headed to hell in a handbasket, as they say.
yesterday was a day. JJ had to work late at a trade show and my darling Gem was just full of the dickens from dawn until dusk. her adventures yesterday included: coloring on the couches with pen (THE WHITE COUCHES! WITH PEN!), pushing her friend down on the deck outside (friend got a nice little scratch on her nose. we're so very sorry Isla!), coloring the dog with blue sidewalk chalk, opening up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and placing the peanut butter side face down on my boob, stomping around in a pile of Cleo pee outside on the cement, etc. LIKE I SAID, FULL OF THE DICKENS.
after a nice bath to wash off the grime and Cleo pee from her body, we had a subtle book reading session before i put her down for the night. i walked into my room, into my pajamas, and into bed with my heating pad (omg i had forgotten a bit about pregnancy back aches!! owwww!) and had a huge feeling of satisfaction settle over me.
it had really been a long day, but alas, THESE are the days of our lives. and funny enough, knowing that i would be alone with Gempop without JJ's help gave me like a kind of superpower patience that i normally wouldn't posses at the end of the day. on normal days, i know that JJ will be home by 5:30, so if i can just make it alive by that time--even if i'm like crawling around the house, without pants, weak, exhausted and begging for mercy--then i've done it. i can partially check out once he's arrived. but yesterday i had to survive until 8 p.m. instead. and i did. and it was fine. and i remained patient and attentive and present right up until bedtime because i had to! and it made me realize that on normal days i start to lose patience and sanity around 5 (any other stay-at-home-moms have a designated time like this, when you start to lose it?), anticipating JJ's return
so now i'm going to make a more conscious effort to remain calm and patient the entire day. i think Gemma liked me better at the end of the day yesterday, and i definitely liked myself better too. this is not to say that i'm going to strive for perfection or anything (Lord knows i am bound to lose my shit every now and then), but i'm definitely going to try.