up to me and said, "oh my gosh your baby is so sweet! she looks just like you!" which was obviously the best thing i've ever heard, and i was so excited about that comment and i didn't even flinch when she put her arm around me and leaned her head on my shoulder, until she shouted "HEY! HEY! I HAVE THAT SAME SHIRT YOU'RE WEARING! I GOT IT ON SALE AT OLD NAVY LAST WEEKEND!" and i was like OMG LADYYYYYYY you CANNOT be serious. howwwwwwwwwwww is it that me, a young spring chicken at the mere age of 26 has the same shirt as a grandmotherly old woman dressed head-to-toe in turquoise? i just. i cannot. i cannot even deal. 

have i lost it? have i lost my young, cool vibe? i mean i MUST be if i'm walking around town wearing the same shirt as a grandmother. all i ever wanted was a cute, soft, loose shirt made of jersey to hide my belly that had easy nursing access. and i found two of them. the most perfect shirts you guys! the one i'm wearing today and the same one in pink/red. i thought i had really hit the jackpot...


just please.

 the shirt. 
and snuggles with my favorite girl.

Cleo's spot under the stroller.

chillin with Cowbaby

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


what's on L's phone?!

beach day with the girls (Cleo was off frolicking on a log inundated with seagull shit) 

convo with Sam. #pajamasalldayeveryday 

Lola666. i've been thinking of removing the "666" because i actually quite like her now. 

me, sister CA and sister M. we went out to dinner on friday night. sister MM was also in town, but her social life was much too full of cool things to hang out with old boring sisters.

sister MM and Gempop 

hands down the best card i've ever purchased. i threw my head back and laughed for a good 10 seconds in rite-aid. 

Gemma loves all the animals (Nannie made her that blanket when she was JF) 

sleeping purple baby 

how does this store stay in business??  

the butt of JJ's underwear. he has very powerful farts? 

i found a heart in a piece of driftwood 

sister M's husband Uncle Chase finally holds Gemma for the first time. he previously stated, "she is too fragile, and if i drop her, i will be responsible for ruining her life." now they are BFFs.

snuggly afternoon with Gemsicle and Olivia.  


OMG I LOVE THE MONGOLIAN GRILL. i however, do NOT love pooping in the mongolian grill. 

Washington apples are the best apples. 

sister CA and the baby. omg her face. hahahahahhaa 

Cleopatra and Lola...666. can't help it. Lola666.

i was having a conversation about school hot lunches with my in-laws and i was like "OMG CHEESE ZOMBIE DAY WAS THE BESTTTTT!" and they were all "WTF IS A CHEESE ZOMBIE??" and i  was like "ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ONLY THE BEST EVER HOT LUNCH INVENTED!!!" and they really truly did not know what a cheese zombie was. then i came across this article. #goyakima 

Monday, September 24, 2012

dad thing

just hangin out with the girls!
me: dress: H&M, heels: Steve Madden via Ross, sunglasses: Juicy Couture
baby: sunsuit: Janie & Jack
dog: collar: TJ Maxx

i spent the weekend with my sisters and my Dad (my Mom had a girls weekend with her bffs from college) and we had a blast. shopping, movies, out for every meal, and topped off with a family BBQ. loved it. i remember one time when my Mom was out of town, Dad made us macaroni and cheese for dinner and forgot to put milk in it. it was quite chalky and chunky. when Dad was in charge, my sisters and i always showed up to school with mis-matched outfits and topsy-tails. that was the only hairstyle he knew how to do. hahahah. but really though, is mis-matching a "Dad Thing" ?? JJ dressed the baby this morning and she is wearing conflicting navy blue stripes on navy blue stripes, leggings that are too short and has her shirt on backwards. he presented her to me this morning all proud that he completed dressing her on his own (usually i hear disgruntled huffing and puffing while he tries to snap all the snaps with their coordinating snaps on her one piece outfits and eventually he walks in the room with her outfit all janky and lopsided and i have to unsnap all the snaps and start over. did i say "snap" enough times in that sentence?), and i was just like whatevs. i mean, she's dressed, right?

we found Gemma some jeggings this weekend. my Dad had to take apart the child mannequin at Old Navy to snag the very last pair in the store, but we got them. hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. and omggg her little skinny long string bean legs look so adorable in them.

truth: it's impossible to eat a rice cake quietly while Gemsicle and Cleo are sleeping right next to me. welllllll, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! i think i'll have a morning nap myself.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

a thing that is the truth

dress: Jason Wu for Target, heels: Nine West, glasses: UO

this is such a cute work dress (thanks Mimi for buying it for me!) and as i was taking picture in it i said to myself, "self! go get your fake glasses! they would enhance the bookish-ness of this dress." only i don't need to get all dressed up to go to work anymore. Gemcake doesn't judge me for wearing PJs all the time some days. in fact, a thing that is the truth: i'm really kind of over doing outfit pictures. i feel shackled by them. i'm just a girlmom who shops (and finds stupid good deals) at TJ Maxx and gets dressed sometimes, but who mostly just wants to tell stories. but actually i'm not just a girlmom. i'm also a writer, a mayonnaise connoisseur, a wife, a lover of laughs, etc. wait, am i having an identity crisis? maybe. 

and on that note, i will tell you about an unlucky 8 hours in the Hansen Home. it started at midnight when Cleo woke me up to be let outside. where she tried and tried and tried to poo, yet her efforts were fruitless. when she came back inside she had a little bit of a mess on her bum so i washed and dried. then we went back to bed. at 3:45 a.m. Gemma woke up to eat. i fed her and put her back to bed. i gave her a kiss and then i stepped in something wet. SOMETHING WET THAT YOU STEP IN AT 3:45 AM IS NEVER A GOOD THING. i hobbled to turn on the light. and my suspicions were confirmed: i had stepped in dog diarrhea. Cleo had shat on Gemma's rug before we all went to bed. i shouted out in frustration and anger, washed my foot and scrubbed the carpet. which only intensified the smell. so i made JJ wake up and help me take the rug outside to air out. then we went back to bed.

you think that's the end of the bad luck, don't you? you thought that stepping in dog diarrhea in the wee morning hours was a fair end to the unlucky? wrong. JJ slept through his alarm and had to cut his planned long run short. and also he put egg whites in his coffee instead of half n half (actually that shit is just plain hil-ar-ious). then i woke up at 8:21 and realized that Gemma's doctor's appointment was 21 minutes ago, and my alarm had gone off to remind me, only the sound was turned off on my phone. so we missed the appointment entirely. THEN JJ realized he forgot to do his football picks. and i hadn't gotten my coffee yet. he had time for only one. which do you think he chose? 

the wrong one. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

mr. darcy, i swoon.


dress: TJ Maxx, boots: Frye, scarf: gifted

this dress is made of jersey and is so comfortable. i like to wear it on the plane when we fly to LA. and my booooooooots! Mom and Dad got them for me for my birthday and i'm spectacularly excitable about them. i can't wait to wear them like, everyday this fall/winter. and HOW ABOUT THIS SCARF?! let me tell you about it. my littlest sister MM got it for me for my birthday. it might be my favorite gift ever received. and wouldn't you know it, Jane Austen's famous tête-à-têtes are printed RIGHT ON IT! "she is tolerable, but not handsome enough to temp me." i love me a Mr. Darcy quote, and now i can wear these beautiful words around my neck. 

during the night my breast pad shifted and i woke up with the first place award at a wet t-shirt contest. that's the worst. i sat up in bed all harried and confused like WHAT? WHERE? WHY AM I WET?! then i have to rustle around the room half-asleep to find another nursing tank. I CANNOT WEAR ANYTHING TO BED BUT A NURSING TANK (i want to French kiss the person who invented them). it's the lazy American in me. i can't deal with all the sleeves and straps and general bullshit of a regular shirt at the devil's hour when Gemmie is screaming at me for milk. 

yesterday we were out shopping for birthday presents for people we love and i found a copy of an old favorite book from my childhood HARRY THE DIRTY DOG. he is just the cutest. so obviously i had to buy it for the baby. and JJ read it to us before bed last night and it was just so cute. 

also, Gemma cries every time we go to Trader Joe's. why? WHY WOULD YOU EVER CRY WHEN THERE ARE CHOCOLATE-COVERED, PEANUT BUTTER-FILLED PRETZELS IN OUR CART?! i need to teach her a thing or two about the good things in this life. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

she's so serious! those sweet cheeks. 

"TAKE ME TOO MOM!" says Cleo 

looks like a self-portrait. ahahahaha  

as my friend AZ (who bought Gem a bikini with cherries on it for next summer) said, "only a baby can wear cherries and not look like trash." 

Cleo snuggling with Bear 

never was there a truer diagram.

Cleo on her perch 

Nannie and Gemmie at the football game. (LOL at the shadow of my bunny phone case. you. guys. i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooo (oooooooooooo) sad. here's why: i LOST the tail to my bunny phone case. i'm 100% depressed. and can't find where to buy a replacement tail). 

Go Huskies! i'm sorry to my Coug readers. really i could care less about Huskies vs Cougars. i wish Gonzaga had a football team. (fun fact: my parents met and fell in love at UW. awww) 

not thrilled about our early morning walk. isn't that the cutest little elfin hat you ever did see? my childhood friend and neighbor Kate gave it to Gemma. her sister makes them! you can buy your own here. (she is on vacations, but will be back!)

obsessed with these adorable buns. also, i'm on the hunt for a pair of baby skinny jeans with ruffles on the bum. i feel like they should exist, but i can't find them anywhereeeeeeeeee. 

this is so sad. this is the dead bastard. i feel so bad that i bad-mouthed him for so long. because he met his end this last weekend. and it looked as though he died of natural causes because there was no blood or mutilation. only yesterday i found the bastard's wife dead as a doornail in my driveway. but she had a black tarry substance coming out of her mouth. you guys. i think someone's poisoning the squirrels. and it's pissing me right off. as much as i hated the bastard and his wife for their terrorizing antics, i would never wish harm upon them. poor little things. SAVE THE SQUIRRELS MOVEMENT, anyone?? (note: after much deliberation, i decided not to touch their tails. even though it is a deep desire of mine to feel their fluffy behinds. wait, is that weird?)

 a typical morning at my house.

Monday, September 17, 2012

it's a little early.

dress: Ross, bootsL Miz Mooz

hell to the yes, this dress was $8 at Ross. not 100% sure it's actually a dress, but whatevs. i like it.

i'm being featured on the fabulous blog That Mama Gretchen today. check it out, dudes.

we had a great weekend with Nannie, Bear and Lola666. out to dinner on friday, a nice early morning walk, delicious sandwiches and Gemma's first football game saturday, followed by pizza and Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (i'm obsessed with the Sherlock Holmes movies, aren't you?). on Sunday morning my parents left (boohoo), and my cousin came over to see G and take a nap on our couch. after she left, we took a nice little family walk to get coffee creamer and rent another movie. it's an exciting life we lead, i know. 

there are already Christmas things up at Costco. they have been up for a while now. i know it pisses a lot of people off. but frankly, i like seeing Santa in July. seeing a plastic version of his jolly fat self sends a little thrill through my brain. i'm fully aware it's a little early, but i have officially started my Christmas shopping today. i'm a total loony, i know. but i like to be organized and budgeted. and on Christmas Eve, when all you fools are rushing around trying to find a nose hair trimmer for your dad, i'll be relaxing at home with a hot buttered rum and a smug grin.

have a nice monday you guys. and don't forget to floss. i always forget to floss.

Friday, September 14, 2012

i brag

dress: Jean Paul Gaultier for Target, shoes: Old Navy, necklaces: Nordstrom/Target/Wet Seal, sunglasses: American Eagle

my dance teachers would be proud of my turnout in that second photo.

this dress i love. it's a littttttle low in the front, but i adore the open back and the fluffy skirt. it did not get very good online reviews on, but i am 100% obsessed. and all the negative reviews meant that i snagged it for $12 on the clearance rack. yeaaaaah!

BRAGWORTHY: GEMMA IS STILL SLEEPING. this is in part because last night my cousin and his girlfriend came over for dinner and she literally screamed the. entire. time. we have never seen her do that before. even my boob couldn't calm that shit down. she just wanted to wail. pooooor BC and Al just wanted some baby snuggle time, but got tears instead. Al works at Nordstrom corporate and she brought little baby the CUTEST shoes and leg warmers ever! little Stuart Weitzmans, Converse and omgidieeeee at the pink sparkle Toms! and that's how Gemstone thanks her: by screaming. 

truth: a few weeks before our wedding i said to JJ, "you have a great last name! i'm happy to add it to my own." and he said, "really? you think so? because i hated it in middle school when Hanson and mmmbop were popular." like he was still genuinely concerned that he shared a last name with a heartthrob teen sensation band of the 90s. 

my Mom and Dad and Lola666 are coming this weekend! yes! TGIF! Topanga and Cory! (every time someone says "TGIF" i think of Topanga and Cory. you too?) 

alas, Gemma can't sleep forever. she is stirring. i can't wait to love up on her cute little self this morning. she is the most adorable little baby in the WORRRRRRRRRRLD, as evidenced below:

Thursday, September 13, 2012

what's inside my brain right now

oh these two! melt my heart. 

baby is just a little blur in this pic--she's always squirmin'

we loved that JJ had the day off yesterday!

1. Gemma had her first cold and it was so sad. JJ said, "it's kind of cute because it's her very first one!" and it actually was cute when she would snore a tiny bit because of her plugged nose. thank GOD (well actually, thanks to my Mom) for the humidifier and boogie wipes.

2. Cleo spent the last few days pacing constantly. day and night. we thought something was wrong with her (surprise, surprise). after googling, i found that she was anxious because i had left my suitcases out from our last couple trips. and when she sees my suitcases, she thinks i'm leaving her. i put the suitcases away and she calmed down immediately. crazy!

3. i found Gemma in her crib this morning laying horizontal, her arms still swaddled and her legs hanging through the bars of her crib. wtf? we removed her bumper after this came out, but now i'm thinking we should put it back up...?

4. my new favorite magic skin combination? this + this 

5. JJ ate an entire jar of my Mom's homemade raspberry jam in 2 days. 

6. why does my linen closet smell weird when all that is in there are clean linens?! 

8. i HATE the day before grocery shopping day. nothing to eat in the house aside from freezer-burned meatballs and stale tortilla chips.

9. we introduced Gemma to her jumperoo. i built it in her room. then went to move it to the family room, but it wouldn't fit through the doorway &#%@ so i had to take it apart and take it to the other room and put it back together again. she is very unsure about it. i sent a video of G in it to my Mom and she said, "holy shit that's a lot of bells and whistles! reminds me a Vegas casino." hahahahahhaaaa.  

10. i found this book at Marshall's for $4.99 and knew that JJ had been wanting it. so i got it for him and we learned last night that Sriracha has HEALING POWERS. omg cool. 
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