Tuesday, April 30, 2013

what's on L's phone?!

hahahahahhahahaaaa i'm so stupid. this was taken during my sister CA's wedding weekend. i said "HEY CHARLIE CHARLIE CHARLIE TAKE MY PIC POSING IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE!" and so she did. and this is how stupid i looked. hahahahahhaaaa she sent it to me today and neither of us could stop laughing. 

Sand got this chalkboard and we had WAYYYY too much fun with it!

LJ took this picture of Gemmie and it's just SO SWEET

G and her bff Little M. two little butts on one little chair!

i babyproofed the bottom two shelves! they used to be filled with exxxtremely dangerous things like wires and porcelain bowls and meth. but now it's SO Gem-friendly. 

baby's first taste of spaghetti. rite of passage!

flying with the girlz. 

her new favorite hobby is sitting on top of Cleo without warning. IT'S SO HILARIOUS OMG.

JJ and Gemsicle

my favorite little snugglebum

i love them

yardwork. hahahahahha. and in case you were wondering, YES, JJ does always pulls weeds while wearing dress socks. 

G and cousin N thoroughly enjoying each other. 


this picture captures Gemma's drama-queen-ness SO WELL.

favorite squishy baby face!

"i'm sorry, Queen Lacie is busy right now. may i take your name and number for a message?"

we gave G an early birthday present because it was too sunny outside not to! also do you see JJ photobombing? also, my Dad and i think G has Jimmy Neutron hair...OMG DOESN'T SHE!?!?

yesterday Gemsie Bear and i went on a walk and when we got home i realized she was missing a sock. then today, after a night of Seattle rain, we went on a walk with our friend Sabs and WE FOUND THE MISSING SOCK! floating in a puddle. also, why is my hand so tan and my pointer finger so white? and one more thing: my chipped fingernail polish is making me so annoyed right now. 

no one ever thought they'd see the day. THAT'S ME AND THE LAWN MOWER

some days we take 2.5 hour morning naps, some days we skip them entirely. keeps mom on her toes. 


hahahah my pretty blonde friends. 

Rah and i drink wine by the litre.

two things: 1. yes, i wear these jeans and those boots everyday. 2. i locked myself out of my house again. just please. so i called the locksmith. but he said it would be "anywhere from $50-$150" and i decided that a new window screen is cheaper than that. so i had to break another screen to get myself in. thank goodness for JJ's irresponsible nature for forgetting to lock the window. i wonder how many people saw the crazy lady breaking into the front window of her own house in broad daylight. 

somebody deposited their pants on my property? i mean. wtf?! i had to check the tag to make sure they weren't JJ's pants. because let's be honest: JJ would totally be the person to leave his pants on the sidewalk. size 38. not JJ's. but they were LINEN. which made me think they were part of a spring wedding suit. which made me think that some guy had a little too much fun at their buddy's wedding reception and ditched his pants out the window on his way home. which made me laugh hahahahaa

very serious. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

what's inside my brain

 multitasking champion!! mothering AND having a beer. 

1. well. i had a wonderful and lazy weekend with some of my favorite gals: Sand and her baby, Rah (who came all the way from Spokane!) and of course Gemsie and Cleo. i'm mad at the pup. while Sand was rocking her baby to sleep in Gemma's room, Cleo decided to lay two huge dog logs on the carpet in there. i mean. come on. COME ON CLEO.

2. Martha. omg. keep it in your pants. i can't believe her 71-year-old self said she "wanted to sleep with someone" on national TV this morning!

3. Gemma says "woof" now. it's all about the dogs and ducks for her.

4. JJ has uploaded exactly six photos from his phone to facebook: 1. a selfie he took on Lake Coeur d'Alene, 2. a doughnut, 3. a snapshot of the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, 4. a landscape shot of our white Christmas 2012 morning in Suncadia, 5. me face-deep in a bag of salt n vinegar chips and this one:

he could not be more thrilled that Gemcat was hanging around hockey gear while wearing a pink skirt

5. i lost one of my nursing tank tops and it's like, completely debilitating. literally 20% of my wardrobe is missing because of that one top. and honestly, where did it go? 

6. Footloose was on TV this last weekend, and can i just say: SHUT UP KEVIN BACON WITH THOSE DANCE MOVES HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA the girls and i couldn't stop laughing at him. the more years that pass, the funnier that movie gets, amiright?!

7. is it mean to shake Gemma's seat to keep her from falling asleep in the car?

8. as a vegetarian i have always felt hypocritical because of my love for leather goods. until i just recently received an early birthday gift in the form of the most gorgeous lavender faux leather jacket (thanks Mimi!) that is completely washable and so effing cute. pleather is such a scary word, but if you find a high quality pleather (i.e. not from Forever21. my pleather jacket from F21 is so cute, but it looks and feels cheap up close [and also just in case you were wondering, you can't get the smell of puke out of F21 pleather]), you're golden! and now i don't feel so conflicted.   

9. for those of you who asked: both my striped swimsuit and peplum swimsuit are made by Lolli. i love their suits. so so cute and very well made.

10. it's almost peony season. omg omg omg!

Thursday, April 25, 2013


i feel bad for zoo animals. all cooped up where they don't belong. penguins and polar bears in San Diego; giraffes and elephants in Seattle. that shit ain't right, yo. so i don't go to zoos.

but then i had myself a baby and all of a sudden it was all OMG GEMMA NEEDS TO GO TO THE ZOO AND SEE ALL THE ANIMALS IN REAL LIFE! SHE LOVES ANIMALS! and so i set aside my zoo activist hat (metaphorical hat), put on my Indiana Jones adventure hat (real hat), and scream sang Raffi's song Going to the Zoo (MOMMY'S TAKIN' US TO THE ZOO TOMORROW, THE ZOO TOMORROW, THE ZOO TOMORROW, MOMMY'S TAKIN' US TO THE ZOO TOMORROW, WE CAN STAY ALL DAY! WE'RE GOIN' TO THE ZOO ZOO ZOO, HOW ABOUT YOU YOU YOU, YOU CAN COME TOO TOO TOO, WE'RE GOIN' TO THE ZOO ZOO ZOO!) i apologize. that went on far too long. it's just that once i start that song, i can't help but finish the first chorus. which is why JJ wanted to punch me in the face the night before we went to the zoo. Anyway, so, like every other parent on the planet, i took my child on her first trip to the zoo.

we met up with Sand and her sweet little baby. and ohmygod. the zoo was a zoo. just annoying ass little kids running rampant everywhere (and i am SO GLAD that Gemsie Bear isn't old enough yet to stomp her foot and demand a sea otter stuffed animal). G and i were 45 minutes late. unacceptable! but really it wasn't our fault. the parking payment machine was BROKEN and we had to wait in line for so long, and i got annoyed because my hat had already started giving me a headache and we hadn't even entered the zoo, but i was all "too bad, self. can't take it off now because you will look like a total dipshit with hat hair all day." so i kept it on. then we finally got into the zoo and met up with our gal pals and went about our day.

we went to the flamingos and Gemma quacked at them. meh, close enough. and then we happened upon a bird show. wherein which i almost got my head taken off by a hawk. it literally clipped my cheek with its wing. i almost crapped myself! then we found a cozy spot near the giraffes for some nursing and some talking and some lunch and some ladyfriend love. such cute little girls:

then we made a stop at the so-called "Family Farm," where this horndog couldn't keep it in his pants:

but seriously. look at the size of that guy's dong! omg!

after a long day of animal gazing and gabbing, the moms were pooped. so we said our goodbyes and parted ways. and 15 minutes later we ran into each other in the parking lot. we parked about 10 spots from each other. and both walked all the way around opposite ends of the zoo alone. i mean. comeonnnnnnnn idiots. we laughed maniacally at one another in the parking lot and said our real goodbyes.

twinsies! i love my little BFF

it was a lovely day at the zoo, even though deep down i wanted to set them all free. but when you let all the animals out in real life, it isn't like the children's book Goodnight Gorilla. when you let animals out in real life, it's like Jumanji.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

aloha i'm back

so Hawaii. you guys thought i got eaten by a shark, didn't you? 
well i didn't. i've just been diving headfirst into piles upon piles of sandy laundry. 

Hawaii was delightful. we didn't want to leave. 

we had the best time ever...after the flight--in which i spent 2.5 hours standing up by the lavatory holding sleeping Gem (in case you were wondering if anyone was able to tell if you took the poop on the airplane: believe you me, everyone knows. everyone). the baby refused to sleep unless i stood. it was really quite awful. but then the flight attendant gave me a ridiculously strong mai tai so then it was okay. but anyway, we landed in Hawaii all fresh and thrilled for our vacay (but missing JJ and Cleo a little bit). Gemsie was crabby and the moment i got her in the sleepsack and laid her on the bed, she cried. but then i climbed in next to her and she realized that OMG MOM IS SLEEPING WITH ME WTFFFF I'M SO EXCITED I COULD SCREAM! and she did. she laughed and laughed and laughed and patted my face and we giggled with each other about how much fun it was going to be to have sleepovers for a WHOLE WEEK (i spoke too soon. i spoke entirely too soon).

every morning we woke up before dawn. and Gemma climbed onto my body and sat on my face and yelled until i woke up. then i plugged coffee into my bloodstream and we dumped all the toys on the floor and played until Mimi & Papa woke up. then Mimi would make us a delicious breakfast. and we'd watch the news and hang out until naptime.

Papa nicknamed Gemsie "Queenie" for the week because she obviously doesn't have enough nicknames. and what a little Queenie she is.

Mimi got Gemsie the coolest pool floatie ever in the world which she loved until she got too hot or tired and didn't feel like being in the pool anymore.

ghoddddddd that swimcap kills me.

Mimi took G and me to run some errands and for a quick poke into her favorite shop where she bought us both new swimsuits. you guys. this swimsuit is amaze. it crosses over my tummy RIGHT WHERE you can tell i had a baby. it's totally cool. until you are in the pool pretending you are 8 years old doing handstands and you pop up out of the water and realize your nipple has popped up out of the water as well. 

and Gemmie got a mermaid bikini which is also has a swim diaper built in it and OMG IT HAS A TAIL.

Mimi also took us to get the best mai tais with real lilikoi froth on the top yummm 

most afternoons while Gemsie Bear and Papa napped, i sat out in the sun and read my book or stayed indoors and chainwatched Arrested Development on my parents' Netflix account. (side story: after G went to sleep one night, i wasn't tired so i decided to watch AD. only an error message came up: "you are attempting to watch Netflix on too many devices." turns out my sisters CA and MM ((AND sister M uses it too--there are literally 9--NINE--people using the same Netflix account)) were already using the account to watch Vampire Diaries and Greek, respectively. i was so unnecessarily pissed. i shouted at them via text to go to sign the F off and go to bed so i, their 26-year-old sister, could watch my television show using our parents' Netflix account. 

and on Monday morning we shit our pants with worry about Nannie and Bear. my Mom ran the Boston marathon, and crossed the finish line just before the explosions. and my Dad was in between them. we were so relieved they were safe--and are so heartbroken that others weren't as fortunate. 
we just want peace. peace. peace. peace. 

that's my Mom running in the pink top. and those are the bombers in the back. this picture gives me chills.

so so so grateful they're safe and sound at home now.

we went to Mimi & Papa's church where the priest gives his homily while barefoot which is totally awesome and everyone hugs everyone and there is so much love in the air it's so cool. 

we also went to the Aulani Resort (per my request--duh. if it's Disney, my ass will be there) for brunch.

and we had to pose in front of the wooden Stitch  

and wouldn't you know it--WE SPOTTED MICKEY OMG. i shrieked and ran up to him and pretended that no, really, Gemma wanted to see him, not me. and so i introduced my baby to Hawaiian Mickey. and she fell in love with him and delicately placed her little hand on his nose and patted him. and my heart exploded with happiness and my life was complete.

we met up with an old friend who lives in Hawaii and she treated us like royalty, giving us a taste of her life. she is all sunkissed and gorgeous, while we tromped around the beach with our NorthFace backpack full of touristy shit like maps and spf 70 sunscreen.


and she even got Gemmie and me matching BFF bracelets. which we are completely obsessed with and haven't taken off since she gave them to us.

we adored Hawaii and cannot wait to go back! it was the best trip ever! (well, except for the mad case of the squirts G got towards the end of the trip which caused sleepless nights and general discomfort for everyone) we are so lucky Mimi and Papa were such wonderful hosts.

 me: who wants to eat sand and part of a dead crab? Gem: OMG MEEEEEEE!

hunting for shells

we were so excited to see JJ and Cleo at the airport. i was a sweaty mess from hauling G in the Ergo, the backpack, the carry-on suitcase and the carseat (you guys seriously. i looked like a nomad) and demanded DEMANDED in n out immediately (we flew into LAX for our niece's baptism that weekend) and absolutely inhaled my grilled cheese and fries and Gemma was beyond thrilled to see her dog and her dad. 

the end.
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