Tuesday, October 30, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

my parents are in DC (my crazy Mom ran another marathon there) WHAT A GREAT WEEK FOR A VACATION ON THE EAST COAST, EH? sheesh. anyway, they sent me this pic and i am obsessed.

mean muggin'. thanks auntie M for the halloween hat!  

Gem has really started noticing Cleo. most specifically her tail. Cleo isn't thrilled about it. also, DON'T WORRY, JJ shaved his mustache.  

hahahhaa my Mom found this in their house. a list of all my suitors. kljfdlkadfs best part is the heart with the 'z. classic. 

ohhhh this little pouty face. it kills us! 

Cleo the Caretaker. BTW THAT IS NOT MY HAIRY LEG IT'S JJ's. 

don't you hate when a blogger does the humble brag? well i'm going to not very humbly brag brag brag until the sun goes down and not even care. because that is my high school dance team skirt and shell. GO VIKINGS! it took a lot of sweating and grunting and struggling, and i practically need to spray myself with Pam to get it off...but i managed to stuff myself into it. the iPhone and the baby prove that this picture was not in fact taken in high school. ok brag time over. sorry i'm not sorry.

she snatched that apple right out of my hands!  

 LJ took this pic. hahahaha look at her little tongue. and look at JJ's face. 

my sister-in-law received this seahorse for her baby girl (who is due tomorrow!) at her shower, and i thought it was brilliant. a little glow toy that plays watery sounds and soothing bedtime music for 5 minutes. just what Gemsie Bear needs to get her to calm down and fall asleep at night. she is obsessed with the thing. we only bring it out during bedtime so she associates it with sleep, at it totally works! JJ and i may love the damn thing more than she does.

i loveeeeeeeeee her.

Monday, October 29, 2012

what's inside my brain

dress: Zac Posen for Target, infinity scarf: F21, heels: Steve Madden

are you wondering what i'm looking at in this pic??

i was looking at him, all perched on that post, pretending that his body is small enough for his whole self to fit. squirrels are just clogging up my life, with their bullshit antics. i'm tired of it.

1. MOTHERHOOD.COM: I AM NOT PREGNANT 100% OF THE TIME. whyyyyy do they still send me deals on maternity clothes?!

2. Seattleites: nothing in life is more stressful than heading to the freeway and being stopped at a light going uphill on James St. AM I RIGHT?! when it turns green you're all "OHMYGODDDDDD PLEASE CAR GO FROM BRAKE TO DRIVE SMOOTHLY SO I DON'T ROLL BACKWARDS AND HIT THE CAR BEHIND MEEEEEEEEEE" and then you end up peeling out because you went from brake to drive too fast. i cannot even imagine the angst that comes with having to drive a stick up this hill. i get sweaty and nervous and i just can't deal.

3. i watched Arthur last week. and i literally can't get through my favorite scene without laughing my ass off, rewinding it and watching it again. 


4. Gemmie loves herself some Baby Signing Time.

5. i hate all things football, but i will tolerate the NFL song with the ringing bells that sound like Christmas music.

6. well Taylor, you've done it again. the album is just delicious.

7. i want a pearly pink Mary Kay car without actually having to do all the hard work selling that much makeup. is that so much to ask? probably.

8. you guys. i am the worst. i was giving Cleo a haircut and i sliced her ear with the scissors. i feel like a real jerk. after googling, i learned that i need to place a comb between her skin and the matted areas that need to be cut, so that i don't do this again. wahhhhh i'm sorry Cleobabyyyyy!

9. JJ lost my keys this weekend. i said, "did you check all the pockets of the coat and pants you were wearing when you drove my car??" he said "OBVIOUSLY L, GHODDDD." we searched literally everywhere. even the garbage. twice. which was so disgusting. Gemma's poopy diapers mixed with coffee grounds and a rotten banana are not the makings of a pleasant potpourri. after searching for 3 hours (taking breaks to eat candy corn obvs), JJ walked up to me holding my keys. "i found them in the jacket pocket i was wearing when i drove your car." aksdjfklajsdfkladjs

10. IT'S UGG SEASON, BITCHES. my feet rejoice.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

pumpkin patching

ohmahgodddddd it's been a week since i blogged! don't worry, i didn't die. JJ worked overtime all week, so i was just visiting my parents again. and i have every intention of blogging when i'm there, only i get distracted. we got back this afternoon, and JJ went all Mary Poppins and cleaned the house better than i ever do and it's practically sparkling. no, actually it is sparkling, on account of the glitter. which leads me to my tale...

we took the little one to the pumpkin patch (i know, you're absolutely riveted. but c'mon, it's a rite of passage for all American babies, so i have to write about it). we went for about 10 minutes on sunday between rain showers.

on the way there we stopped for some coffee (we are so Seattle in the pictures, holding our two favorite things: Starbucks and our child). and after 4 sips, obviously i had to poop. so i was like ohmygoddddd JJ STOP THE CAR iamgoingtopoopmypants. and so he stopped at another starbucks just up the road from the first one. and wouldn't you JUST KNOW IT, NO BATHROOMS. the only GD Starbucks in the country with no bathrooms. kadjklajsdlf so i grumbled and nervously jiggled my leg in discomfort for the remainder of the trip, the promise of a Honeybucket sounding actually not even that bad.

we drove up to the patch and i saw a sign for the Cornmaze. AHHHHHJKDFJHDSFKJH JJ THE CORNMAZE WE HAVE TO DO THE CORNMAZEEEEEEEEE! JUST LIKE IN HIGH SCHOOOOOL! and JJ got all serious and stony-faced and said, "L, no. no we will not go in the cornmaze. when i was 7, i got lost in one." what a Debbie Downer.

so when we pulled in i was like "OH EM GEE I GOTTA GO REAL BAD, JUST DROP ME OFF." so i jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest Honeybucket. and just in case you were wondering: the lock was broken, the roll of toilet paper was on the ground all muddy and wet, and the shitter was so disgustingly full that i could actually see that the person who went before me had a corn on the cob for lunch. i almost vommed for real. but i had to go. so i held my breath and i went. and then i ran to the car and doused my entire self in anti-bacterial hand gel.

then we walked into the entrance of the pumpkin patch and it was basically just one giant sinking mudhole because of the rain. i shouted "ARGHH WHY DIDN'T WE JUST GO TO SAFEWAYYYYYY FOR PUMPKINS?!" and we really did consider leaving and going to Safeway. but no, we sucked it up. for the baby. and so we took a few obligatory pics:

and then we GTFOOT. (note: that little bear suit is the very first thing i bought for Baby JF ((who actually turned out to be Gemma)) and it was so cute to actually put her in it). (second note: don't even talk to me about JJ's mustache).

on the way home i declared, "i am going to do Martha Stewart pumpkins, so we need to stop at Target to get some glue." and JJ was thrilled because that got him out of carving pumpkins and he really hates carving pumpkins. only he missed the freeway exit for Target. and after we argued over whose fault it was that the exit was missed (JJ's), he said, "oh c'mon L, do we really need glue?!" and i said "YES, YES WE DO I SIMPLY CANNOT DO THE PROJECT WITHOUT GLUE." so we got off the freeway and turned around to head back to Target. and i took this hilar picture of Cleopatra's bad hair day:

and when we got to Target, JJ said, "we are only here for the glue, L." and i said, "wellllllll...except that while we are here, we need laundry detergent ohandiwantsomemorelimecornchips (you guys. seriously. the Archer Farms salt and lime corn chips. you'll die) and also Gemma needs shampoo." and to that, JJ snarled. so we got what we needed wanted and headed home.

and after we put Gemstone to bed, i rummaged around the craft box and dug up the Martha Stewart sugar sparkle glitter (and also i found a brand new package of glue hahahahaha) and then i made THESE:

GLAMOUR PUMPKINS! and i am obsessed. they were so easy! and obviously Gemma appreciates them and loves them so much. but i got sugar sparkle glitter all over the place, just like when i made my wedding gift boxes. JJ cleaned the house last night, but the house is still sparkling. it's fabulous.

the end. happy halloween!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

football and a pot roast

coat: Betsey Johnson, dress: Zac Posen for Target, heels: Nine West

hahahah shut up L in the second pic. i'm so dumb. i wore this dress on mine and JJ's one-year anniversary. and i love this coat. my Mom got it for me.

i unknowingly bought a Kardashian nail polish yesterday. but i'm not even mad about it.

JJ is off running 20 miles this morning, soooooo obviously i'm chillin' in bed with Gemma and Cleo and a bag of chocolate covered peanuts.

and as if  running that far and long wasn't enough, JJ the Overachiever is making a pot roast (vommm) for a mini "dinner party" that he put together. LJ and her husband are coming over for the Seahawks game. football and a pot roast. my dream come true!

omg Cee Lo this morning on the Today show in his maroon leisure suit. dude gets it: comfort is key. 

you guys. I HAVE A FRIEND. a real, true, live mom friend. she is cute and young and funny and lovely and we spent almost 3 hours hanging out at Greenlake yesterday afternoon and it was fabulous. we walked, we watched the ducks, we ate some gravel, we nursed on a bench, we watched Cleo take a dump, we talked talked talked, we saw an unlawful fellow smoking pot, we changed a diaper, we had a blast. so so SO good to have a mom friend finally!

okay, gotta go. time to clean the house in 5-minute spurts and read Where Is the Green Sheep 800,000 times.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


dress: Target, heels: Steve Madden


1. this dress was a gift from KKiss. she put together the cutest little "new mom" gift bag for me when i was in the hosptal...homemade cookies, chapstick, soft tee shirts, mints and this pretty dress! something to look forward to fitting into after baby. so sweet.

2. 54,638 of my hairs have fallen out in the last month. i'm balding. i'll be a geriatric man in no time.

3. i took Cleo to the vet (OMG CLEO AT THE VET? AREN'T YOU SURPRISED?!) on monday because she was obsessively licking an inflamed, red bump on her paw. turns out it was a piece of cheeatgrass that was stuck in between her toes. a $170 piece of cheatgrass. lfjslakdfjjlkad she was drugged, had a mini surgery and the vet removed the cheatgrass. then she got home, threw up and curled up in my lap. she spent the next three hours drooling on my legs in her narcotic-induced daze. best afternoon i've had in years.

4. i asked JJ if he sings and dances while he runs. he said, "no, but i high five stop signs."

5. my dad bought Gemma these boots because they have the word "bear" in the brand name. hahahaha but seriously. what is cuter than baby leggings tucked into fluffy baby boots? NOTHING

6. a post office worker almost made me cry. i bought a book of stamps, put the stamps on my letters and handed my letters to him. he was extremely annoyed that i wanted him, the post office worker, to take my posted mail. he sighed heavily, stared at me and said, "ooooookay. i guess i'll take these." and i was like "oh, was i supposed to put them somewhere else?" and he said, "i'm going to put them in the same mailbox out there that everyone else is using." OMG WHAT AN ASS. he embarrassed me. but really though, isn't it his job to take my letters? why can't i ever just meet a nice fat, jolly postman like in the movies? 

7. Gone Girl is such a smartly written book. but ohmygod. it's so creepy.

8. i learned about the four temperaments. interesting stuff! and i'm definitely sanguine with a little choleric in case you were wondering.

9. my baby won't sleep during the day. SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

10. JJ went to Spokane on saturday to run a half marathon on sunday and he brought me back a SF sourdough sandwichhhh my faveeeeee! he came in the door and presented it to me and i ran over to him and jumped into his arms and shouted, "MY HEROOO!"and JJ puffed out his chest and looked very proud. ...but something was missing. i'll tell you what was missing: HALF OF MY SANDWICH. he had eaten his own sandwich and during through the trip home, he got hungry and ate half of mine. i mean, is that just so typical?! c'monnnnnn.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

pardon the mess. really that's just embarrassing. sigh. well, the Bottle Battle continues. she hates them. we thought we had found one she liked but nooooo. she was over it in about 2 days. so i researched. and researched. because she really needs to learn how to take a bottle! and i found the Comotomo. IT'S A MIRACLE BOTTLE YOU GUYS! it literally looks and feels like a boob. all big and soft and squishy. it's the bottle for breastfed babies who refuse bottles. and Gemsicle actually likes it. SHE DOES! she really does. so exciting! (my old self would have considered a concert to be exciting. now it's bottles. WHO AM I?!)

just a normal text conversation with JJ.  

she was prancing in her sleep. omg it was so cute! 

 trees in Seattle get sweaters in the fall!

squirrel underwear. i almost bought a pair for the Bastard Terrorist Squirrel for Christmas. then i remembered he is dead.

Edward Cullen weather.

hilarious bib from my friend Min. 

Cleo and Gem both wanted snuggles from Mom. 

 LJ and i went to get Pho and popped into the Asian market next door. they had hello pandas, which are my sister MM's favorite treat. so i bought some and took all these pics to patronize her. hahahahhaa so mature.

Monday, October 15, 2012


on friday morning JJ woke up early to run, while the galz and i "slept in" (until 7 a.m. what a luxury). when he got home, i broke the news to him:

me: "we are going to get Washington driver's licenses today."
me: "we are going and that is final. it's the law, JJ."
me: "we need to register to vote in Washington before the election. WE HAVE TO VOTE JJ!"
JJ: "FINE. FINE. but i want Jimmy John's for lunch then." (which i think was meant to annoy me but really i was beyond thrilled).

so we got dressed (well, some of us got dressed. others may have been a bit bratty. others wanted nothing to do with real pants, because they had already planned on wearing Nike sweats all day). Gem looked the cutest because she was in the autumn spirit:

you guys. that ghost glows in the DARK. IT GLOWS. 

then we hopped in the car and off to get new licenses we went. 

we arrived and obviously the office was bursting with idiots. JJ gave me a stern look and snatched a number and sat down heavily next to me to make his point that he indeed did not want to be there. after we had been sitting there for 20 minutes, a girl donning playboy bunny pajama pants and an unlit cigarette dangling from her fingers, made her presence known by hacking up a lung and shouting "fuuuuuuuuuuuuu*k! i ain't gonna wait in here the whole time! i'm goin' for a smoke." we were so glad she told us her plan. i visibly cringed and JJ raised his eyebrows at me as if to say, "see? told you this was a bad idea." Gemma didn't seem to mind that we were spending the day in the threshold of Hell, though:

well, an hour went by. a whole hour. and they didn't call our number. and we had to leave because JJ had a doctor's appointment. so we got to the car and JJ was all "ha. ha. ha. i told you that was going to be miserable and we didn't even get anything done." alkdfjlkasdfjk i hate when he is right as a direct result of me being wrong. then Cleo drove us to JJ's appointment.

and after the appointment we went to Jimmy John's as promised. then i said, "okaywearegoingbacktothedmv" and JJ practically threw himself onto the pavement in angst. but we went back. and waited 40 minutes. AND THEN OUR NUMBER WAS CALLED. that is such a great moment, isn't it? when your number is called after you have been waiting for so long? like you are sitting there saying the number over and over in your head, and when the guy with the number right before yours makes his first move to leave and you know it's your turn next YOUR TURN NEXT, you are literally JUMPING IN YOUR SEAT IN ANTICIPATION OMG BECAUSE YOU ARE SO EXCITED and when that moment comes--the moment when your number is REALLY ACTUALLY CALLED OUT LOUD FOR EVERYONE TO HEAR, you walk up nice and slowly, rubbing it in that it is your turn, beaming and winking and waving as if you were walking down the god damned red carpet. 

so we got to the counter and we told the lady what we needed. and she said, "that will be $160." and i could feel JJ's angry eyes baring into my soul. i said, "oh. um, i thought it was $60? because they are renewals?" and she said, "no. you are switching from California to Washington. $160." so JJ wrote the check with a hateful flourish. and then she said, "would you guys like to register to vote?" and i said "yes, yes we would." and she said, "well, it will not take effect until after the election." AUDIBLE NOISE SIMILAR TO DYING ANIMAL EMITS FROM JJ'S MOUTH. "oh? i um. i thought we could register here?" i said. "if you want to register in time for the election, you have to do it in person at a different office about an hour from here." aksdjfalsjkdflkajsdflajsdflkjasdlkfjlaks;dfjlaks;djflkasjdf. just please.

but how lucky are we that our new license pictures turned out so nicely?

OMG I'M KIDDING OBVIOUSLY. but really though, who in this world actually LIKES their license picture?? 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

what's on L's phone?!

ohhhhh Thor the Viking. 
i went to my old high school gym to watch my sister coach volleyball. and it still brings back strong memories of early morning drill team practice. 

you guys. i made polenta. i fried it and the hot oil popped out of the pan and singed my delicate eyebrow skin. and also that spot under my eye. and also it got on my hand. and i had a good panic attack about it. i told my sister-in-law about it later and she said, "why didn't you just go to trader joe's and buy the already made polenta?" and i said, "...i did. i did buy the already made polenta." 

JJ's grandpa and Gemma. 

Gemcake and Nannie and Bear by the pool in California 

Gemma's baptism day. isn't that a nice family picture? no? you think i look a little...i don't know...weird? let's zoom in on my face, shall we? 

WTF IS THAT?! NO SERIOUSLY, WHAT. IS. THAT?!?! AM I WEARING A GOD DAMNED HILLBILLY HALLOWEEN COSTUME?!?!!?!? LOOK AT MY JANGLY TEETH AND THE CELLULITE IN MY CHEEK AND MY NOSE SHADOW AND--DO I REALLY NEED TO GO ON??? just please. this was the only picture of the three of us that was taken on little baby's baptism day. and of course she looks adorably perfect and JJ is handsome and suave and debonaire looking. it's a shame i couldn't PULL IT TOGETHER for a nice family photo. c'monnnnnn L sladkjfklsadjfl;hadsjklfa

Gem & Bear

look at that little dolllllllll!

Pat the Bunny! classic. thanks to Auntie Sarah, Uncle Sanjin and cousins M&M. 

3 galz hangin' 

great, great Uncle Bishop Joe and Gemsicle in THAT GOWN OMG I DIE 

love this one. 

more baptism. with one of her godmothers Auntie Sarah. 

Big Gemsie Bear in her highchair!  

family pic on the plane. we barely made our flight because of terrible Seattle traffic, so we ran through the airport all bat shit crazy just like the family in Home Alone.

hydrangeas from my Mimi's yard.

BoBo & Jack. i found this picture while i was digging around in a drawer searching for a necklace. childhood dogs whom i loved. even though BoBo ate the gingerbread house i made in 7th grade, and Jack ate my 16th birthday ice cream cake. 

Gemstone & my Mimi 

the bear in Mimi's bathroom whose only purpose in life is to quite appropriately scare the poop out of unsuspecting bathroom patrons. i hate him.  

the. cutest. 

 first taste of rice cereal! i think she looks like me a little bit in this one.

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