Monday, February 11, 2013

favors



skirt: JC Penney, cardigan: TJ Maxx, belt: Betsey Johnson, boots: Frye



one sleeve rolled up just for shits and giggles. 

i ask JJ for favors. very small favors. like "could you please get me a glass of water? in a stemless wine glass? with exactly two pieces of ice please?" and "will you zap my coffee please? only 20 seconds. and you have to pour it into a different mug because this mug has gold on it and will spark and catch on fire if you put it in the microwave." and "will you grab me a pair of socks? no, not those kind. the kind from costco. not those ones from costco. i mean the kind from costco that cover my ankle bones and are really thick. and also, can you put the socks on me?" 

sometimes he grumbles audibly and calls me high maintenance, but usually he's really nice about my very small favors. and so when he asks me to do something for him, i try to graciously do so with elegance and grace. 

JJ has a cold. and so last night he asked me to grab him a piece of toilet paper to blow his nose. i said, "NOIDON'TWANNA! I'M ALREADY IN BEDDDDDD!" and he said with a sad face, "but i always get you things when you ask for them..." and so i said "KJDFKSKJHFFHHF FINEEEEEEEEE I'LL GET UP OUT OF BED. JUST FOR YOU, JJ. JUST. FOR. YOU." so i did. isn't that nice? i got him some toilet paper and climbed back into bed and handed it to him. 

and let me tell you, the special treatment must have gone to his head. because he turned into a diva and shouted, "WHAT IS THIS L?! NO SERIOUSLY. WHAT. IS. THIS." and i said, "hush guyle (i call him guyle sometimes. you say it like "kyle" but with "guy" instead of "ky") what is your problem? i got you your tissue,  why are you shouting at me??" and he bellowed at me, "L. YOU GAVE ME LIKE 5 SQUARES OF TOILET PAPER. I NEED MORE THAN THAT TO BLOW MY NOSE. I'M A HUMAN BEING, NOT A KITTEN." and i said, "oh I'M sorry, i didn't realize that kittens blow their noses." and then i laughed because it was funny that he said in all seriousness and frustration, "i'm a human being, not a kitten" and he was a very sore grump because i was laughing at him. so he huffed and puffed and blew his nose (for the record, there was plenty of toilet paper for the task) then hatefully threw the snotty tissue under the covers (to try and make me angry. only it didn't work because i was still laughing about the kitten comment) and turned over to go to sleep. and i said, "JJ, calm down you little kitten! you're being a butt! that is the last time i do anything nice for you!"

sheeeeeeesh. i mean, talk about DRAMA QUEEN. 

this morning i asked JJ to get me coffee and a toasted english muffin with peanut butter and jelly and a vitamin and please hand me another pillow oh and could you make Gemmie's breakfast and all was right in the world because JJ was doing me favors instead of the other way around. 

and after he did all those things he came gliding into the bedroom and batted his eyelashes at me. and i was like, oh boyyyyyy...what does he want? and he said, "hi L. since i did all those nice things for you this morning, i have one teensy small favor to ask of you..." and i said, "what? what is it JJ?" and he said, "i prepared a pork for dinner tonight. except it won't be ready to go in the crock pot until 11. so i need you to put the pork in the crock pot and turn it on. can you do that for me pretty please?" and the way he asked me, i just couldn't say no. especially since i was holding my mug of coffee on its 3rd zap (thanks to JJ).

and so I'M the nicest person in this relationship. me, the vegetarian, will be touching dead, raw pig meat with my BARE HANDS at 11. i will be preparing dinner for HIM AND HIM ONLY. because obviously i'm not eating the pork. i win. i am the best. the best and the nicest wife in all the land.

also, Gemma learned how to make fart noises.
video

also, i figured out how to get the weekly poll working again. it's back!

5 comments:

  1. there are few things in the universe that gross me out more than raw meat. david always has to handle it around here.

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  2. omg Gemma is so cute! also that skirt is amazing.

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  3. Hahahaha the kitten comment hahaha!!

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  4. We have this same problem. He does favors for me all the time, but when he's sick all of the sudden I'm the care taker. don't they know it's like 10 bajillion times harder to take care of a sick person? So I think we're even. I love the kitten thing, that is hilarious.

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