Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Temper Tantrum Gem

after the colossal meltdown at Fred Meyer because i wouldn't let Gemma ride in the car cart (i'm the meanest! but really though. the car cart is the WORST. it's like the navigating a god damn zamboni around the store. also i am positive it has never been cloroxed once):

and the battle we had this morning over a vitamin. A VITAMIN. and she loves vitamins. she asks me for them everyday, "buy-tah peasssthe?" she got mad today because i told her to eat it. and she doesn't enjoy doing things i tell her to do.

and at Target, when she refused to be anything but a surly turd:

it was time. we marched right out of Target and into Barnes & Noble to buy a parenting book. i even told Gemma she could pick out a new book for herself! and so naturally, she ran away from me, up and down the aisles yelling and pulling books from the shelves. i caught up to her and told her never to run away from me (also, it should be noted that a woman and her baby came down the aisle we were in while i was trying to teach Gemma this important life lesson. literally she was standing so close to me that we were touching. C'MON LADY, LET A SISTER DISCIPLINE HER KID IN PEACE AT BARNES & NOBLE! ghoddddd). anyway, G obviously ran away again. so i said fuck this shit snatched this book real quick, scooped G up in a football hold (she responded by pulling my hair and screaming) and stood in line to purchase my book.

there i was, the woman i never thought i would be. the one holding her rabid monkey of a child while standing in line to buy a parenting book. such irony, isn't it?

she screamed all the way to the car, and i silently strapped her in. i started the car, and just as quickly as she had escalated to crazy, she turned the sweetness and charm right on, asking for her music to be turned up, "hi mommy. sew-man peasssthe" (that's the song Snowman in the Summer by Caspar Babypants in case you were wondering). it's astonishing how fast she goes from asshole to adorable. it really is.

i'm not sure what i hope to find in the parenting book. encouragement? answers? Dr. Harvey has never met a Gemma Julianne Hansen before. how in the hell would he know how to deal with her explosive temperament? i consider my parenting style to be pretty laid back. and i have often times thought to myself, "oh yeah, L. you got this. you're so easygoing. let Gemma be who she wants to be. you're so good at this!" but now my assuredness is wavering. as my little girl's personality continues to develop, the more of a wild card she becomes.

i bought the book to guide me through this new phase of life, but i'm not sure that a book is what i need. this is a learning experience for both of us. i need to embrace and accept this fiery little strong-willed human. and she needs to embrace and accept the fact that i am her mother and also the boss. somewhere in the middle there, we'll figure it out.


  1. 1st pic she is Sarah Bernhardt for sure! You need to save that one to shw to her prospective husband. Fair warning, and all that.

  2. Not looking forward to these day...Rough seas ahead!

  3. My daughter just hit this phase too. She was always super sweet smiley girl and now she throws tantrums at the drop of a hat. I feel ya. But then she turns back in to my sweet funny girl. I'm sure we will get through this :)

    Ps: toddlers be crazy...

  4. yeeeeeeeesssssssssssss....sooooooooo there...but at only 17 months!! ahhhhh!!!

  5. Baby Girls: I made my niece spaghetti once and told her to have a seat & eat it.. she naturally ran away from the table SCREAMING and acting like i was trying to torture her. So then i had some brain miracle and was all like "Aubriana, you know what, you are not allowed to have that spaghetti." in a really nice/condescending voice. and wouldn't you know it, she was crying and begging me to let her have it in 1 second flat. I have never felt like such an amazing Master Psychologist in all my life... not sure yet if it quite works on babies, but maybe keep that trick in your pocket for future use

  6. the best parenting advice i ever heard somewhere was ctfd: calm the fuck down. followed by louis ck's: my 4 year old is an asshole. so you nailed it.

  7. I'm cracking up that my "you might also like" on this post was 'hungover housewife'! I think it's telling you that you should drink to deal with this. Maybe not the most PC approach but an effective one none the less. ;) Just kidding everyone. JUST KIDDING!

  8. I have a 5 year old son and fair warning, it gets worse. That being said, I have perfected the 'fireman lift' and i refused to be embarrassed to use it in public....they can be major assholes but so heartrending perfect at other times......
    We just have to take each step and milestone as they come as deal with as calmly as possible....
    Loving the first pic!

  9. Your 'zamboni' comment cracked me up. Completely right on. I refuse to drive those things- I can't even steer the Playskool Target carts. Gem has "spirit" (like how I worded that?!) ....just remember everything you do is teaching her the right way to be-- we're creating responsible adults here people! (Ones that don't throw themselves on the ground at 15 and throw a tantrum -- now that would be an awkward football hold :) Hang in there Sis- you got this! (PS- I'm terrified--Isla's right behind her on this phase)


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