Friday, November 22, 2013

a happy ending

but seriously you guys, the doors at Purple are so STUPIDLY HEAVY--even Shaq would have a hard time opening them. 

one cold day in November...

my mom handed me a $10 bill to buy her a latte and i pocketed the $7 change and forgot about it. when i realized that i pocketed her change, i felt really bad and i called her and said that i was sorry and that really i wasn't trying to steal her money.

the following week...

i had a nice little HH date at Purple with my friend Allison. some Malbec, some baked Brie, some crab cake sliders, some good conversation. it was delightful. and i got to drive JJ's car to my date and it has bluetooth, so i made 400 phone calls because i don't have that luxury in my car. anyway, i paid for parking ($20. get the F out of here, Bellevue). anyway, this is all to say that after i paid for parking, i left my wallet (and the $20 bill Allison slipped into the cup holder because she felt bad that i was such an idiot and parked in the most expensive garage) in JJ's car that night, unbeknownst to me.

the next morning...

i was gathering my things to take Cleo to her long-overdue haircut, when i finally noticed my wallet was missing. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! i yelled the F word, and then Gemma yelled the F word. it was a fiasco. i mean how stressful is it when you lose your wallet?! beyond. especially since now i have a wallet that i am desperately in love with. i got all hot and panicky and sweaty. partially because i was so upset about my fave wallet, and partially because i just lectured JJ about responsibility because he lost his credit card and i didn't want him to get the satisfaction of being able to do the same to me.

i worked up the courage to admit to JJ that i had lost my wallet. i called him and he said "oh yeah, your wallet. i meant to tell you, it's in my car" ldjfladsjfljkads i mean. just please.

i was thrilled that my wallet wasn't really lost, but OH NO! how was i supposed to pay for Cleo's haircut?!

so i called JJ again and he said he would come home in time to give me my wallet to pay for Cleo's haircut.

disaster averted.

then i got in my car and AHHHHHHH! NO GAS!

it's okay, i'll just go to the gas station and fill up--OH NEVER MIND, I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET. it all was just getting to be goddamn ridiculous.

i stuffed my hands into my pockets in exasperation, and there, nestled in the pocket was the $7 of my Mom's money that i had inadvertently stolen.

isn't it just so great when things have a way of working themselves out?! i mean, it was so embarrassing to ask the gas station man to put $7 on pump 2 (he actually laughed at me!!!) but it was just enough to get me to the groomer's and back. i love a good ol' fashioned happy ending.

the end.

a special thank you to my mom and her $7.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

wild baby

we had a U Village date with Sandi and Isla for the sole purpose of purchasing Christmas pajamas. the Hansen household will be decorating on Saturday, and i wanted Gemmie to be festive as a fig while doing so. off to Hanna Andersson we went. where we both picked up the most adorable fair isle pajamas there ever were. i mean JUST ADORABLE. Gemma was in the Ergo (we left our stroller at my parents' house and the jogging stroller has a flat) and i think it is the last time i carry her in the Ergo (*sob* babywearing was my most favorite thing aside from nursing) because she no longer wants to be in it. she pulls my hair and says "WALK WALK WALK!" until i relent and set her down. and so i did just that in Hanna Andersson. i set her down. she insisted on carrying the shopping bag, then she ran right out of Hanna Andersson and straight over to the water frogs (the water frogs are bronze frogs that sneakily squirt water at unsuspecting patrons. the children love them, the parents do not). WHY THE WATER FROGS ARE EVEN RUNNING IN THE FALL AND WINTER IS BEYOND ME. WHYYYY?!?! NOOOOOOO!!!!! Gemma was soaked. to the bone. and it was freezing outside. and she didn't have her jacket on because it was too bulky to wear inside of the Ergo, and so there we were--water drenched Gemma and her mom standing in the middle of U Village like a couple of nutbags (i might add that Isla was all snuggled up cozy and warm and behaving like an angel in her stroller, 10 points for Sandi!).

i wasn't done with my excursion, and i wasn't about to let the water frogs foil my day. so i changed Gemma into the only thing i had--the new Christmas pajamas. she looked totally crazy and i'm sure i looked even crazier. THIS CHILD MUST HAVE A HORRID MOTHER, LETTING HER PRANCE ABOUT THE PLAY STRUCTURE WEARING PAJAMAS WITHOUT A JACKET!

and everyone stared at us and we got so many comments, "isn't she...cute?!" which i think was said only because when you see a toddler dressed like this in a public place, you almost HAVE to say something. i'm just glad they weren't saying what i know they were all thinking, "WHAT in the name of Sam Hell?! why is that child dressed like a deranged elf?!?!?!?!"

i love this story so much, because it's so true to my Gemma's personality. my wild baby. she pushes me to the limit nearly everyday, sometimes bringing me to tears. but alas, i wouldn't have it any other way.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

what's on L's phone?!

monday morning meeting madness
little buddies 

EATING BESALU AND SO THRILLED! (our favorite after church spot in Ballard) 

too many Besalu pastries. too. many. 

exploring. this girl loves to be outside. loves. and i don't really love to be outside. but you know, being outside with Gemma really makes being outside way more tolerable (how many times can i say "outside" in one sentence?). it's so much fun watching her walk around talking to herself, stopping to pick things up and inspect them.  

riding the giant frog at Mimi & Papa's house 

Isla & Gemma sharing a good book 

obligatory post-run beach pic! 

sunny Malibu 

YOU TWO! stop being so adorable. 

i mean, obviously.  

she's a SoCal girl at heart, this one! 

this is Zoe--she is JJ's parents new puppy--they haven't even met her yet. we got to pick her out a couple weeks ago and next week we get to pick her up for them! i might just have to sneak another one of the puppies into my purse for myself! 

Monday, November 18, 2013


things i am proud of:

1. i finally scheduled a grooming appointment for my neglected dog, after comments from friends and family that she is looking scruffy and mangy. which is true. except that really Cleopatra is a beauty queen, so i feel bad that i haven't taken her in for a proper haircut in over a year. i took a picture of her yesterday and it reminded me of those STARS WITHOUT MAKEUP! photos.

2. i de-seeded a pomegranate all by myself.

3. i know all the words to Stompy the Bear.

4. i made an all-time Graf family favorite dish for Gemma and JJ on Saturday morning for breakfast. EGG IN THE HOLE YOU GUYS! it was Gem's first EITH, and she loved it.

5. i ate a sandwich today made with LIGHT mayonnaise. LIGHT MAYONNAISE. JJ bought it obviously, not me. and i thought i would barf, but i didn't. i ate it. OHMYGOD I'M SO HEALTHY RIGHT NOW.

6. this husband and father, who finished and placed in yet another half marathon. GO JJ GO!

7. the great deal on socks i found for G at Marshall's. except that i accidentally threw away the Marshall's bag with the socks inside it and didn't realize until garbage day had come and gone. dammit!

8. the fact that i refrained from punching Gemma when she threw a golf ball at my face.

9. the homemade and free holiday decoration i made from an errant yard clipping:
you see now, what i mean about Cleo. she's a hot mess. her fu manchu is outta control.  

10. this glorious creation i made using bath toys.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

the ghost

thanks to my friend Sandi for capturing this shot! she always catches Gemmie and me having the best time!

so i have a ghost that lives in my house (he's a he. because girl ghosts just make me picture Moaning Myrtle. and Moaning Myrtle is annoying as shit) i was positive that he was creaking through our walls last winter. i thought well, maybe he is a Christmas ghost. maybe he died right before Christmas and didn't get to open his presents (that is a very real fear of mine by the way) so he's real pissed off about it TO THIS DAY and so he creaks around every winter in agonized torture because he still doesn't know what gifts he would have received. and so i felt bad for the ghost. i mean, that would be a horrifically long period of purgatory if you spent every day wondering and guessing what your presents were. i can't even.

but then  i found mouse droppings in my sock drawer and realized that my ghost wasn't really a ghost at all.

until the other day i realized that my ghost actually really does exist. HE REALLY DOES. no? you disagree? you don't believe in ghosts? WELL THEN RIDDLE ME THIS: my DVR records Martha Stewart. everyday at 10 a.m. i have never once set my DVR to record Martha Stewart. but it just keeps on recording. every. damn. day. i have even canceled the series. NUMEROUS TIMES. yet Martha still appears on my DVR. he is a ghost who has a penchant for crafting and baking!

also i think it's him who is eating all the Nutella.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

what's on L's phone?!


out for a stroll 

we took the babies to the symphony and they adored it. and Gemma didn't wear shoes. #whitetrash 

if you're in my address book, chances are you received this photo with the text: "i have something very serious to ask you" ... "DO I HAVE SOMETHIN IN MAH TEETH?!" hahahahhaha i'm so stupid.

early morning vacuuming with Nannie in jammies! 

eating sorbet with Bear. 

Sandi took fall pictures of the girls last week. she does all the work! 

out and about. and also so you guys can see that i actually DO know how to properly strap my child in a car seat. hah.

and also that i am irresponsible enough to let her play in the dryer. 

mean muggin. 

we had a puppy playdate at our house and Cricket was horribly muddy. her bath was literally THIS BROWN omg.  

just a girl and her pup. 

we woke up very sad and snuggly from nap the other day.  

a talented photographer friend of mine from high school asked if we and another family would pose as "models" for a photoshoot. we were honored to participate! i snuck this shot in of our pals! cutest family. oh and candice: YOU ARE SO TALENTED! YOU MAKE US LOOK GOOOOOD! 

taking a break from our afternoon of pictures! 

parents out there: do you have the book pajama time? Gemma wants it read every night before bed. JJ and i know it by heart now. NOW ALL AROUND THE ROOM IN ONE BIG LINE, WEARING OUR PAJAMAS AND LOOKING SO FINE! IT'S PAJAMA TIME! 

waiting outside Sandi's condo. just another day with L&G! 

not your teepee, Cleo. not. your. tee. pee. 

just a couple of girls hanging out in a dog bed. 

Monday, November 4, 2013

what's inside my brain

1. when i found that mustache onesie at Goodwill, i snapped it right up into my hands and planned this mom+baby twin outfit within 5 seconds.

2. i also envisioned the photos very differently. i did not have a cooperating toddler. it was a mustache shitshow to say the least.

3. the last 20 or so times i've gone to Target, i've written "bones for Cleo" on the shopping list. but inevitably i find some adorable thing for Gemma or a top on sale for myself--and by the time i mosey my way over to the pet aisle, i glance at the bones and say to myself "$9.99 for a pack of bones?? i just. i can't. i would rather have this shirt." and sadly, poor old, old Cleo gets put on the backburner yet again. but it's not like she NEEDS the bones. they are a treat. WELL, all you dog lovers who are shaking your heads in disappointment at me, i went to Target this week and i went to the pet aisle FIRST. and i bought her that pack of bones (and a Christmas bow for her collar for the holiday season)!! and when we got home, Gemma gave one to her (Gemmie loves to give things to Cleo. bites of food, coins, toys, dirty underwear, etc etc etc) and Cleo twirled and jumped and yipped and yapped for joy. and i told myself SELF: THIS POOR PUP. she has suffered enough becoming a second-rate citizen in this home. from now on, buy her the damn bones. always buy her the damn bones.

4. i am feeling the itch to rearrange our bedroom again. but there really are only two options due to it's size and poor design (three doors. THREE DOORS IN ONE ROOM YOU GUYS)

5. please enjoy this instagram video i made of our afternoon in the park the other day:

the part where i am lifting up Gemma for half a second was JJ's attempt at instavideo-ing. he just doesn't get it.

6. never has there ever been a hoodie that described my life so perfectly (even my Mom sent me a pic of it and said "this is so dumb but i knew you would love it." i first saw it on *cough cough* Paris Hilton's instagram (SHUTUPLEAVEMEALONE i love Paris) and i want it. I WANT IT. and it's true. shopping really is my cardio. but it is SOLD OUT. sob. even if it wasn't though, i can't just go and buy a $148 hoodie.

7. my friend Allison who is fancy beyond everything i know about being fancy told a few of us girls that we absolutely needed silk pillowcases for our hair and our skin and such. and when Allison tells you that you need something, you nod your head in agreement, wide-eyed and dutifully. and dammit, you listen. IF ALLISON TELLS YOU TO UPGRADE YOUR LINENS, THEN YOU HAD BETTER UPGRADE YOUR LINENS. this is all to say that i ordered my silk pillowcase and let me tell you the obvious: that Allison was right. a silk pillowcase has changed my life for the better. nevermore shall i lay my head down on a shoddy cotton case. never. more.

8. i have been eyeing THESE SHOES for my Gemcake for a while now. they finally went on sale and i got an extra 40% off so i finally bought them. aren't they just the SWEETEST?! and they are even called "gem shoes." i can hear JJ in my head saying "just because the name of the item has the word 'gem' in it doesn't mean you have to buy it, L."

9. have i raved about Donna Karen Cashmere deodorant yet? because i just recently started using it again, after JJ told me that my armpits smelled like "dank ass BO trying to be covered up by deodorant." so that was nice. i told him to shut up or i would stop wearing deodorant altogether. ultimately, i went back to my old fave DK Cashmere AND OMG I WILL NEVER STOP. it costs an absurd $20, but it is $20 well spent. i promise!!!!

10. (best for last!) my friend Sam had her baby on Wednesday night (we love you baby H! we cannot wait to come and visit you in December!!!) and i cried. i am such a baby sap. i just love it when my dearest friends get to experience the very thing that has made me whole. having a baby is the most special thing that has ever happened to me. and it absolutely warms my heart that Sam will get to experience the unexplainable kind of love that is motherhood.

Friday, November 1, 2013


today we went to the grocery store and they were handing out Halloween balloons for free! Gemma picked this guy. and he has scared the shit out of me a handful of times already today. 

Gemmabee and Cleolady! oh they were so cute! Halloween with Gemma is the most fun ever!

Gemma ate shit and got a gigantic bruise just in time for Halloween!

 the tiger. the bee. the lamb.

a few of us families got together at Mel's house and had a delicious feast of salad, chili and cornbread before hitting the pavement. trick-or-treating was fun--we didn't know how the littles would do--or even if they would be into it, but after the first two houses, they caught on and had a blast!

one house we went to gave the kids little ziploc bags filled with m&m's. I'M SORRY, NO. that means they were all touched by some stranger's hand. they might have meth on them! or even worse--poop! inevitably those were the favored treat. you can see Gemma holding them above. 

when we finally took them away from her, she sobbed.

 it's so hard to get a nice group picture when there are toddlers involved. 

after a nice dessert of vanilla wafers and pumpkin cool whip dip, it was time to pack it up and head out. Gemma was completely besotted with her loot and was absolutely brokenhearted when we told her she couldn't eat any of it. it's hard to be a bee! 

and then. AND THEN YOU GUYS. as i was bent over, putting all of our stuff in the bag, i felt a breeze. from behind. i cannot. my pants. THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO ME. MY PANTS SPLIT. RIGHT. DOWN. THE. ASSCRACK. i stood up very quickly and said, "OHMYGOD MY PANTS HAVE SPLIT! I'M SO EMBARRASSED!" and JJ so very delicately said, "WELL ARE YOU WEARING UNDERWEAR?!" just please. i hate him. I WAS WEARING UNDERWEAR. and they were pale pink and old and giant. and at that point, i had no idea how many people had seen them. i mean COME ON. why do these things happen to me?! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE THE ONE WHO SPLIT HER PANTS IN HALF ON HALLOWEEN?!?! DAMMIT! Mel kindly gave me a pair of sweats and everyone was cool about it but still. it's just not fair. 

the pants. which also happen to be my favorite pants. the good news is that Nordstrom is going to fix them for me!!! when i brought them in, the woman said, "oh, are these...dirty?" LADY C'MON. YES. THEY'RE DIRTY. I AM SORRY THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WASH THE CHILI OFF BETWEEN THE INCIDENT AND NOW. JUST FIX THEMMMM! I'M EMBARRASSED ENOUGH AS IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSS! 

so that is the story of my pants splitting.
and now: goodbye Halloween. get the hell out of here. i take back what i said about you being magical.
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