Monday, January 14, 2013

the struggle

 jeans: J Brand, chambray: H&M, hoodie: Alternative Earth, Uggs

sometimes. sometimes i just hate the feeling that the success of my days is measured by how clean the house is. most days i'm all "YES I WILL ENJOY THIS GLASS OF WINE. GEMMA IS ALIVE. THAT'S WHAT I DID TODAY. HIGH FIVE, SELF." but some days it's like "OHMYGOD. no seriously. it's 5 p.m. the house looks like maybe a pack of rabid hogs lives in it, i'm still wearing my pajamas, and i ate stale tortilla chips for lunch, wtf." this most wonderful job in the world of staying home and raising my own baby comes with a bit of a struggle between YES I LOVE THIS I AM SO LUCKY and GOD DAMMIT I JUST WANT TO PUT ON A PENCIL SKIRT, GO TO WORK, USE MY COLLEGE DEGREE, TYPE ON A COMPUTER AND SHOOT THE SHIT WITH ADULTS IN THE BREAK ROOM.

and this last weekend my sister M came to Seattle and we went to the mall and she bought all sorts of fun and wonderful things. because she can. because she is childless and part of a two-income household. she works hard (as a Special Education teacher) for her money, and so sometimes she gets to spend it on a new pair of jeans and a bunch of fancy things from lululemon. even though all i get to buy is a salad at Nordstrom Cafe. all i get to do is try on the jacket that i have been wanting really really really badly for like, ever, only to be forced to hang it back up and leave the store with my head hanging sadly. because i live in a one-income household and i just don't have the luxury of buying whatever i want, when i want it. OOOOH POOOR OLD L. SOOOO SAD. NEVER GETS ANYTHING. WAHHHH.

it may seem a bit silly, but really though, sometimes it's hard. i am so grateful that i am able to stay home with my little favorite, and i would absolutely die if i had to leave her everyday all day to go to work (and don't even get me started on the mothers who pump at work. i mean, BRAVO TO YOU! YOU ARE AMAZING! I COULD NOT DO IT). but, at the same time, i am so much more than a clean house. and i know that. it's just sometimes i have to remind myself. and if we didn't have Gemma, i would be working hard and earning money and buying that damn jacket and socializing with people my own age. but that's just it. i have a Gemma instead. and she's better than a jacket. and is more fun to hang out with than adults.

you know, it's a really big deal to be a stay at home mom. and it's also a really big deal to be a working mom. it's a really big deal to be a mom period.

to all the momz: good. job. we work hard to create and raise these miniature humans. we rock.

if you haven't already, enter the Ratbone Skinny giveaway!


  1. Word. And remember that chart I posted a while back? It was a triangle, and the points were "Clean House", "Sanity", and "Clean House." The title of the chart was "pick two." Yep indeedy, we can't have all three of those. It Just. Doesn't. Work.

    Oh, and PS, my husband is home allllll day with us, too. I get an extra high five for that, don't I??

  2. Oops, the points were "Clean House', "Sanity", and "Pets and Kids"...not clean house twice, haha!

  3. So true. You are amazing keep it up!

  4. Well put!

    Also, I entered the Rat Bone Skinny giveaway!

  5. Bravo to you and all the SAHMs! Yes, it can be hard. Yes, it can lead to conflicting emotions. Yes, you will sometimes feel less than the high-heeled, lipstick-wearing working woman. But never lose sight of the fact that NO ONE can be Gemma's mommy like Gemma's mommy can. You are very lucky (oh, and there's so much more than luck here--so much sacrifice too) to be a stay-at-home-mom! Keep rocking your new job, Love!

  6. Both are hard. I worked full time (with you at CGU!) with my first baby and stayed home with the second. Remember this: if you want you can work full time later when Gemma gets older. Or you can work part time later. Your degree and all your experience raising Gemma are valuable. Hang in there. It will get easier! There is a season for everything. For being with the babies, for working... For a messy house, for a clean house. Love your blog. Thank you for writing!

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