Thursday, May 8, 2014

better

headed to hell in a handbasket, as they say.

yesterday was a day. JJ had to work late at a trade show and my darling Gem was just full of the dickens from dawn until dusk. her adventures yesterday included: coloring on the couches with pen (THE WHITE COUCHES! WITH PEN!), pushing her friend down on the deck outside (friend got a nice little scratch on her nose. we're so very sorry Isla!), coloring the dog with blue sidewalk chalk, opening up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and placing the peanut butter side face down on my boob, stomping around in a pile of Cleo pee outside on the cement, etc. LIKE I SAID, FULL OF THE DICKENS.

after a nice bath to wash off the grime and Cleo pee from her body, we had a subtle book reading session before i put her down for the night. i walked into my room, into my pajamas, and into bed with my heating pad (omg i had forgotten a bit about pregnancy back aches!! owwww!) and had a huge feeling of satisfaction settle over me.

it had really been a long day, but alas, THESE are the days of our lives. and funny enough, knowing that i would be alone with Gempop without JJ's help gave me like a kind of superpower patience that i normally wouldn't posses at the end of the day. on normal days, i know that JJ will be home by 5:30, so if i can just make it alive by that time--even if i'm like crawling around the house, without pants, weak, exhausted and begging for mercy--then i've done it. i can partially check out once he's arrived. but yesterday i had to survive until 8 p.m. instead. and i did. and it was fine. and i remained patient and attentive and present right up until bedtime because i had to! and it made me realize that on normal days i start to lose patience and sanity around 5 (any other stay-at-home-moms have a designated time like this, when you start to lose it?), anticipating JJ's return to the shitstorm pigsty motherboard that is our home. i don't like that about myself. i want to be better, like i was yesterday.

so now i'm going to make a more conscious effort to remain calm and patient the entire day. i think Gemma liked me better at the end of the day yesterday, and i definitely liked myself better too. this is not to say that i'm going to strive for perfection or anything (Lord knows i am bound to lose my shit every now and then), but i'm definitely going to try.

3 comments:

  1. You got this Mama! Proud of you for staying sane yesterday! It's rough- I can TOTALLY relate :) xo.

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  2. I definitely have that time of day before Russ gets home that I am almost to the brink of crazy! <3

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