Thursday, June 13, 2013

a real dog of a day

aren't they so cute together? no.

because i have a story to tell.

you thought that JJ stepping in Gemma's poo was the end of the shituations in the Hansen Household. you were so wrong.

last week i embarked on a new adventure called Stroller Strides (it's like a workout with your baby&stroller and it's really fun but also hard and i could barely move for 3 days and i know i should permanently join but but but...i'm a lazy asshole). anyway, so we went (Cleo was left behind. no dogs allowed at Stroller Strides) and then we went to get some groceries. when we got home, i do what i always do: i set G down inside to play while i ran back out to the car to grab the bags. i came back with full arms and went right into the kitchen to start unloading. then i heard G spitting followed by yelling. pretty typical. but i walked into the living room to see what all the fuss what about. and maybe for one second wished i didn't live with Cleo. because, THERE, right before my eyes, was my baby sitting on the floor eating a piece of crusty dog shit. ksadjfklasdfjdfhjsalksdfadhkjs CRUSTY DOG SHIT. ALL OVER HER HANDS AND FACE. and the smell. OHMYGOD. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh MY GOD the smell. i just...why would Gemma eat a piece of dog shit but refuse watermelon and apples?! i just can't even deal. IT WAS SO DISGUSTING I ALMOST THREW UPPPPP. so i rinsed out her mouth and washed her hands and face and took a machete to Cleo's head changed her clothes. but she still had poop breath. literally. Gemma LITERALLY had poop breath. so i gave her a cookie. i thought about Binaca...but it would sting her little mouth. i also thought about calling poison control, but she didn't actually swallow any of the dog poop. so that was it. we continued as if it was a totally normal day. even though the baby had munched on Cleo Turd.


and WHERE was her mother when Gemma found the dog turd and picked it up?? in the kitchen eating cheese unloading groceries and not paying attention to her 1-year-old child. what an idiot that woman is. ANYWAY, who wants me to babysit for them?? FREE DOG TURDS FOR ALL THE BABIES!


  1. hahahahah! Poor Gem. I would still let you baby (or dog) sit!

  2. hahahhahaha oh my gosh. I think I would probably freak out and just call my hubby or my mom to ask what to do if that ever happened to me!! you handled it much better than I would have!

  3. ahahahahhaah I already heard this and it's even funnier this time around. you did not. not. think of binaca. ahahah, circa 2005. just please. only you L. only you.

  4. Hilarious, but I will think twice before letting Gemma "French Kiss" me again!

  5. Hahaha, oh no!! poor little gemma! and her poor poor mama!

  6. you thought that JJ stepping in Gemma's poo was the end of the shituations in the Hansen Household. you were so wrong. great dog fence site

  7. I think some of the leaking problems people have are due to incorrect prep and washing so if you follow the directions and use the correct soap you shouldn't have a problem. When she is big enough for the mediums, I will buy them again. We have never had a problem with diaper rash. As you can tell, I'm happy with these and although the washing and stuffing the diapers is a little more work, we make it happen. We will soon be using cloth wipes because it won't be anymore work for us and better for our little girl!


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