Friday, November 1, 2013


today we went to the grocery store and they were handing out Halloween balloons for free! Gemma picked this guy. and he has scared the shit out of me a handful of times already today. 

Gemmabee and Cleolady! oh they were so cute! Halloween with Gemma is the most fun ever!

Gemma ate shit and got a gigantic bruise just in time for Halloween!

 the tiger. the bee. the lamb.

a few of us families got together at Mel's house and had a delicious feast of salad, chili and cornbread before hitting the pavement. trick-or-treating was fun--we didn't know how the littles would do--or even if they would be into it, but after the first two houses, they caught on and had a blast!

one house we went to gave the kids little ziploc bags filled with m&m's. I'M SORRY, NO. that means they were all touched by some stranger's hand. they might have meth on them! or even worse--poop! inevitably those were the favored treat. you can see Gemma holding them above. 

when we finally took them away from her, she sobbed.

 it's so hard to get a nice group picture when there are toddlers involved. 

after a nice dessert of vanilla wafers and pumpkin cool whip dip, it was time to pack it up and head out. Gemma was completely besotted with her loot and was absolutely brokenhearted when we told her she couldn't eat any of it. it's hard to be a bee! 

and then. AND THEN YOU GUYS. as i was bent over, putting all of our stuff in the bag, i felt a breeze. from behind. i cannot. my pants. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO ME. MY PANTS SPLIT. RIGHT. DOWN. THE. ASSCRACK. i stood up very quickly and said, "OHMYGOD MY PANTS HAVE SPLIT! I'M SO EMBARRASSED!" and JJ so very delicately said, "WELL ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?!" just please. i hate him. I WAS WEARING UNDERWEAR. and they were pale pink and old and giant. and at that point, i had no idea how many people had seen them. i mean COME ON. why do these things happen to me?! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO SPLIT HER PANTS IN HALF ON HALLOWEEN?!?! DAMMIT! Mel kindly gave me a pair of sweats and everyone was cool about it but still. it's just not fair. 

the pants. which also happen to be my favorite pants. the good news is that Nordstrom is going to fix them for me!!! when i brought them in, the woman said, "oh, are these...dirty?" LADY C'MON. YES. THEY'RE DIRTY. I AM SORRY THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WASH THE CHILI OFF BETWEEN THE INCIDENT AND NOW. JUST FIX THEMMMM! I'M EMBARRASSED ENOUGH AS IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSS! 

so that is the story of my pants splitting.
and now: goodbye Halloween. get the hell out of here. i take back what i said about you being magical.


  1. the entire post from start to finish hard me laughing so hard i was crying...hope today went a lot better than yesterday.

  2. HahHaha! But seriously, how is it that you, the tiniest lady on earth, pants split??


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