Friday, March 21, 2014

what's inside my brain

1. my coffee date yesterday morning! she feels so fancy when i get her "my Gemma coffee" (vanilla steamer).

2. i went the whole day yesterday with a toothpaste splatter mark on the left lens of my glasses. HOW did i not notice it?! ALL DAY?!

3. even though KUWTK is a guilty pleasure of mine (along with butterfingers eggs, which are here for Easter--HOLLER!) Kim & Kanye on the cover of Vogue: i cannot. get out of here you guys. for shame, Anna Wintour.

4. right now: eating King's Row, watching the Zags game with my dad in our pajamas while G takes a nap.

5.  my friend Nel sent me this article: Inside a Woman's Mind at Target. hahahahah omg is it true. 100% true. the one thing i would have added: the first thing i do when i walk into Target is head straight for the snack section. if Gemma has something to eat, she generally behaves decently and i can shop in peace.

6. Gemcake's new favorite phrase: "i no wannit." she says it to almost everything: when i set a meal down in front of her, when i tell her we're going in the car, when it's time for nap, when Cleo licks her hand, etc.

7. little luxury worth the absurd price tag: Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment. side note: G is obsessed with the cardboard box it came it. she has been carrying it around all day today in the chest pocket of her overalls. hahahahhaaa

8. JJ hates this Asics commercial. he thinks it's so fake. he says "that wife just let him get into bed all sweaty like that? no." hahahhahaa

9. i debated on wether or not to share this with you guys. because i'm selfish and want to hog my new obsession all to myself...but then i decided to be reasonable. so here you go: the Mossimo Linen Drapey V Tee from Target. it's oversized, soft as butter, 12 bucks and the most perfect tee i've ever owned.

10. i will leave you with this picture from our last trip to CA because i love it so much. Gemma quite literally driving Miss Daisy:

Wednesday, March 19, 2014



i'm feeling a little haggard. we've had a rough string of days/nights. i think the 2-year molars might be to blame. she's chewing on everything and refusing to nap during the day. and there are many angry wake-ups in the night (FOURTEEN ONE NIGHT. fourteen). my wonderful sleeper is now a werewolf. and we're both so tired. little snippets of sleep here and there isn't good for anyone! last night i had a dream that Gemma was a twin. there were literally two of her. i woke up in a panicky cold sweat. terrifying. anyway, i hope this is a phase and it passes. because otherwise i'm going to die.

and of course, because timing is cruel, JJ is off on a work/play trip (torturing me with pictures of in n out and blissful full nights of sleep in a king size bed) and so it's just me and Gemma and Cleo. last night at bedtime i realized that we were out of milk. ksahdfkjsd so i took Gemma to the grocery store in her pajamas. and we came home with milk and ice cream (for me to eat in bed while watching Frasier reruns reading) and popsicles (for G's achy gums/teeth). this morning the first thing she said when she woke up was "eye keem? pock-sickles?" the child never forgets anything.

so popsicles and yogurt for breakfast it is! because i just don't care. popsicles totally count as one fruit serving anyway.

can i get a fist pump from the other #haggardmothers out there?

Friday, March 14, 2014


striking a pose in Disneyworld while the oblivious idiots around me get on with their business

ye old blog! i've missed you. isn't it annoying when i say i'm going to be around here more often and then i don't appear for weeks? what a flake, L. ghoddddd. no excuse this time except that my brain is mushy. anyway, i'm here. for now. i'm settling in to write now. i'm all cozied up on my couch with Gemma and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. we're in our jammies on this cold gray day. also we are eating oyster crackers and stale cheese because grocery shopping is overrated.

so, here we go!

can we talk about sinus infections for a sec? i've never had one before this week. in fact, i very rarely get sick at all. but when i do, it's always a terribly dramatic affair (like the stomach flu on a camping trip. how unlucky?!?! all you ever wanted was a running toilet when you have the stomach flu. i had a bush. A BUSH. and it took me years to be able to eat licorice again after that. but ANYWAY) i always kind of thought sinus infections were a farce. like no, just blow your nose harder, you're fine! but really sinus infections are the absolute worst. just the worst. never have i been in so much consistent and agonizing pain (and i had a baby!)--the pressure was unbearable. also, i now own a neti pot and know how to use it without drowning myself. but the neti pot didn't solve my problem. i had pain everywhere! behind my eyes, my cheeks, my jaw and teeth, my ears--even my neck. sinus infections are not for the faint of heart. i literally couldn't get out of bed on Wednesday because of the pain. i watched 3 episodes of House and two movies (What's Your Number? ((a hilarious and vastly underrated flick)) and Crazy, Stupid Love) that day. not a bad line-up, but still. i wish i had been swatting Gem's hands away from the toilet or something like a regular day. JJ was a peach and worked from home so he could care for both the child and me. and by 7 p.m. that night he proclaimed "i am exhausted! it is hard work doing everything alone! i don't know how single parents do it." word, JJ. word.

anyway, i finally went to urgent care because i couldn't get into the regular doctor. i hate urgent care places. why are they so gross? and can someone please tell me why are they always sandwiched between a Ross and a methadone clinic? i walked into the grungy place and the guy behind the desk had a neck tattoo--A NECK TATTOO YOU GUYS. actually he had three. two Chinese symbols and a cartoon shamrock. and the medical history form i filled out was way more concerned with my possible drinking and drug problems than it was with the actual reason i came into the godforsaken facility in the first place.

but i shouldn't complain about this place too much. because they prescribed me a power antibiotic that has killed the monster in my sinus. it has also killed my GI tract, but we won't get into that.

any other sinus sufferers out there? i feel like i'm part of a club now that i've been through this. my face is still sore, but i'm on the mend. i'll be ship shape in no time.

and that is the story of my bum sinus. Mickey just did the hotdog dance, i'm out!

p.s. a friend sent me this week's LOLcat. and i'm obsessed with it. i love that people send me LOLcats now.

p.s.s. i did a guest post on my fave (and pretty much only) DIY project on Pretty Wednesday! check it out.
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