Thursday, July 11, 2013

a post about mah boobies

i'm wearing denim suspenders? 

this is a post about boobs.

a lengthy, rambling post about boobs.

 wedding dress shopping for sister CA.

i knew i wanted to nurse JF. i was determined. Breast is Best and all that jazz. then JF turned out to be Gemma and what the lactation consultants called "a super sucker" and my nips were red and raw and i screamed out in terror every time she nursed. and she didn't gain weight fast enough so i had to pump after she nursed and hook up a feeding tube the next time she nursed so she would get double the milk, etc. etc. etc. it was dramatic, to say the least. so. dramatic.

in the car. broken AC. no pants.  

sorry if i scared you there, pregnant friends--who thought you wanted to nurse your babies--for making you throw up just now and change your minds.

with the nursing necklace. 

but don't worry. it got better. like i always tell people, YA JUST GOTTA LET THE NIPS TOUGHEN UP, LIKE A FINE LEATHER. but really, that's what happens. then it's pretty much smooth sailing from there. except for the unavoidable nip slip here (G and i are nursing-cover-abstainers) and the occasional clogged duct there (nothing a little olive oil can't cure).

late-night feeding in a hotel room with poor yellow lighting. 

my plan was to try and make it to 6 months. and then 6 months came and went and i inadvertently fell in love with breastfeeding. it was my selfish Gemmie time. nobody could feed her but me (plus she never really took a bottle of pumped milk either) and she knew it. it's a bonding experience like no other. and i felt like superwoman, singlehandedly sustaining this living breathing beauty by using the two magical fleshy mounds on my chest. what a miracle! and ohhh my little Gemsicle would wake up in the morning and be the grumpiest old man you've ever met in your life until she got her "Morning Coffee" (i.e. morning nurse sesh. JJ aptly named it). we nursed all over the damn place. in restaurants, in stores (Ann Taylor Loft has THE best dressing rooms for nursing btw), in the parked car, on park benches, on planes, in the moving car (sometimes the law must be broken), basically anywhere we would sit, we would also nurse. i have never been a modest person, so i felt comfortable nursing Gemma anywhere and everywhere. it was a wonderful experience. and can i just tell you: my jugs looked absolutely fantastic. they were nice and full and high like a god damned 15-year-old's.

Ann Taylor Loft dressing room (SEE! LOOK! LOOK AT THAT LUXURIOUS BENCH!)

but like everything else in the world, all good things must come to an end.

when Gemma was around 11 months old, i noticed a decrease in her want/need for milk, and so a week before her first birthday, we decreased from four to three nursing sessions each day. i switched it out with a sippy cup of whole cow's milk. she didn't even notice. the next day i dropped another session. the following day i dropped another. so by the end of the week, all we had left was her one small "Morning Coffee" session. and it was sort of sad. but also sort of great. my boobs would become mine again! but that also meant that my baby wouldn't be a baby anymore!!! and my heart broke a little that G didn't even seem to be missing it. but the day we dropped the Morning Coffee, she was as angry as a bull. and i got a teensy weensy bit of satisfaction out of it. like "OKAY SHE ACTUALLY DOES CAREEEEEEEEEE" and then it was over. just like that. she's a cow's milk drinking fool now. only i made the mistake of serving it to her warm the first time. DAMMIT L. kaldjldksff;ldsa so now she will only drink it warm.

fave pastime: punching mom in the face.

and i was prepared for and ready to endure the pain of engorgement from weaning...only it never came. you guys it doesn't hurt. at all. i just dried up and that was that.


because what used to be a lush and bountiful chest of dreams has now become two sad flaps. sad flaps in the wind. my boobs look like Peter Griffin's you guys. they have been used and abused by a baby and now they have sagged and shriveled. they are smaller than ever and it's a bit depressing. i know, i know. first world problems. but still, it's sad. the only solution is to either be pregnant or nursing from now until the day that i die. but i really love wine too much for that kind of lifestyle.

at home on the couch in our favorite spot. 

but in all seriousness, i'm proud of my boobs and the journey they've been on thus far. they've done right by me and my baby. and they're the only ones i've got. the flaps in the wind remind me of where they've been and where they'll surely go again. i will nurse more babies and it will be grand.

and in the meantime, i will be taking suggestions for comfortable, supportive bras that come in teensy sizes.


  1. LOL this is hysterical. So true. My boobs look like flapjacks or teardrops when not b-fing. I didn't realize boobies could look sad, but mine definitely do. I told my husband I'm saving up for my eventual necessary boob job.

  2. Love this post. I am within weeks (days?) of weaning my second and the only thing keeping me going is how my boobs looked after weaning my first - SMALL and SAGGY. I'm honestly a little worried there will be nothing left this time around!

  3. Thanks Lacie. This post is very timely for me as I sit in the lactation room at work pumping. I feel very similar to you about breastfeeding - love it! Trying to convince myself that all this time spent in this room is worth it and will allow me to feed my little one when we are together. Can only hope I make it as long as you - thanks for the inspiration!

  4. 11 months was when Joon started being done with daytime nurses, too! I was so so sad. At 15 months we still do a morning coffee nurse and a bedtime nurse, but my boobies are already doing the sad shrivel. Booo. Engorgement is painful, but it really does make you look like a porn star. Also it made my waist look smaller, which I welcomed after having a baby! Yayyyy breastfeeding. We're also cover abstainers, hurrah!

  5. Linda GiangregorioJuly 11, 2013 at 10:45 AM

    Oh yeah I feel your pain! The only thing that has kept mine full is if I have a little extra cushion. I did find out though that there is a way to avoid the saggy empty look after breastfeeding. And then proceeded to be extremely pissed because I didn't know this information sooner. We nursed for 18 months! So here it is I share it with everyone!

  6. Hey! we have one thing in common.... the nip slip. I dont even have a baby to breast feed for this excuse. Small boobs are chic! This was a great read over my afternoon tea. xoxoxox. Gemmy is lucky to have such a great mom.

  7. I LOVE this post and can relate to it word for word. My son will be 7 months on Friday and we're still nursing strong. I love our little nursing sessions and I'm going to be devastated when he is no longer a boob man! You are an amazing mama for nursing your little one for a full year!


  8. I love how honest you are! I only nursed for like 3 months...and I mainly pumped because C wouldn't latch very well, and I kind of gave up because it hurt so badd! But thanks for the advice to just keep chugging because for my next one I do notttt want to buy formula that shit is expensive!

    1. Amy! I with you! It didn't work out for M and I to make it through nursing this time but I am DETERMINED that bay #2 will be nursed. And lets be honest....I got those same flappy boobs and didn't even nurse. Just not fair!

  9. I'm a long-time fan of your blog but have never commented until today. This post is what did it. I LOVE this post. I am still nursing my 9.5 month old baby girl and really hoping to make it until she's at least 18 months (we'll see). I am worried about the deflated & floppy boobies, though, and was hoping to maybe bypass that whole mess, but in reading this post I now know it's probably inevitable. Darn.

  10. All I'm saying is....GREAT excuse for some new bras at the Nordy Sale!

  11. this is so beyond great! I'm sharing on the mom blog! Love this line: "it's a bonding experience like no other. and i felt like superwoman, singlehandedly sustaining this living breathing beauty by using the two magical fleshy mounds on my chest. what a miracle! " You did your boobies proud lady :)

  12. "sad flaps in the wind." I AM DYING. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

  13. Hell ya mama! You're awesome! I'm nursing my 6 mo as we speak! This post makes me dread the weaning day, but excitement as well. And be glad you have small flaps. I have very large flaps. Like great aunt sue status. Yuck. Cest la vie! Right? :) way to go mama. G is a lucky girl!

  14. Ahhh! Don't tell me this. I am loving real boobies for the first time ever and I don't want them to get tinier and saggy! Hahaha

  15. ALL too true, from the ridiculously sore nipples, to falling in love with nursing (& awesome boobs!), to the sad flap jacks that now hang from my chest... LOVE this post, L!


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