Thursday, December 18, 2014

Christmas with the Hansens

well well well. look what the cat dragged in. it's olllllll L. batshit crazy L. i tell ya WHAT, two kids is a game changer. a reallll game changer. my life is 100% nuts. 100% of the time. and i really do love it!! most of the time. i'm still trying to make adjustments to my life to create a new sort of "normal," and i need to figure out a new showering schedule because my current one just is NOT cutting it. i need more showers.

BUT, i do have to say that i have the sweetest little dreamboat of a baby! he's a peach. and i love him so much. i never understood the whole "thing" mothers have with their sons. and then i had a son and it's like OHMYGOD. #motherboy. a whole other post on that later.

Beau is asleep in his carseat (inside the house. had to clarify just in case you like thought he was in the car outside in the cold) and Gemma is screaming at me from her room to bring her the book that she put in the cart at TJ Maxx, which i put back and never bought. so i have about 15-20 to word vom all over you!

these moments are rare round these parts. usually we are trying to keep Gemma from hurting Beau. she has a tell, though. she sticks out her tongue right before she's about to wreak havoc. as soon as JJ or i sees it, we scream "QUICK! GRAB THE BABY!" and most times we reach him before she does.

she IS a good big sister though. the other night she reallllly wanted to read Baby Beau a book. she wanted me to lay him down next to her in our bed. then she gently covered him up, covered herself up and read this story to him. it was completely adorable and my heart was so full it almost burst. also, those pajamas. RIGHT?! ever since i found out i was pregnant with B, i got excited about the prospect of matching Christmas pajamas this year. there was just something about two pairs. the same print. one big, one tiny. just perfect! and seeing them now, my kids, my two kids, in those pajamas, together, in my house. MAN. i mean, talk about a dream come true. 

life's a bitch. 
this was a pretty good meltdown! in Michael's, because i wouldn't buy her the 8,000,000 piece sticker book she wanted. aren't i just the WORST?! ha. "BUY IT MAMAAAAAAAA! I JUST DON'T KNOWWWWW! THAT'S NOT THE DEALLLLLLL!" when she's mad she just spurts out meaningless strings of words and it's really hilarious.  
also noteworthy: she calls the grinch "the french" and says "cheesal weasel" instead of geez louise.

his little hat reminds me of that line from the night before christmas: "and mama in her kerchief and i in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap."

so we got an elf on the shelf! and Gemma named him Fluffy obviously. selfishly i wanted to use him as a way to threaten G with a bad report to Santa so she'd behave. but the plan backfired. because this is how it goes every time: 
me: "ohhhh no. that's so naughty, Gemma. Fluffy is going to have to tell Santa about this." 
Gemma: "NO HE'S NOT!!!!!!" 
and gosh, people are so clever with the elf. i'm lucky if i even remember to hide him in a new spot! sticking him in a dying poinsettia is about all i've got.

we went to Snowflake Lane (lights, dancing, music, snow!) this week with our pals and it was so much fun! and this picture shows why Mel is my favorite. she let big Gem ride on her little shoulders so she could see the show while JJ ran to the car.

these two! candy cane suckers for the win. 

 Beau's face though. 

he fell asleep and every person we passed was all, "OHMYGOSHHH LOOK AT THAT BABY ASLEEP IN THE BEAR SUITTTTTT HE'S SO CUTE!!!" and i was all I KNOW, RIGHT?! 

i just love wrapping presents! all of my presents have to be wrapped the same every year. i like the way they look sitting under the tree when they're matching. 

me: "JJ, will you help me wrap presents?!"
JJ: "YEAH! let's watch home alone while we do it!"
me: "YES!!!!"
JJ: (see above) 

well we ditched the kids and had a fancy night just for the grownups! the nutcracker of course! special thanks to my parents for driving over just for the night to babysit! 

we met Santa today! note JJ's serious face as he concentrates on Little G, who had just spotted the large sack of candy canes. side story: i went into Nordstrom this week to return something and i had Baby Beau strapped to my chest while pushing Gemsie in the stroller. it was daytime, so the mall was filled with other moms and old people. my fave time to go the mall. the kiddies started screaming at literally the same exact time and THREE elderly people stopped me to say "this is such a short time of life, they're beautiful kids" and "they're only little for a while" and "this stage goes by so fast!" it was so nice. so encouraging that those three people all connected with me to let me know it was okay that i was a walking circus, and to point out what a gift it is to have them, even when they're making me sweaty and panicky with embarrassment. i'll remember their kindness! and promise to pay it forward down the road when i see someone in my position. 

G&B&Santa! Gemma was so cute. she was all coy and flirty with him (same as last year!) and Baby Beau just sleep the entire time and didn't give two shits about meeting the man in red. 

and that's what's up!

Sunday, October 12, 2014


Beau Graf Hansen
October 1, 2014
7 lbs 14 oz

a boy! this little tiny old man is the most wonderful addition to our family. we love to spend all of our time smothering him with kisses. Gemma adores her baby brother, but is generally displeased with her parents as of late. 

when JJ announced the gender to me he shouted, "OHMYGOD. IT'S A BOY! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS BALLS! HOLY SHIT!" i mean, are you even surprised? typical JJ move.

Beau Baby is the best baby. 

Monday, September 29, 2014

what's inside my brain

1. still pregnant FYI. i'm trying to get my head around the fact that i'm having a baby. like, for reals. today i decided to recreate this horribly graphic and offensive picture:

i'm equally ripe with each one (left is Gemma, right is JF2)

what do we think? baby is much lower this time, but seems about the same size.

2. an update for you potty training folk: i originally had said that the underwear from Mini Boden were the best for potty training. but omg was i full of shit. because i got THESE GERBER ONES last week and they're 8,000x better for accidents! honestly i couldn't even believe the high quality of them. they're terry cloth and plastic lined to contain the accident, and they go up real high in the front and back, just like a diaper. they very much keep any surprise poops/tinkles in check. you definitely need to get them!

3. my fat feet just will never fit comfortably in Ugg moccasin slippers (even when i'm not pregnant i have fat feet). time to let it go, L. just get the grandmotherly slip-ons next time.

4. JJ teaching Gemma how to ride this dinosaur like a bull.


5. i just want all things gummy and sour. just, all of them.

6. it was a proud moment for us when Gemma called Cleo a bastard yesterday.

7. Seattle is just NOT the place to be a glasses-wearing person. i constantly have drops of water on my lenses! time for contacts.

8. i have a corn on my foot. A CORN. i'm 87 years old and i hate everyone.

9. i love having momfriends who are up for an early monday lunch date. its so good for us! all of the patrons at Deru breathed a sigh of relief as they saw our circus exiting today.

10. it's that time of year again when the Big Brown Terrifying Spiders make their way inside Seattle homes. and JJ literally had a battle with one the other day. he smashed his shoe into the wall at least 16 times and when i suggested that all 16 smashes may have been unnecessary, i was met with a look of contempt. all it takes is a run-in with one of these spiders and JJ becomes permanently spooked for the entirety of the cold season. later that evening when Cleo came inside through the slightly cracked open door, JJ said to me all panicked, "DID YOU JUST HEAR THE DOOR CREAK, L?! IT WAS A SPIDER COMING IN, I'M SURE OF IT!!!!!!" #baby

Friday, September 26, 2014

a room for two

the day i saw Gemma attempting the one-leg-over-the-edge escape from her crib during nap time was the day i began dreaming up her big girl room. JJ fell out of his crib and broke his arm when he was 2, and i realllllly didn't want that to happen to Miss G. 

Gemma and the baby are going to share a room, so we had to be very careful about picking and choosing any new furniture. it's a tiny room, so everything had to fit perfectly like a little game of Tetris. i knew i didn't want a toddler bed for G, i wanted to go straight for a twin that was classic and beautiful--something she could keep forever. i instantly fell in love with all the frames from Restoration Hardware Baby & Child but c'mon...the ridiculous price points. like, no. i'm not a real queen, i can't afford those beds! luckily for us there's a RH outlet about an hour from our house and lo and behold we struck GOLD! this bed was missing the frame part, but a simple kit from a mattress store fixed it in a jiffy and we ended up scoring this Restoration Hardware bed at an Ikea price. 

i wanted Gemma's room to be soft and girlie while also being sophisticated and pretty. but since there's a 50% chance JF2 will be a boy, i chose a color scheme that could easily allow for some masculinity if needed (for now, we are keeping the vintage Barbie prints and flowers over the crib. just in case there's a girl in there).

the room turned out just how i envisioned it! i love love love it! it's a room i would want to sleep in! 

once again, my lovely friend Sandi took these pictures. and she always catches our daughters having sweet friend moments :)

room details (for your information only, no affiliate links):
Emelia Panel Bed // Restoration Hardware
Antique Chic Duvet // Land of Nod
Frayed Ruffle Boudoir Sham // Restoration Hardware
Bunny Pillow // H&M
Bunny Doll // Maileg
Dream Blanket // Aden + Anais

gallery wall:
Acid Etched "G" // Urban Outfitters
Framed Bird Print // Target
Dream Catcher // Miss Ruby Locks
Darling Print // Twenty Six Eleven
Pink Bow // antiqued

Mirror // Pottery Barn Kids
Pink Tray // Ikea
Flowers // Target
Woodland Porcelain Bunny Light // amazon (these batteries last all of 5 seconds. we have since purchased this larger bunny nightlight and we love it!)
Shoebox Mouse // Maileg
Bunny Print // ratbone skinny

if you're wondering what the room looked like before, you can see it here.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Gemma, the baby and me.

welllllll, my pal Sandi has done it again! she snapped a few pictures of my sweet girl and me (and the baby in my belly. which looks so daintily small and manageable in these) in my bedroom at home during one of our weekly playdates. when she first asked if she could take some maternity pictures, i was unsure because i don't always love the way maternity pictures turn out. they're just so...maternity. but after she talked about black and white and silhouette lighting, she had me! and i'm so glad i said yes. never question an artist! and now i have these wonderful keepsake pictures forever. 

i love Cleo's sneaky little self in these next ones...just real life happening!

and a quick shot in a fluffy pink tutu before she returned to her regularly scheduled programming of uncooperative little shit wild and crazy.

THANK YOU as always, to my extremely talented friend, Sandi.

Friday, September 19, 2014

a few of my favorite things: pregnancy edition

This second pregnancy has been entirely about comfort. COMFORT IS KING. if you happen to be pregnant and uncomfortable, here is a list of trusty faves that i've had on repeat.*

1. Embrace: a Pregnancy Journal: my dear, sweet thoughtful friend Sandi gave me a pregnancy essentials basket of goodies at the very beginning of JF2, and this was in it. it's the best journal ever--beautiful images and thought-provoking prompts to get you writing...pages devoted entirely to your boobs!!! (the boob changes withstood during pregnancy are incredible. much going on there. i won't get into the gory details, but MAN, i was glad to have space to write about NatGeo nips, etc. in this sweet ass journal). PLUS, the author is a Washingtonian. so, that's pretty rad.

2. Birkenstocks: last pregnancy it was all about the Danskos, but they were just too sweaty and bulky for the summer heat. JJ bought me these sandals for Mother's Day and i basically haven't taken them off since. occasionally i'll switch them out for a ballet flat and i always regret it! the Birks have been so good to my back. and also it should be noted that i am eternally grateful for their timely comeback.

3. a JJ! i don't think this is the first time JJ has found himself in a "favorite things" collage. but that's because it's really nice to have a JJ. mostly. his profoundly thoughtful comments like "you're just a temporary fat person" and "wow, you ate two crispy burritos from Taco Time for lunch? i mean, that is a LOT of burrito" are just the sweetest. but really in all honestly, he never complains when i ask him to get out of bed to retrieve my complicated Tums order (two. the berry flavored. and not two of the same color), and he's always game to take Gemstar on an adventure (pants optional. no really. he took Gemma to the grocery store in a t-shirt and undies. THAT'S LITERALLY ALL SHE WAS WEARING #whitetrash) right when he gets home from work so that i can have alone time to binge watch Parenthood on Netflix and binge eat E.L. Fudge cookies.

4. the Bump Nest: this pillow was making the blogger rounds and the more reviews i read, the more i coveted the damn thing. my parents bought one each for my sister and me for Mother's Day (she is due with her first baby mid-December. also, another one of my sisters went and bought it too--and she's not even pregnant! hahahahaa she just wanted one to improve her sleep.) and truly, truly i don't know how i survived my last pregnancy without it. hands down THE. BEST. and most important pregnancy sidekick. ever. JJ calls it my Boyf since he takes up so much room on the bed and because i'm obsessed with him. i even take him on trips (i draw the line at airplane rides, though). i have spent the entirety of 37.5 weeks sleeping 8+ hours each night, and i owe it allllll to Boyf.

5. Gilligan & O'Malley Women's Sleeptee: aka The Nightshirt. i live in this MFer. LIVE! i'd like to say i only wear it for sleep, but that's such a lie. right when i get home, i am out of my clothes and into my nightshirt at lightning speed. it's the most perfectly perfect shirt ever.

6. hellomellow rejuvenate body oil: while i love the Mama Bee Butter at the small-bellied beginning of pregnancy, this body oil has come in mighty handy toward the bitterly enormous, stretch-marked end. it was a gift from my friend Rah and i love it! it's supple and smooth, smells delicious and is all natural. G and i both slather ourselves up after the shower. it's the best! makes my skin way less itchy and irritated. only i have to squeeze it out awkwardly because i broke the pump lid when i accidentally ran over my overnight bag when i was at my parents' house (but that's a story for a different day).

7. Gap Maternity Pure Body Tanks: i technically own only one of these, but my lovely friend Sam graciously let me borrow a handful of hers and they are the BEST. i loved the Liz Lange basic tanks (can't find them on Target's website! but they are always in stock in store) during the beginning, but again, my belly is enormous and now hangs out of the bottom of those. the Gap ones are so soft, and long enough to keep me from looking like i belong on

8. Gabrialla Maternity Support Belt: this thing is awesome! i had a girlfriend (who had a baby just two weeks ago!) recommend it to me and it has been wonderful. it has eased much of the weight and pressure from my back. whenever i say, "ohhhh my back is KILLING MEEEE!" Gemma says, "e need your back brace Mama?" hahahahh! even she knows how much it helps. also i should tell you that when i take it off, it's like my bladder is released and i immediately have to pee so badly. so if you get one, don't take it off if you aren't near a bathroom!

9. Motherhood Maternity Hipster Panties: i actually favor the (NOW DISCONTINUED GOD DAMMIT) Gilligan & O'Malley jersey maternity underwear from good ol' Targs, but these have been a nice close second. in the last few weeks leading up to Gemma's birth, i was wearing JJ's underwear. what an embarrassment. maternity underwear wasn't something i thought i ever really needed, but i cannot stress enough how important they are. you will need elephant-sized underwear. i promise! BUY THEM. or let your mother-in-law buy them for you like i did.

10. up&up Daily Prenatal Combo Pack: i love these vitamins! they are cheap and easy just like Cleo.

*just so we're clear, there's no affiliate link bullshit going on for these favorite things posts...i'm not even KIND OF savvy enough to figure that out. i genuinely want to share with you the things that i love. because i think you care. i'm narcissistic like that.*

Monday, September 15, 2014

what's on L's phone?!

hahahahah doesn't Foxy Cleopatra look like a pinup girl laying down at the beach?! 

also, re: that little red puzzle piece: i absolutely cannot STAND losing puzzle pieces. it's one of my biggest pet peeves. i couldn't find this one for DAYS, and i even contemplated throwing away the entire puzzle because it irritated me that much. then i found it in this asshole's bed. she had been hiding it the whole time. 

also, ALSO, her new Seahawk-colored collar is purely coincidental. it was on clearance for $3.49 at Target. don't like, think i'm a real fan or anything. 

our friends got married! (love ya Charlie & Margot :) my parents came to watch Gemma for the day/night so we could enjoy ourselves. it was lovely! the night before the wedding, i bought a new necklace to wear since i knew i was going to wear this trusty black stretchy maternity dress that i've worn 800 times. i was so excited because i had a NEW accessory to wear! i laid it out with the dress and shoes and went to bed very pleased. the next day when i went to get dressed, the necklace fell off the hanger and shattered into a million pieces. and i yelled All The Bad Words (and got scolded by my Mom for yelling All The Bad Words in front of Gemma) sat down in my elephant-sized underwear and cried a little bit. because you know, i just was REALLY looking forward to wearing a new necklace. poooooooooor L. but then i found this gold ball necklace that is actually not even mine, it's my friend Moon's, in my drawer and all was OK again. 

wow, glad i got that 90-page story off my chest. i'm sure you all cared SO MUCH.

every female has a picture of themselves as a toddler in their mom's high heels, amiriiiiiite?! 

hot DAMN we have been enjoying every last heirloom tomato that my two little 99-cent plants have yielded this summer. next year i'm planting like 25 more. obsessed!  

little itsy bitsy baby moccasins for JF2! they're so tiny and cute i just want to snuggle with them all day long. next to Gemma's for adorable size reference. 

this was taken at a coffee place called Diva Espresso. i'm not even joking. SHE FIT RIGHT IN.

Cleo was SO EXCITED OMG to have not one, but TWO crazy toddlers yanking on her leash during a walk.

(my unpainted nail makes me cringe) my parents went and bought themselves a Leisure Van for traveling around the U.S. i told them i'm going to buy them matching pleated Dockers and a bumper sticker that says "RV there yet?!" hahahahahhahahahahaaaa and all on her own, Gemma has dubbed the Leisure Van "Bear's Bus" (said with lisp) it's absolutely hilarious. my sisters and i cannot stop laughing about it!!!

my little Beverly Hillbilly (who, as we left this baptism party for our niece, had only one pigtail left in her hair, food crusted all over her face and a pee stain on the back of her dress)

flying in the pool with Daddy. i just love that little wedgie.  

i think this baby has dropped. 

she looks like the sweetest, most cooperative little traveler. #fake #SOfake 

we sent this to our fellow MMM mama who missed a meeting because she was busy bringing her newborn baby home. so much fun to have our group grow. babies are the best! 

LIBRARY DAYYYYYYY! (i have to hide this Hello Kitty shirt in the drawer, otherwise G would put it on every single day. i do the same with JJ's stupid UNLV tshirt that i hate so much. like, no. why do you even HAVE a UNLV tshirt?!) 

it was a day of lunch and a movie on the couch. ALSO, it was the first movie she sat all the way through! Despicable Me. she loved it. 

G loves to sit and try on shoes at Nordstrom Rack. i said to her, "oh no, Gemma, those aren't cute." and she said, "they're bootiful mama!" 

Pike Place blooms from my little sis. 
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